That's what i learn today! Dat's guitar strumming. Today shifu impart me some of her guitar gunfu. The strumming she taught me is very cartoon. I told her it reminds me of tango ... and its like wha she say ... very rigid ... very basic rythmn. It sounds very funny to me ... hehe but still its cool. We practised abit of strummin, go thru her Guitar ministry notes which is more like teaching u the fundamentals of guitar. Not much about how to play. Still i enjoyed today's guitar lesson. I felt kinda guilty cos i forgot to ask turtle along. Turtle seem very angry cos she miss the fun and lesson. Well she also work pretty hard for the cd and when she needs my help .. i was off. So i made up by finding jokes on the net. The problem is that all the good jokes seem to be extinct. I find alot of super vomit blood jokes dat gives me a pretty good headache.
When i finally found 2 good or i would say so-so jokes .... it seem that she had heard b4.
#1 The Perfect Couple
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling. *******
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen either.
hehe i like this joke. Its redundant to say men are not perfect cos humans aint perfect at all. Women are all evil. Now that's a cool joke. =D
#2 Why do Gorilla have big noses?
Simple : They have big fingers. [to dig dig!]
#3 A story about the Boss
Here is a good one for some of those bosses out there!!!!!When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.The brain explained that since he controlled all parts of the body, he should be boss.The legs argued that since they took the man whereever he wanted to go, they should be boss.The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all of the food, he should be boss.The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss.Then the asshole applied for the job.The other parts of the body laughed that hard that the asshole became mad and closed up.After a few days the brain went foggy, the legs went wobbly, the stomach got ill, the eyes crossed and were unable to see.They all conceded and made the asshole boss.This proves that you don't have to be a brain to be boss......
Just an asshole
You know wad? This joke is very very common. But i still remember that our pretty OBS [Outward Bound School] teacher use this joke to inspire us .... She is a very sweet and cool coach! Those memories are pretty nice :).
#4 My Dog Named Sex
[NC 16]
Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Lassie. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too" then I said "but this is a dog" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "but you don't understand I have had Sex since I was 9 years old. He replied that I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for me and my wife and a separate room for Sex. He said every room in this place is for sex. I said "you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake all night" and the clerk replied "me too".
I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I could have sold tickets for that "but you don't understand, I hope to have Sex on T.V." He called me a Show off.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your honor I had sex before we were married". The judge said "me too". Then I told him that after we were married sex left me. He replied "me too".
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around for him. A cop came over and asked me "What are you doing wandering around the alley at 4 am for?" I replied "I am looking for Sex" My case comes up in court on Friday.
Gee is it funny? This is another of those names mix-up jokes. No comments.
#5 Acting Tuff
Abdul grew up in Kota Baru, a town located on the East Coast of Malaysia, and then moved away to Kuala Lumpur to do his law degree in order to fill up the Bumiputera quota. He decided to come back to Kota Baru, because he could be a big man and really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office.
On the first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Abdul picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in Kuala Lumpur that I won't settle this case for less than one million ringgit. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details." This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes.
All the while the man sat patiently as Abdul rattled instructions. Finally, Abdul put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from Telekoms and I've come to connect your
telephone line".
# 6 Best Joke I've heard so far
Jason : Yo dude tell me a joke!
Joker : A Joke!
Jason : -_-
That's all folks.
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