From down under..

[ mood : ]







Well the last few days were pretty eventful! Spent most of my Christmas weekend in Church serving as usher and watched the play 5 times over. Well it just comes to a point their scripts autoplay in my mind ... The good news is my Dad and 2 bros accepted Christ!!! yea. I also brought rad and cool dude along and he wants me to bring him along next year again! looks like he enjoyed too..




The last few days of 2006 couldn't be worse. I felt knock-out of my journey. and its scary because the faith that i had hold on too every single day.. i just suddenly felt like giving it all up. My cg leaders says i am tired. My usher IC diagnosed me as of having depression. Well they are all very much right. The thing is - i don't really know what's the true problem. In my army camp, i felt like a single island in the pacific ocean. It's hard to get around when the gates of people around shuts down on you. At home, all is calm and good. my granny and I hardly talks. And sometimes in the night, i would desire to have more right people in my life that i can draw closer with. To be closer to my church-mates... my friends and even for my family members that i am trying to spend more time with.



I told my leaders 3 days ago i am really tired. Tired of sowing but not reaping. Tired of everything that goes on in my life. sometimes a million killing thoughts come into my mind and when people ask me about it ... i don't really know what to say. i felt lost week in and week out. And seeing my plans unfulfilled, my dreams not reached ...... ..... is just devastating. Seriously, i am quite afraid i can't get to any university or be able to further my studies. Seeing all my friends getting their ticket to their dream career makes me feel i am left out of something. Makes me feel like nothing. I'm going nowhere. I don't wish to digest these negative thoughts any further .. but these things ... this nonsence jus keeps coming back. I don't really have the strength to fight back. to continue..




Just when i feel like letting go... God pulled me back. really... and when i think about these last few days ... i've been trying so hard to run away. But truly i couldn't. I can't explain why but everytime i try to blame, put down myself or push away from everything ... i will feel a certain peace that calms me off. And everytime i feel i ain't worthy of his love, He'll send people to tell me that i am worthy of Him. It's quite amazing to serve such a God that can mind-read you anytime. The thing is this.. i can feel him moving around. Christians will tell you that this is the Holy Spirit. God simply doesn't want me to go.. and i know i ain't done with Him either.



I spend time to think about what my leaders, friends has said to me. Things like strength. The ability to be back up on your feet after your fallen-state. Things like the power of focus. The exponential magnifying glass that magnifies what you focus on. your problems or your victories-to-be. Things like love. Affirming yourself. caring others. Things like thanksgiving. Being grateful to every little thing that happen in your life. I got a camera from my uncle. 100 bucks for a belated bday gift ( i spent abt 30 bucks on my necessities alr since my bank account's left with 6 bucks) . Things like prayer. Rhema. vision. life to my spirit. Memories too. the joy that i used to have when i serve God and celebrate his goodness. Those things do look very small to me now since i haven been practising what i have learnt.



But well i can certainly start now.





Thanks to those who shower me with love and nice words. Stepping up isn't easy. But I'll be strong and try to be better day by day. :) love you all

Reflections.

[ mood : ]



This period .. i'm just feelin so fustrated you know. I just don't get what God is leading me now in this period. I feel God ... yet He seems quiet in my life nowadays. No Visions. No Revelations. It's pretty like winter now on the inside of me. :( cold. dead.


Dad spoke to me yesterday during the Women's meeting ( i was there helping as the guitarist ). I wasn't getting much of what he's saying... But something struck me on the inside ... where is Jesus's place in my heart? Is it above my ministry? Above my friends? my personal needs? No it isn't. Dad told me to get a break.. a break from everything that runs in my life. a break spent at the beach. I like that idea. The plans that i had to rise up has to start from God. I'm sorry but i promise to spend more time with you from today on. :)



Anyway guys... going to be water baptised this Sunday - 2p.m. ( yay finally a confirmed date. ) Hope my aunts and uncles and friends can be there to support me.



Why water-baptise now ?

Because Jason is no longer young. ( spotted many white hairs on my head! :P )

Because of my spiritual conviction in the last few months.

Because its an act of Faith to change. ( byebye old wineskin. Halo new Jason!)



I'm quite excited you know! got at least 4 of my friends that i know that will be getting baptised the same day as me!! yay! :) I'm so looking forward to it!




I love Christmas. Because of Him who came on that faithful day, i am where i am today..

Days ago.

This week is a pretty TIRING week!! With all the admin work .. follow-ups and call-ups (to those who actually answered my call) .. and meetins with my leaders.. sometimes it can grow really weary!


But i think it's all's great. I never felt so stretched.. so tired. Balancing my army work life in the day and making sure everything runs well in my cg and ministry by night is building up on my capacity and strength. And this i know very well prepares me for greater works in the future. Things that i know i will not break a sweat after my breakthrough :)


Tiredness aside .. there are some other thing that disturbs me this week that i've shared with 'Dad'. All through the week.. i feel funny around people. Well it's hard to explain this but .. I can't say the things that i wanna say to my friends. My mind goes blank at times when i work ... and .. even at times i get into the habit of mumbling my words out. or tongue-tied. it makes me feel like i'm going mad. there's a strong feelin of inadequacy running in me.


I am wondering if there's any part of me that's still maybe shutdown? Cos' the tendency of me staying away from people is jus unbelievably strong. Its like yesterday for eg.. when the ushers were fellowshipping wif me ... i will just feel like getting away from them. My heart is just not as excited as it used to be when we joke or talk about the hot~ things under the sun. It's weird. Do i have an inner child that is afriad of people? i dunno. I could only think of silly speculations right now :(


I think it's time to get back to be like Mary. It's great to serve God's people and my friends around me. But i feel like i am missin out the one thing that matter the most in my whole walk with my heavenly friend. It's time to spend more time with him.. everyday.



ok! i'm Typing this on my Sunday duty in camp. well will pray along wif u guys in church in my humble own way in camp :) Have fun!


regards :
Happy Bday Pascale! and belated bday to audrey! dun think they read my blog anyway but shall jus wish for fun =D

Manhood.

[ mood: ]



i am a male by birth. A man by choice! :)



What does it takes to be a man ?



A man of steel? Like Superman?


could be.


A guy that can rescue a damsell in distress? Someone like Robin Hood


could be too.


A guy that has a great mind and a successsful career? like Donald Trump?


well that could work.




Hmm in my quest to be a great Man of God, a history maker .. i felt at times like the children Israel before their promised land. Like a grasshopper among the giants of the land. Life tells me it's not easy to move into Manhood. But all de more it's make more interesting to go through it to be a Man.


Dad shared yesterday during our Manhood Seminar many interesting points about manhood yesterday. And it is exciting when we hear about Dr. Edwin Louis Cole's teaching about the need to be a man in the chrisitan world .. in this modern age from Dad. He shared basically how he entered into Manhood at a young age to take care and provide for his family. And how many characters in the bible like David, Joseph and even Jesus take up great responsibilities at a young age. It makes me feel quite ashame actually that i have not been that responsible when i am young .. to waste away my time with the unecessary. After the preaching, i felt really excited to know more about being a great man. Not just any ordinary man ... but a Man of Faith. A Man of Substance. A Man of God.


Dad shared about the setbacks of having weak men in church which does really make sense. A man is usually the leader of the household. Of course there are exceptions but the patterns in the bible always shows the need for Man to lead (or Guide); the need to Guard (the family.. the house); and the need to Govern (take care of.. rule over.. something i really need a breakthru at. )


To be a great Man ... i need to..
1) Choose to be one! ( Choice points the way! )
2) Choose to accept responsibility ( More work. More pain. But more gain (; )
Maturity does not come by age. It comes by accepance of responsibility. Acceptance of Pain.

about this .. reminds me of an epsiode re-sequel of Lost recently. It shows a man (Locke) teaching Charlie about the importance of breaking through the pain. Before any caterpillars becomes a butterfly, they need to mature in a cacoon. The premature butterfly (pupae) has to learn how to break-out of the cacoon when its ready. Supposed a nice-hearted guy comes along and tries to help to free the butterfly by opening a small hole for it.. the butterfly will soon eventually die. That's because it lacks the strength for survival. The struggle to be free creates that ability of strength.

3) be gentle with ladies.
I can hear many amen from de ladies.. :)
4) choose to love God. (show it!)
5) choose to dare to be different!



This is the introductory lesson for my cg's very first Manhood seminar! so excited. I want to learn more too.


Anyway got many things to do this week!! Thank God for the activities that keeps me occupied. Need to get my PT tuition asap!!

The Need to...

[ mood : ]




I just came back from my very first Zone meeting for CG Helpers. Wow i am totally blown away.. really. Well it was my first time attending and well apart from Serene .. i din really know any people / leaders from my zone. So i was alittle nervous ( well the freezin cold plays a part too ). But well the meeting really amazed me!! The people there are so annointed as well as passionate for God. It really excites me as well to know more of these people! :)



Well the CGL with the mic began to re-inforce what we learnt from Ps Phil's conference about Prayer. The message was really good!! One of the things i take back tonight was the powerful impacts of prayer in our lives. It is powerful because when we pray, heaven literally opens up to listen. It is important for me to learn to start praying in Faith (in spite of!) the discouraging times i face! And this will help me to develop the strength, capacity and eventually power in me. My prophecy shall be birthed by prayer!! :)




Well self-confession and affirmation helps.. :)




After the meeting ..


we took photos :D




and more photos of x'mas lights




and more photos (of ourselves) :D



Regards to friends:
Fun and Qi: jia you 4 yr exams! a few more days only!
Chong: Well FYP will be over soon :) Continue to improve on yr design!
Rabbit: don't worry too much. Eat well sleep well!
Serene: Thanks for helpin me find NYP sch and de course. Appreci yr concern.
Boon and Wen : Enjoy yr Prom Night!
Last but not least Me: Pray pray pray!!




i will pray thru. i will pray in faith.

Over my Head.

[ mood: ]





Exam is over! yay!!






Well to all my friends who are still striving for A's out there.. Jia you! Jia you! (add oil add oil. but dun light the fire) :)





Dad recommended this movie to watch! And i so wanna watch this movie!


Reminds me of the cool movie - Shall we Dance? Man i am so going to watch tis movie! Hehe.






And ya this too!


Penguins are cool creatures. Literally..







and if you are a fast and furious person like me... you should catch tis movie with me too!!


keep the adrenaline rush!




All this means i need $$$. and $$$ means need to find a job! Tuition tuition here i come!





Juz finish PM wif Qi hui and Chong. It was quite long ... and well i am quite worried that Chong will get scolded when he reach home. But i really enjoy long PMs like this ... though well my fingers turn black from all the guitar playing :). But still its an awesome meeting! Renewed mind.


Finally going back tmr to army camp after a long long break. Hope everything will be better! yes it'll be.

Joy to the world

[ mood : ]








eat your heart out guys. my "mom" is taken :)
well last week she got a new ring on her finger.









a woman's best friend.




and a woman's best partner. my mom's best partner to be exact :)




Couples alike. Dad and mom.




w143.







Our gift for them...
Picture designed by Jason Chong. :)
Frame gotten by Qi Hui. :)
Supporter - Me :)











The beautiful day on 11th November ended tat way. :)





well about me. i ain't doing pretty well in terms of studies, just to update my blog readers. I made certain choices which i think about it is kind of foolish. I got so hung up. but still i have to continue. never been this low of my life man. and numb.



destiny. i am so not sure if i can get there.

Need a Hug?

Found this at Qing's website. The world could use more of this :)
Especially Asian countries like Singapore.



Back to my books :/

Heart for a friend.

[ mood : ]




When trouble comes I trust in You,
For I know You will lead me through,
And i know You are faithful till the end..

And when the storms are drawing near,
When i'm with You i don't have to fear,
You're the shephard on whom I can depend..

Through the day,
Through the night,
I know You're always by my side..



I am not willing to give up on a friend just yet. We are not friends by chance. So let the angels take their swords and shield. And let the broken and wing hide under their wings. Day by day, on my knees i shall pray. For this time, He will save the day. He has saved. and he will save again.


It's a week to arise and build, and i felt the flurry arrows soaring to the towers that my comerades reside. It pretty reminds me in the seige of Helms Deep in Lord of the Rings. But just as the story goes, on the third day a light shall shine. A victory shall be made. No satans that rise against me shall prosper.



Lord You are always here with me,
There is no changing God in thee,
You are the same, yesterday,
And today and forevermore.
Here on Your promises I stand,
You hold my future in Your hands,
My Solid Rock, Almighty God
I worship You.



This is my battle-song. :)
I will protect My friends. Because Love always Protects. (1 Cor 13:7)



Call me foolish. But i believe for this friend too in this period. One of my best friend.
Love believes all things. (1 Cor 13:7, NASB)



What's all this rambling about ?
It's about this battle. And the wounded are not seen as flesh and blood. But as broken dreams and broken heart. I want to make a stand for them. That is to follow my leader. And to see all my friends in this battle safe. And to do that, i would need to cling on more to God. For God is love. And love never fails. (1 Cor 13:8)




My friends and i will pray.

Cloak of Love

[ mood : ]



Lately i have been studying ... and well also playing single player rpg games at home :) (taking an advice from my little cousin =p). In games like this, you will stumble upon cool equipments like Cloaks of Fortification , Boots of Speed, Sword of Enlightenment, Nameless Light ( my favourite Bastard Sword with Great Enchantments against evil fowls) and bla bla bla.



Isn't it interersting if we have such equipments on Earth? Especially something like the boots of gospel, the shield of Faith, breastplate of Righteousness.. and something just as extraodinary.. the cloak of Love.



I read an interesting abstract (again!) from Max's - a love worth giving.

---

1 Corinthians 13:6-7

We hide. He seeks.
We bring sin. He brings a sacrifice.
We try fig leaves. He brings the robe of righteousness.
And we are left to sing the song of the prophet:
"He has covered me with clothes of salvation and wrapped me with a coat of goodness, like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding like a bride dressed in jewels"
(Isa. 61:10)


In the 1930s, Joe Wise was a young, single resident at Cook Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas. Patients called him the "doctor with the rose." He made them smile by pinning a flower from bedside bouquets on his lab coat.

Madge, however, needed more than a smile. The automobile accident had left her leg nearly severed at the knee. She was young, beautiful, and very much afraid. When Joe spotted her in the ER, he did something he'd never done before.

Joe took his lab coat, bejeweled with the rose, and placed it gently over the young woman. As she was wheeled into the operating room, the coat was removed, but she asked to keep the flower. When she awoke from surgery, it was still in her hand. When I tell you that Madge never forgot Joe, you won't be surprised. When I tell you how she thanked him, you very well may be.

As Madge recovered, he paid visits to her room. Many visits. When he learned that she was engaged, he hung a "No Visitors" sign on her door so her fiance couldn't enter. Madge didn't object. Her diary reads, "I hope that handsome young doctor comes by to visit today." He did, that day, and many others, always with a rose. One a day until she was dismissed from the hospital.

And Madge never forgot. Her response? She gave him a rose in return. The next day she gave another. Then the next, another. As they started dating, the daily roses still came. When they married, she disn't stop giving them. Madge convinced the Colonial Golf Course across the street from her house to plant roses so she could guive the doctor his daily gift. For nearly forty years, every day - a rose. Their younger son, Harold, says he can't rememer a time when there wasn't a glass in the refrigerator contatining roses from his dad.

A cloak of love. A rose of gratitude.
Have you been given the first? Then take time to give the second.

---

Its a pretty nice love story from the book. But more to that, it has also taught me another nature of agape (love). Love is not proud. It does not keep records of wrongdoing, but always rejoices with the truth. and love .. it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Apart from this, it protects us.

The secret of staying loved is learning to give and receive it. Receive it from the source of it all. and giving it to the ones around us :)


Better than any Cloak of Protection [ with +5 enchantments :) ], or helmet of fortification in the game.. once worn, it changes your attitude towards others and your living of life. :)



Know of anyone who needs a cloak of love?







practical exam tmr! yay. dun wanna screw it tis time.. :)

High-wall.

[ mood : ]




Sigh. Today so much things just run through my mind ... and it really ruined my whole morning. and i just feel so lonely. especially at night. well .. should a guy mutter away like this.. this way ? i mean i should be caring about more important stuffs .. but all my vision .. and focus is just not there.








I see a big high wall and bruised legs.














i need an elevator.

Birthday.

[ mood : ]




todays' a nice day. i woke up for once this week not feeling stress or worried. had plenty of sleep. thank God for the sumptuous rest i get today.


made a toast in the morning. told myself its going to be a beautiful day no matter what. and i ate my toast. watched the online service for awhile and played my guitar, my dear for awhile. She din sound really good this morning i guess but she still makes my heart sing when i am with her.


went out in the afternoon to accompany a friend to buy a new guitar. It's a pretty small-build guitar with rosewood and 'reinforced glass' (im not sure if it's called that. it gives the guitar a good shine look but it 'destroys' the sound according to my friend). Nevertheless it does sound quite good and the bundle packet of the accoustic guitar (with build-in plug) and amplifier cost around 299. It's a pretty good bargain for the mid-range sound it gives. I'm sure my friend likes it.


We parted ways a hour later and i went to esplanade alone to study. Its really nice there b'cos i like the scenery there. Won't say i study much there but i'm sure i enjoyed studying there more than in my messy room at home. There's this trumpet team in the library that spices the atmosphere up quite abit during my study session. quite happy to be there.


Then as i went down to watch a group of chinese musicians playing pipa, gu-zhen and another 2 don't-know-what-that's-called intruments at the concourse. quite interesting. dad vincent called me and 'commanded' me down to join them at suntec when they knew i was alone there. They treat me my very first crystal jade noodles and a bowl of crystal jade herbal chicken soup. i really like the herbal soup and the noodles are really extraordinarily nice. 2 thumbs up (dad n mom likes to do that too). and then they brought me to Anderson's ice cream stall and i ate my very first Anderson's strawberry and cream ice-cream there. It sure tastes different from Mac's 50c ice cream.




I think this year's pretty much better compared to last year. well at least i am not badly scolded on my birthday..





I asked Jesus today what's so special about today? Why do people treat me so nice just today? Why does my heart yearns so much to have a good time with others?



I don't think that's really necessary. but Jesus did. somehow i think that's what he's trying to tell me tonight. if everyone else needs a treat of kindness .. Jason needs a cup too. i planned to get some normal ice-cream treats from the supermarket tonight. Jesus went a step ahead and gave me something better... something more extravagant.




Love is kind. (1 Cor 13:4)






He's more than a saviour. He's my best friend :)


Thanks Jesus.

and thank you everyone for your birthday greetings & gifts.

Birthday Wishlist.

[ mood : ]




crossing over to 20 soon :)


In a few days time its my bday!!



My wishlist:


Spiritual Blessings
1) To draw closer to God and be a great man of God
2) To be a more efficient and learned usher and CG helper
3) Have spiritual gifts and fruits! Especially Patience, hope, Faith, love and fruits of long-suffering and gifts of healing.

Material Blessings.
4) Get a nice looking Jacket that fits well on me (good to look smart! ).
5) Nice looking Smart-cauals. (my clothes are very o-biang -__-)
6) Interesting and enriching books. [From Chris Tomlin, John Bevere, Lee Strobel, Max Lucado .. would be good ;) ]
7) DVDs of hillsong Praise and Worship sessions.

Relationship Blessings
8) Find more friends (kakis) that can spend more quality time together
9) Be a better communicator.
10) Get to know 1 or 2 more Future friends (as put by Rev Robb Thompson)/Intimate Friends (as put by Dr A.R. Bernard).

Other Blessings
11) Improve my guitar playing skills!!
12) To do well for my 'A' levels.
13) To know and spend more fruitful time with my parents. *newly added :)*



(ok need to go to camp le in a rush. aha. )

Cuneiform

[ mood : ]






Study Session with Turtle



Kids Art on - Giving.








guess who met along the way?










Terrance, working in Mrs Fields ! :)




and Pearline :)




tasty treats by terrance. (he also gave us cookies!)




sweet victory.






Study Session with Sis Hui Meng.







Now guess who we met this time?









The Expo Cat. I shall call her .. Feel :) (sounds like JianKun's dog Phil :P)




she loves to be scratched.




cleaning up




-_- (cats are probably the author of this overused online experession)




lookin at Sis Hui Meng.




Meeeeiw!




Sis Hui Meng's favourite pic. :) Feel is so adorable.






My study sessions are so full of surprises.





Talking about Feel. She is probably one of the most adorable and affectionate stray cat i've ever seen! You might have notice by now.. that this poor little cat lost a right eye. Nevertheless she is very affectionate and she will come over to you and start licking yr hand. She also loves to rub her head and body on you. That's why i call her feel! and ya she really really loves attention. And well she has no problem getting it from both of us :)




Ushers Night out.


Van trip to Bedok for dinner/supper.








That's all my week in a nutshell.




currently: Feeling really unmotivated to study. felt quite lousy at times. but, just gotta press on.


All the way! 23 more days to my practicals..

Can Do.

[ mood : ]







Many thoughts.








to simplify it all ..









Philippinans 4:13








must believe.




( picture taken from ms Stickgirl. thx stickgirl! )

untitled.

[ mood : ]





Today's horrible day. sigh i am mentally stressed out. physically weary .. and i am just not interested in anything else.




felt like crap all day.






as much as i want to be an armour - bearer .. i feel like that's no purpose carrying those armour. how did David get all that strength to carry for Saul?






in times like this why does everyone seem so far away? i feel like there are no friends at all. seems like i am surrounded by strangers everywhere.





just feel so weary. i need an infilling...

Life with our ties.

[ mood : ]



today is a good day.


guess every week i always like to reflect and put my thoughts into an online pocket. something like this ..



I've been feelin alittle mowned down lately. I feel that i am losing my visions and fighting spirit in life. you know rollercoaster feelings are one thing teenagers get to experience often. but roller coaster visions ? What's really terrible is when you start to lose all that visions and dreams that you have hoped for since the start.



i hope in this little time that i had.. i can straighten up myself to be clear what i need to do. being a sloppy, unconfident and unorganised me is of the past! wake up wake up.



sigh aside from this negative comment... i still felt blessed in some ways through this week.



My study hours are improving slightly. i can be really lazy sometimes. 'Study hard study hard' my friends say. Everytime i hear that i cringe. there's so little time left to go. I shall hope for the best. as the best is yet to be.


I got to see the show "click" today. ha through a download i made earlier... (shhh!! ). Anyway... the show is really awesome. I don't think i wanna give a full synopsis of the story here cos i think many people watch it already... But those who watch it definitely agree it's a heartwarming show! Just to briefly touch on the show - It's about a man who has found a remote control that allows him to fast-forward his life to skip the unnecessary pain, displeasures or anything outside his will. And apart from that, he can pause, mute .. any characters in his life as the life-tape runs. Eventually, this workaholic gets caught up with his work and loses his own family. This is when he realise family comes first. (kinda remind you of Lilo and stitch huh? Ohana means family :) .... ) Fortunately, he got a second chance which of cos... he makes drastic changes to make time for every member of his family. Even for his cute little doggy :). At the end of the show, i felt so touched and i just cry out to God. Through this show i realise God really wants me not to just focus on the seemingly necessary things in life. I need family time too. and with friends. But though sometimes i feel that people aren't free all the time for me. I need to really find time for them when the opportunity arises. Life is best spent with the best friends you've found :) yay.



The marriage semniar is really getting cooler and cooler each week. Though the message is more in the context of marriage itself.. i feel that it can be sooo applicable to our everday lives with our friends or even loved ones. I love the word of God!






to end this - Here's some pictures i get from my trip to Esplanade again this week..




splendors of marriage.



little boy wif little girl.



river tapes.