End of the line

today's a gloomy day for me.



im lookin forward to sunshine again. i dun wish to fight this frustration in me.



" that im not good enuff? That i'm useless. "





I reject these words in the name of Jesus. Im really upset over my incompetence over simple work. Over the people i've let down... and the relationships i failed to establish in my workplace.






God forgive me of my debts as i've forgiven my debtors. I am no longer a sinner. I walk in the authority of Christ! So HS help me walk this walk of faith in greater depth... i don't wanna sink any further as i venture into de deep. Please Lord help me. When I'm weak you are strong ... and you said My Strength is perfect in weaknesses. So God please do not leave me alone in this battlefield. Help me to fight on in my workplace. Guard my heart and mind. And protect me from the ways of evil. Thank you Jesus

Faithfulness

You are always faithful Lord.



Even in days ... when i fail in the simplest thing... your grace says " its ok.. get up and go again."



And when i sin, you chasten me hard ... all for a good reason.



I am amazed by your faithfulness.



Help me to NEVER stay in fear or doubt. And remind me Holy Spirit that you've set me apart to be a greater person and each passing day i shall be.


I shall bring the lost to Christ. I shall show love in places devoid of basic agape-love. Patience at irritating circumstance. Peace when im in a furry. And hope for my dream to be used by you in the marketplace. I want to be your mouthpiece .. like Jeremiah.. to proclaim hope to people.


Even if things are not going well in office, i hope you'll raise me up to be a person of influence. The power to influence is the power to validate. And that's all in me.



Thank you God! :)

Upset.

i dun usually like to pose negative posts. because after so much bible study lessons ... i know in my heart a Christian is set out to live a victorious life. It may not be a perfect life .... and it may be filled with many sad moments... but that's always a level of faith ... of hope pushing the heroes of faith on.... that's where i am going to be too.



I am upset over myself. That i am still a weak communicator. That i can still be rude to my grandma when she says something silly about me or reprimand me about something she has no understanding about. where is the love in me? Where is the patience when i stay around with friends who are demanding in their ways ... and insensitive to your feelings.



I know the answers to all this. But God ... i really want to change. i am depressed at how helpless i am to make an impact to the world.... or at a smaller scale ... fellowship well with my old cliches. Am i so bad with words?


God help me to be a more loving person... and a person with a stronger heart. A bigger me.

Throwing Stars

I really like Ps Tan's message yesterday. Its about throwing stars ... and making a difference in the lives of others. The whole world revolved around itself. So few people out there .. in the working world spend enough time ... to care... to share and to appreciate. And i think yesterday pastor really hit it home into our hearts the message of living a live as Christians. It inspired me a lot. Especially the drama that shows how a patient (with much effort put in... not an initial gift of HS) Christian makes a new friend out of a demanding strict superior. Something i lack in all this while. Long-suffering , patience ... and perhaps love.




But Ps did share something easy that we can all do. That's to be a star thrower and make an impact to a star ... a life one at a time. Its about starting small.... doing just something simple and kind to another person. one at a time.




Today went for my first Jams Church help-out. Well its not really my first experience as i have dealt with mentally challenged people before during my army days ... at least twice bah. Seeing their enthusiasm when they meet people, and how simple little things excite them really makes me happy. I dunno but even though they might not preach the gospel ... or share a explicit message about life and its meaning... their lives reflect it all. That is simple love. Simple care. Simple touch.


Well the day pass not with any interesting occurrence. For starters .. as i greet some of them ... that was this heart-warming chap that come over me and hug and kiss me twice.... i was never kiss before my entire life by a stranger -__- .... but well i show some love. ( never kiss back ) .. just smiled.



and well that's this guy who played wrestling with me when i shake his hand.... and well he's really big size for one ... and for two... i really dunno what to do at that point. Thank God another Jams teacher came over and help me off .... he told me not to encourage him cos he likes to pick on fights wif others. man wrestler in-the-making-in-jams. dun pray pray.


and then that's another guy ... who very cutely hold my hand for a long time. until the teacher says i should let go cos he likes to cling on my hand.... aw.



Anyway .. they are really a lovely bunch of lovely people. they are prove of people who knows how to love and be loved ... despite their disabilities.





I just wanna thank God for me being me. Whatever i become ... i must be an instrument to bring love peace and hope to others :) amen.

Thanks

8 October was just days ago.



But yet i am thankful for the abundant blessings i receive ... which includes .




. Timberland wallet ( totally cool! )


. Domanchi shirt ( very hot! )


. cardigan with matching blinky shirt. ( thx for the effort. its funny hw it was put tog. )


. 'most wanted' shirt ( no idea im wanted for wad? lol )


. 3 Different types of bday cakes on sep occasions. ( luv cakes ^^ )


. Treats to meals by friends n releatives ( outta job. but not outta friends. fellowship to me is bettar den gifts. really like it)


. ang pows ( still haven open up leh.. lol )


. nice bday card from cg. ( really cute )


. personally designed image-card from dear fren. ( really sweet )


. a simple day of attention via smses. ( thx for the 5-cent worth of thot )



and the best part of it all.




The best gift God has given me : a group of lovely friends and family.





Spent a simple day at cousin's house. Well i remembered morning was alittle unpleasant because of some family lectures which i often get these days..... but im thankful that people are out there watching over me. they may not sound very nice sometimes... but their heart is so full of love and concern. at times i fail to see that. but tinking back thru.... the harshest people in your life are actually the people that grows you the most. like back at army. like back in school. at home.



thank God for your love so evident in my life.



Bringing it all back to the present... i wanna accomplish what i set out to do this year. and of course wif a few more added goals...


1) Bring Family closer together. ( not even close in fulfillin it. much to work on )

2) bring myself closer to God. ( something im inconsistent in. much to work on too )

3) being the best guitarist and WL out there ( im improving... but still not quite there yet..)

4) a Leader in marketplace. and in Church ministry. ( needless to say... much to work on. i believe when (1) and (2) is well managed.. (4) will naturally come.. )

5) CG multiply ..... wait tat's not it... and every member will be at least a recognised ministry or marketplace leader. ( y recognised? ans: Matt 7:20 )

6) Career / Study directions. ( i still dunno my talent. )



Well. PTL !!! I got a new job assignment with Citibank now. haha Elaine said has she set up my workstation account !! I can start work next Wed! :) Well this should assist much in my building fund amount.





Thanks again Jesus buddy. :)

21

21 has arrived.




spend a day at my cousin housing nuaing and playing psp. -_- really no life.



going out later to meet fun and bao.




very bored nw. that's why im here ^^

Quit

I quit my job today.



I was kinda sad and fustrated today.



I found a secret spot to shed some tears today. to release all that fustration and burdens in me.



felt really much better. but these thoughts keep crossing my mind .. that i am a trouble-maker... that i cause more problems in my work. the lack of value in there... and team spirit really drowned me at some point.



but u noe what i pressed on ... sometimes thinking am i should be like Job.



In a sense at the end of it all ... i realise i have a great need for love and appreciation.



and the end of the day i realise another few things of myself :


1) my communication skills (with working adults) is not there. kinda like we flow with different expectations and desires. im in the world but hardly in their lives.

2) im still thirsty for love and appreciation. something that cannot be gain simply from human relations. if people refuse to give me .. its ok. i can get a better one with no strings attached ... i needa seek it out from God.

3) that God is nice. Im thankful for all the nice people he place in my lives despite it all.


4) i needa spend more time in prayer. to lay aside my setbacks and look in more to God.




It grieves me that i am not able to make an impact in peoples lives. Somehow it seems to show that people are better off without me.... this i cried out to God .... that i know is not His will. But why do i keep feeling this way ... ( and in the reality of my workplace it seems so ). I really wanna make things better for people ... and it disappoints me when things happen the opposite way.



God im nothing ... but make me something out of my imperfectness.

Just another post

Its been close to 2 months since i've written here.



you know what's cool about keepin a private online diary. Its that nobody knows. In a world where our views, our personalities can be so easily confused. Where heartfelt opinions are so easily drowned by views of others... hmmm kinda deep here. Its ok if you dun understand. Cos sometimes Jason *don't get it either* ;)



There's times when i ride on the ocean's crest.... man i tell you i soar.



And there are days where its like every surfer's nightmare. im stuck in a whirlpool of trouble.



Its so sickening. And it all comes down to this i believe. How much you really spend time with God. My trouble seems nothing when He's with me. But like any senseless sheep i sometimes wonder away.... and there he sits lookin at me run away. For a moment i felt free. yea tat moment was short-lived.



The amazing thing i wanna say is that .... like how shephard never gives up on sheeps, God never gives up on you and me. He smiles and waits for you to return. He's always waiting. Sometimes he comes to find you when you silly-ly (pardon my singlish pls) stuck your feet into a wrong hole. and you cry like every helpless kid. He comes over. And sometimes... when you are lost. or probably you seem to just lose him. Its like he was never there. But a mature sheep knows He is still waiting for you. You got to come to Him now.



Life is full of inspirations. I love how God arrange mine in such a way when i look around and see, i can smile and say " amen. "



My troubles seem so little when i place them beside you. Though i often i ask myself how can it be, that your grace is just enough for me. I know eventually, that all things will work out for me. yea.

I learn..

..... that it's not by might, nor by power... but its by the spirit.



..... that everyone needs friends. The high ones (leaders / God), the low ones (simple people) , and of course the one close to our hearts ..and the one we see everyday. Its something duh but yet when you make friends that learn to stand up for u and de truth... u noe u've truly met some awesome people.


..... to trust in God. He will provide it in the right time.



..... that dreams and visions take times to come to bud and blossom. Don't give up just yet... especially when its something God place in yr heart.



..... to be humble. to learn to reject any self-exhaltaion and put on the mind of Christ. For all works are not done for ourselves... but for others. and that thru others we in return will become prosperous :)



..... to pray more in de spirit. Not the loud bam bam bam ones. But the sweet drawing spirit that flows out of yr belly like rivers of living water.



..... to encourage. People need it. expect nothing in return. but believe when they really receive it, they will encourage u with a *two-fold return.



..... to put down unecessary burdens. And believe in Rom 8:28




It's alot of things to learn. It all actually looks quite basic when i read thru... But you know... there is something called experiential knowledge. Its to knowing it even more intimately when u experience what u learn for yrself. And i believe it begins when i took a step of faith into the marketplace.. taking a job with a humble pay. :) Truly he is faithful and just.


Thanks God for placing me in a position to manage and run events for the cg (as revealed today). Mgy heart is burning to do more exciting things for you o Lord. And i know that i might have my *downs* in planning events... but i know that this time... it'll be different. I am going to rely totally on you.... and i am not going to be ashame of falls and failings. Because its unto u that i do this. I love to have fun... and i believe fellowship events... inside or outside church should NEVER be boring. I wanna be de salt and de light. The spice that flavours the lives around me.


I love you Jesus. :)

My heart.

Amazing man. Din had so much fun .... or how shall i put it ... exciting time thru simple prayer meetings. and i mean meetingsssssss.. had 4 prayer meetings this week. I'm blown away man. Talk about revival..... there is so much movement in the spirit.




In the midst of all this.... thank God for his sustenance this whole week. Well apart from the many prayer meetings i had.... i feel the devil tempting me throughout the week.. sowing thots of selfishness, negativity and bringing me to remember my past failures to tear me down. But by his grace and mercy, i am able to stand strong and pull through. I like the verse - For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor 10:3-5


I grew to realise that we are constantly at war. Yes war ... a powerful one that was declared long ago .. even before the birth of the Adamic race. It is this war that we have to learn how to pace ourselves .. to rejoice at every victory and good moments... and to fight whenever we need to. I have to constantly guard my heart from the deceiver. and press on to the prize ahead.



Enuff of the spiritual woo-ha. I am determined to be a more detailed person! Ever since i start practising my bank 101 - Be a Man of Details! I become more aware of my errs and misses. When i grow tired ... i tend to let feelings lead the way. When i make a mistake, i will get discouraged. I made countless careless mistakes this week. Though at the start i can say i am pretty discouraged that i made the same old mistakes again and again.. i thank God for all the opportunities to learn from them. My training ground to be a more careful man has just started. And i will be a more detailed man... more tactful and wise! And hopefully when i become a leader next time in my field of interest .. or in whatever i am called to be... i will be truly a naturalist in making wise detailed analysis ... about my work. To be the best that i could be out there.




Thank you Lord :)

Presence

Today was yet another day of another good day!!!




The day has a refreshing start!!




And amazingly ... there isn't much work in office for me to do!! I am still getting a hang of my work. Can't say i am perfect ... and there will be times which i am pretty critical over my low performance .... over that silly mistakes... over my forgetfulness over what i learn yet just days ago. But i keep telling myself that it'll be better. That i am not working there by chance ... and i will be a salt and light one day. Despite the reminders of the horrible times i had in my NS days... i know that God is always faithful to me. I can't rely on the past to bring me to future. Truly every step is a step of faith. I believe that every walk i take with Him will lead me higher...



Just had prayer meeting wif the 143 / 116 gang. It was quite awkward i feel at the start ... and my fingers was seriously numb and tired. Never felt that stretched before ... since i don't usually play guitar for such a long time these days. But nevertheless.. by His strength i am still able to play a good song ... i am still able to draw down the presence of God together with Wen and everyone else. And i am glad that many people through pm had such a powerful encounter with God. It's amazing.



For me myself as a guitarist... i guess i don't have the privilege to enjoy God so intimately yet. Though it is not true to say that i will not able to get an encounter with God.... but as I serve as a guitarist, it dawned on me that whatever gifts that i had .... its for others that i serve. Not for myself.... and maybe that is why i am not able to enjoy that much as my fellow friends... as much as to receive a sweet impartation from God. In another sense, as i played during the meeting ... i think i was brought into remembrance of how the HS approached those who are meek .. who are willing to put all aside to follow him. To those who say " for me to live is Christ ... for me to die is gain". Its deep ... but yet i do know that God is on His part always waiting ... always waiting for that communion.



The presence of God is such to amazing to describe. I want to come to that place again... where his river will flow out so deeply in my life. Not just once or twice. But every single day. Every single day. In my heart .... i am so dissatisfied about one truth. That is that if signs and wonders and grow so strong among some people ...... among the heroes of faith in the past .... why not now??? What is holding back the HS ??? If only the doors are really open on our members. ... i know things will really be different. That is my desired breakthrough for my life and church.



If you can use anything Lord, you can use me. Having said all this, i am thankful that you brought me back to the walk by your grace and mercy. As i go thru AFV, i know that my time here is little. And i know that the continous war that rages all around the world is not that of the natural.. but in the spirit. I will continue to fight o God ... to overcome the strongholds of the darkness. Holy spirit guard my heart and soul. Amen.

Excellence

Food for thought by Mr. Robb Thompson

“Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.” Proverbs 22:29 (NKJV)

Stand before kings? Hard to believe, you might say, but it has happened in my life. I have had the privilege of standing before many great men and women, including kings, queens, and presidents of different nations. The verse above says, “Do you see a man who excels? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.”

Your pursuit of excellence awakens the remarkable process of transformation. You may say, “Dr. Thompson, not me. You don’t know me, I am just an ordinary Joe.”

Please listen carefully: If God can take a man who was on drugs, an alcoholic by the age of fourteen, embezzled stereo equipment, institutionalized at a mental hospital, and cause him to stand before some of the greatest men and women on the face of the earth, then He can certainly do it for you.

But . . . with every great achievement there comes a great price to be paid. As you pursue excellence, which is the continual pursuit of improvement, God takes you--an ordinary person--and does extraordinary things through your life. Now, the question is, do you believe it?

DAILY CONFESSION

Father, I thank You that I excel in my work and I will stand before kings and not unknown men.

Man of details

Bank 101: Be a man of details. Because details determine destiny.


Again it was a tiring day. But you know wad, i am amazed that i did not fall asleep in work or something. I kinda expect myself to be soooo sleepy (since i had a pretty long unrested but fun weekend) that i will doze off halfway during work. Thank God for the God-given strength to complete my work task... and somehow i think i got a hang of the work i struggled to get it right last week. As my superiors reviewed my work ... there was still tons of silly mistakes here and there.... (most if not all of which are done last week) so .. in a way i was kind of discouraged.


I realise that though my work is in a way .... pretty small scale and to a certain extent pretty dead.. i know that every detail of my work is important. A small error like not inserting a "Mr" infront of a name in a letter is unacceptable in my line of work. And somehow ... i know that if i am going to undertake something 'huge' in the future... i got to pay attention to the details i handle now. No matter how big or small it.


just as how God is detailed in making every single cell of us.... and every atom that makes up the universe. A tiny miscalculation and bam... no more Jason .... no more earth... no more pretty nice oreo cheesecakes.


Anyway i am happy that we r going to have our first cell-group initiated prayer meeting. Its been a long time since we gather together to pray for cell group... the church and even for ourselves. I really want to have fun ... and at the same time receive a greater impartation from this pm....


this is all so going to be cool. :)

Chalet and Out

Ahhhhhhhhhhh i am shagged.





jus went for service -> chalet -> morning service -> Food game (shi zhi lu kou) -> Steamboat buffet!




Spent alot !!! an amount never thought possible in my recent months .... not until God provided me with the opportunity to spend this much with my friends. Great is our God indeed!!!



I am falling sick i think. But i pretty enjoyed the fellowship. Sometimes when i get too tired... i just daze and smile ..... but at least the last 2 days... i still had the energy to interact and run around (in the game). Sadly no much appetite to enjoy the food. Me and jarrett there just wanna sleep. Zz


Gonna do QT soon. And yea i got to do QT (alone) at the East coast (small jetty) near the beach. It was a pretty rewarding experience! Though there wasn't a bam wow bam revelation.... but my heart was filled with thankfulness over all his goodness that was poured down on me this week. Pouring out my appreciation out at the breezy jetty was certainly unique!


Maybe if time permits ... i will post pics! took many pix!



I needa rest early. Till de next time....

1st Day

What a day!







Been tired again. Can't imagine .. 1st day of work and i feel pretty worn already. Probably not used to waking up early to work. Really thank God for this job.

1) It's near my house (2 NEL stops away!)
2) I have 2 friendly mentors ^^
3) It brings me better income! No more eating of grass (soon! need to get paycheck 1st).



Basically, i deal with capital repayment for Housing Loans. Sounds pretty simple, but the work process is pretty tedious and sophisticated. Maybe its because i am not used to the Bank Lingos... it's all pretty technical. I think at the end of the day, i am still a little messed up from all the different work processed i need to do. One bad thing about the job is probably because of its repetitive nature. But well i can't expect much from an office administrative job. Unless i do telemarketing or management training ... or something something else.


But one thing for sure... i want to bask myself in this office... and be able to absorb everything like a sponge. Kinda hard for a guy who has STM and i had to resort to calling my mentor "shifu" since i forgot her name again and again :) .


Well after all is said and done, it's an interesting environment. It has a pretty weird stereotype that guys will hate such jobs because its mundane less hands-on. Well that is true to a certain extent i guess. Frankly, it's boring. The up side is that i get to learn about housing loans and alittle about the back-end admin support for a bank. HSBC is a pretty cool place. It has reminiscence of my work back in NSSC in a way. :) sure brings little memories back then. ah wadeva.


Tomorrow is dressed down day! got to dressed down... down down down down down .... ^^


Be a salt and light Jason.

E-mail

got an interesting mail from Chun li. Check it out.





Rules from God


1. Wake Up !!
Decide to have a good day.
"Today is the day the Lord hath made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalms 118:24


2. Dress Up !!
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.
Man looks at outward appearance;
but the Lord looks at the heart."
I Samuel 16:7 !

3. Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen.
God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant
for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
"He who guards his lips guards his soul."
Proverbs 13:3


4. Stand Up!!...
For what you believe in.
Stand for something or you will fall for anything..
"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."
Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up !!...
To the Lord.
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13


6. Reach Up !!...
For something higher.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not unto your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him,
and He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6


7. Lift Up !!...
Your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything;
instead PRAY ABOUT
EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6



this prob makes each day counts..

Gym work.

I just came back from the Expo gym.... ahh and i just got a revelation today...



I need to hit the gym more. or at least work out my muscles more. Me knowing me knows that i will procastinate.. sadly so ... but still i wanna get back those muscles .... ahhh and get back in shape.



Hope tomorrow will be a better day. After emerge 07 ... it's like i am crawling through life these days. Been moody ..... and idle.... and just sad. Oh how long must i remain like this? sigh.



shalln't think about those sad sad stuffs. His joy shall be my strength.

Emerge!

Wad a word to say. Emerge!!





I just returned from Expo. Tired. But i felt good. No it's not just a feeling. I am just happy. Filled but still hungry. So very hungry. And i still have a a lot of digesting to do!



Pastor Kong raised many important issues that talks about many Christian's lifestyles .... and attitude. I have received a lot in my head ... but in the spirit .. i have not taken in as much. And i know the true assimilation of this knowledge comes when we live out the word.



Since this is a private blog .... with actually little or no one actually visiting here ... i have more freedom of pouring my thoughts w/o being affected by people's opinions. These few weeks .... i am really doing my best to live a life ... that is away from the opinions from people ..... only opening my ears to the words that matters. Words from leaders i respect. Words from people i am under. And ultimately words from God. Its hard.... but this brings my focus to the things that really matter. And you know .... today i feel kinda hard to communicate with cg again. Tiredness may be part of the reason. But i really feel separated from these people. It's not like i hate my cg mates .... but i just couldn't get along very well with people around me now. But yet i know that beyond feelings or such thoughts ... i need to obey God. Love people as you love yourself. Love people fervently. And as i said in my prayer ... i will obey.




I hope to be able to blog some testimonies of my lifestyle with Christ. How much God has blessed me ... and how i can share these blessings with people. Indeed, i will proclaim the word through my life attitudes as Jesus did .... with the trumpet that is now on my hand.

---

As i worship God the last few days in emerge ... there are times i broke down b4 God. There are times where my heart is in a furry and i can't sense God at all. There are times when i see Wen liang or some crowd looking at me and grew a little neighbor-conscious. It's distracting. And somehow i got some feeling thru-out the last 2 times i sat with Wenliang that he doesn't like me... -_- oh well.. As i see these things now .... i shared with turtle on a cab that i do get affected by the conditions of our cg too .... speaking from the experience of someone that has lost all faith in my cg members and friends ... i know the feeling of detachment ... the discouragement ... the disappointment in living in an environment like this. As i ponder about all these things .... i realise that it's really like what Pastor says. If it's all going to be, it's all about to me. I can't relate to young people ... or in fact people ... as well as before ... but with the HS ... i can change one soul at a time. I can try to do something. It's simple. It's either you change them or they change you. That's the power that lies in the bonds we hold. I'm living in fear frankly ... that i will fall away from God ... that the path ahead will throw me off.... But i know that's why we really need God this time. If David can rise up above Goliathe and slay the giant with what God uses in his hands .... I can certainly do the same. And even more because we are living in the times of New Testament where the HS is freely given to us.



There are many things that strike me. One thing i know is that during this emerge .... the words i receive doesn't seem to be like revelations. But in fact its more like God telling me this is my word... do it... and i'll show you more. It doesn't strike my heart as before .... but its like deposited in a seed form. That's why Pastor said so many times recently... God is searching ... he is searching for one man ... one woman who is willing to stand in the gap. Willing to take up the cross. Willing to exchange his/her life with His. Willing to go to the ends of the earth for Him. Just willing.



God i'm willing. I know my heart is dry. My mind is filled with many past disappointments. My body is weak. But God i want to be more like you. So use me as only you can.

Evil must flee!

I just watch a show on Discovery Channel while ironing clothes. I don't know what's the title (i bum into the show midway). But i was quite surprised that they portray it like a scary movie. I mean a documentary that looks like " I know what you did last summer! " ... that surely caught my interest.



The show is about an interview with a family who had a bad experience in 1 of their apartments. It wasn't an ordinary bad experience. It has to do with spirits.


From the onset i watched, they recounted the events that take place in that house. First, it was the voices they heard in the daughter's bedroom. The young girl in her teens began to complain about the strange noises she heard and that the house is weird. The mother confessed too that there is a heaviness in the air ... and she heard voices too. She began to share with her husband but he wouldn't listen as he never witness any of that. He sticks to science and brushes everything off with a simple " I'm sure there's a logical explanation behind it".


Eventually, there comes one night after a while.. the mom experienced a choking experience in the room in the night. She begin to started repeating a verse in latin ..... something she doesn't understand.... and she behaves like she's been strangled. The incident grew even more bizzare when one night, the daughter heard cold whispers in her ears.. she got up from her bed and when she look back she saw a floating head next to her. O_O Quite scary.


Eventually, after the numerous unexplainable incidents ... and to no avail in convincing his husband of their plight, she decided to do a search on a net and she located a paranormal investigation squad that specialises in the paranormal incidents. The man on the phone was pretty convinced they are dealing with spirits and he (though not a christian) consulted a Bishop before proceeding to California to find that family. He brought together his team of people ... together with high-tech equipments that is used to sense things that cannot be detected by our 5 senses. Infrared sensors, Magnetifield sensors, Microphones that can detect noises much below the audio frequencies detected by our ear ... and a whole lot of sophisticated junkies. :) The amazing thing is he said he isn't a christian .. but look at the things he do later ( i'll share at later part). Before coming, he prepared himself by fasting for 9 days! He says to defeat something evil... you have to be really good.


Their first night stay was kinda scary. I thought with more people, there will be less incidents. But no ... on the first night, one lady was up on the shift ( they take turns to monitor the house for any supernatural activities happening in their midst) ... they suddenly all hear a "pop" loud sound and they were all woken up. Suddenly, the man (from the paranormal investigation squad) was brought from a horizontal position to a vertical position like a stick from ground being lifted up! He cannot explained what happen but the people all around all were shocked. Okay i wanna fast forward all this since it is getting late..



Eventually they were convinced a demon is leaving among their midst. When they consulted their neighours earlier about the previous house owners before the family .. they learned that there was a lady which practises cult-like rituals in their stay. They began to perform a exorcism ritual on the house.... and guess what ? They began to call on the name of the Lord from the Holy scriptures! So much for being a free-thinker but using the name of the Lord to cast out evil spirits. They began to go around the house praying and burning holy incense (as mentioned in the tabernacle series in the bible). *zoom to the end* The family was relieved the demon is gone and they have sent it back to hell . There was a huge resistance by the demon btw... (If you have seen our pastors cast out demon in our church you'll understand. It's something like that..) They were still traumatised by the experience so when they had enough money .. they bought a new home.



Now as i see this show ... i was quite shaken inside .. yet something in me click in place. It's like what Ps Benny Hinn says .... when light comes into darkness... darkness flees!! Light and darkness cannot cohabit with each other. Where there is darkness ... there is no light. But when light comes.... where shall darkness hide? No where! God has won the battle. Though day by day we continue to fight the fight of faith .... and sometimes in the walk ... we lose faith.... but He tells me that it's done. I cannot fall into deceit. No darkness can prevail when light comes. I am feeling spiritually weak this week... but He assures me that i should walk by faith and not by sight.


Thank God for your redeeming grace. I will fight the good fight ... and even as non-christians acknowledged your name ... i know truly there is power in the name of Jesus. :) Thank you for showing me the way again.

Character and people.

Its just a day before emerge. Cant say i was very excited. Cant say i am burning with passion. Urg its weird. But i want to catch something tomorrow. Something in life that i'll never forget. Think as i type now, the ushers should be packing up. My CG mates and other church mates busily preparing and praying for success in tomorrow's POS. What a day it will be tomorrow! Must sleep early!




I went to Fuji Xerox towers just now for a job interview with Prudential. Apparently someone gave my name their company to do a character analysis. The company is expanding their workforce and recruiting new Prudential Advisers .... hence they are looking through contacts of people to recruit people. The interview is simple but quite unique. She mentioned about the pros of commission based job with them .... and how i can rise based on my hard work. But of course their work leans on selling "schemes" or plans for people. And certain people have a better edge because of their personality. So we did the classic "DISC" test .

So it turns out i am a high S and C person ... a low I and super low D guy. In short in translate to a more systematic Objective thinker. The 2 other job titles for this test are Specialists and something something. Basically people with D and I will perform naturally better because when it comes to marketing and sales, they can convince people and relate to them the benefits better. I supposed they are more of the extroverts. The review she let me read for an Objective thinker is surprisingly accurate review about my personality. The good points for me is that i seek out the truth, and tend to do research and make things right. The cons are the introvert attitude .. where ideas and feelings are often left deep in my mind unexpressed.



A short snipplet of DISC profile personality test.


Dominance: People who score high in the intensity of the 'D' styles factor are very active in dealing with problems and challenges, while low D scores are people who want to do more research before committing to a decision. High "D" people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering. Low D scores describe those who are conservative, low keyed, cooperative, calculating, undemanding, cautious, mild, agreeable, modest and peaceful.

Influence: People with High I scores influence others through talking and activity and tend to be emotional. They are described as convincing, magnetic, political, enthusiastic, persuasive, warm, demonstrative, trusting, and optimistic. Those with Low I scores influence more by data and facts, and not with feelings. They are described as reflective, factual, calculating, skeptical, logical, suspicious, matter of fact, pessimistic, and critical.

Steadiness (Submission in Marston's time): People with High S styles scores want a steady pace, security, and don't like sudden change. Low S intensity scores are those who like change and variety. High S persons are calm, relaxed, patient, possessive, predictable, deliberate, stable, consistent, and tend to be unemotional and poker faced. People with Low S scores are described as restless, demonstrative, impatient, eager, or even impulsive.

Conscientiousness (Compliance in Marston's time): Persons with High C styles adhere to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. High C people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, tactful. Those with Low C scores challenge the rules and want independence and are described as self-willed, stubborn, opinionated, unsystematic, arbitrary, and careless with details.


I scored 16 for Dominance, 12 - Influence, 48 - Steadiness, 24 -Compliance. Test taken from http://www.mtselect.co.uk/testing/DISC.htm




After the interview, i went to a nearby Job recruitment agency to apply for a job. One thing that worries me constantly is i do not have any office attires. I am not sure if my formal clothes i wear to usher is okay because i hardly see anyone wear that sort of attire in offices. Most wear light blue, green, or white shirt with a simple neat tie. Plus i lost my army shoes .... urgh I don't wanna ask money from my stingy grandma. So maybe i can borrow some money and buy and then repay after i get my first pay check. :)



As i drop by the library, i read some cool testimonies from True (Singapore) Files about how lives are miraculously changed. One story talked about a man who suffered low self esteem and never found love and comfort .... and he constantly had sexual thoughts over men. Not a very bright situation. But as he met church mates who actually sit there to listen and share with him, he gradually finds light in his situation. Though it was a tough walk, he made it through with intensive counceling and care of the people around him.



I grew to wonder about a few things of our Church and other churches in Singapore. Not saying that i am comparing God's work ... but i just want to understand more of the reality in the world i am in. My Church - City Harvest can be said as the coolest place in town. Not because we specialised in entertainment, but rather works of excellence that pleases God. Whatever for? This is the modern translation of being on fire with God. We worship God with everything that we had. We give passionately. We meet people passionately. We stand up for truths... and yea we do our best in being Christian. But even more importantly, we want to be closer with Him. And we are willing to obey the mandate given to the church.


That's the good part in being a big church with strong spiritual foundations and great leaders. But somehow, i wonder if we, actually do simple things like have house to house fellowship? Like going up to someone's house specially just to pray for the person ? I see that in books. But somehow i do not know if it can happen in our church.


some random ramblings..

GDOP.

GDOP stands for Global day of prayer.



Wonder if everyone was praying all around the world on the same day we gathered at National Stadium..


It was a pretty interesting event .... well at least its something u dun get to see every week at expo. It was a pretty slow-paced event ... but it was good. Ushered with Jarrett through the meeting.



The event wasn't as packed as i thought. But well, i think everyone enjoyed praying together that day. A praying nation is hmmmm... i dunno. A mighty nation!!!




A hot day followed by a breezy night.





we are far far far away from stage....



prayer partner.

Wonder

hmm..




I could be a bird in the sky....
and ride the thermal drifts to the horizon.

I could be a fish in the sea...
and enjoy the splendors of the deep.


I could be an ignorant ant...
that works and works day by day.


Or I could be just me.
A spectator in the wonders of your creation.
That knows the true value of life itself is in you.


Thank God for making me, me. Your faith in me taught me to believe..

---

My granny nags again. Early morning nagging is not good for your brain.
She tells me if i do not want to study, go get a job. Ahh but i'm already doing it. It's just that i have not told her yet. Thinking about all of it all .... i somehow dwell back into the past where those hurtful words were said to me. I can still remember those words! It's hard to let go.... but to hold on to spiteful emotions is harder. Because the damage it does to my heart is immeasurable. Forgiving is also an art to master.



Jobs jobs jobs ........ i need a job.

Going..

I went to search for a job today .... and ironically .... i do not know the name of the company ... or the exact location of the venue.... but i just went and followed the lead of my contact...


Turns out to be a sales job with this company - DW Group. Throughout the intro and interview (round1), thoughts of " Is this another MLM conspiracy ??? or would this be another NTI experience" keep running through the back of my mind.... i feel alittle paranoid there but as he explained more about the job.... i realised is another job with Sales.


Great!



I don't like sales job. The last time a seemingly nice com-guy con me into this job of selling computers .... with promises that we will sell at least 20 over plus computers.. wow! and guess what ... our top owner sold only 11 computers. I sold 5 coms thru the whole com-fair and well ... bygones bygones... i forgive the guy .... and sales probably is not my cup of tea. I don't know.... but i really wanna get a job .... a good paying job with a bank. Maybe i can lower my expectations on the pay part but i wanna know how the banking world is like and whether its my passion to work in bank. So i message all my friends in banks if there are vacancies .... but sadly there are no good news yet.




ahhh nvm. I got to keep trying. I want 1 year of work experience before i choose to further my studies. Hopefully the experience will prove useful ... or even better help me to understand my calling on the way. Pastor always say that the signs and wonders are in the market place. Its not reserved specially just for synagogues or church meetings.... but God longs to move mightily among the people in the world. I just hope that i will not get too much of office politics =/



Thank God for your sustenance. Truly by your grace, i have the ability to serve in the cg again. And by your mercy, i found peace. God with all that i have, i pray that i will have more of you in my life. For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Thank you Jesus.

Struggle

Oh God.....



Who can stand righteous before you o Lord?




Who can share the intimate (secret) things of God ....??





O Lord i have sin against you. and against you only have i sinned.I know that many are called but few are chosen.
It is so hard to walk in the path i need to walk Lord.
But God can i experience you even more intimately than before? Despite what my caretakers say, i have forgo it all to follow you... And yet i do not want to disappoint yet another person.. my loved ones. And i know i have constantly upset you with my sins and pride.
But God you say you are forgiving and just....
and it will take time to forge back our friendship of trust.
Lord i will perservere for the upward call of God...
seeking Jesus, my author and finisher of faith...
with the help of the Holy spirit my advocate,
I will wanna see blue skies with that rainbow u made for Noah..and the love you gave to all your dearest beloved children abba Father..


Do not forsake me again for i am alone in this spiritual battle.


I still want to be a man of God. A friend of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.


Not my will but yours ..... amen.

---

I want to follow but what does it mean?
To live in this world and keep everything clean
Nothing i own here is every my own
When i live in the mercy and blessing you've shown
I lay down my life, see the world through your eyes
And fight for the hungry who pay for our lives
I want to help you in all of you will
So Jesus consume me, fill through me
Because now is the time


lyrics by Delirious?

$$$

I need finances.........




thank God for the job that came by last week... the details are quite sketchy though.. -_- and its only 1 hour per day! And if they are going to pay me around $5 per hr .... i cant imagine further. Oh well i need to pay my BF badly...



I begin to ponder about a few things recently.... one aspect is about financial breakthrough. I do not have any big financial breakthroughs so far ...... and frankly ... i am wondering the offering messages that i gave ... all those promises... will it come to past?


I realise something that any educated 3 - year old kid can tell me ... No work = no pay = no luxuries = no giving to the Lord = no giving to friends. As much as i would like to bless others in their birthday ... the main problem now is that i am spending too much time at home .. either playing games ... surfing the net or reading manga(s) .. than getting a proper job to equip myself with experience and cash! Its just my old lazy bones... and my old habit of procastinating...


I feel like i have to hunt for more jobs fast... and even if it means i would not be able to fulfill my BF in time ... i got to try.



Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? ..... You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only ....... For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

James 2 : 21-22, 24, 26


You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.

John 15 :16

The Old and the New.

I had a great week last week.





And after the BS lessons, the books and the infilling of God's word in my life... suddenly there seems to be a light upon my path.




God has spoken many times in my life... but it was a pity i did not treasure those times i spent with him. He has a great vision for me ... and probably the mantle might have been given to another faithful one. However, i know he always has plans for every single one of us. A calling. And even as i try to draw close to him.... i get to understand that most of the time i will not be able to feel God's presence. If it God is so real, and if he long to have such a communion with us ... why is it so hard to seek God. Qi Hui told me last week that she had a revelation of that during our zone prayer meeting. Well the revelation she had is amazing. She mentioned that to know God more, just like knowing any ordinary friend ... you'll need to spend more time ... more effort ... sometimes necessary sacrifices to understand that person well. This in turn indirectly shows how much you value him/her. Qi hui has showed me this before. I on the other hand run from the ones i treasure before. Can't face them. The devil really did his job.


But now, in another sense i get to know God so so much better this week. This is i must say a 50% head-knowledge and a 50% revelation. I believe i still do not have a full revelation of what God is doing or showing me in my life. I realise that in all that emptiness i have within me .... my longing for some infilling of substance has drawn me away and to God. When his presence is there, i praise Him and thank Him .. and rejoice in that atmosphere. But when i could not feel his presence ... or do not feel like engaging it ... my spirit hungers less ... and the desires of my flesh increases. Its a struggle and when Bro Jeremy talk about it in BS, i begin to see a clear reflection of my attitude and my response towards God. God wants me to fellowship with him intimately. And He wants to draw me so close to him. Though many times i cannot feel him there... when i seek, i cannot find. "Where are you".... i always asked. Then i learned he was just right that at that time. I couldn't see Him. Or feel Him. But he is there. And the reason is because there are still areas in my life God has to deal with before we can commune closely. I will have to follow closely his lead...




Now, I want to seek God for who He is. Not just what He can do. The Beattitudes are really a description of the people of Heaven. And to be like one .... i need to start learning it well from my Teacher. HS..




In Christ, I am a new creature. I will put on my New man and rejoice with all the great exchanges Jesus paid for me.

Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion. And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude], And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God's image, [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness.

Eph 4 : 22-24.

He said..

I haven't been doing my PDL series so regularly because .....




1) I play too much games ....... just too much.


2) reading other books....


3) not praying well too.




You know in christianity .... all the woo-ahs about God and religion .... can be brought down to such a simple level. Ps CK showed me yesterday. And i have not witnessed the love of God and His presence in such a tangible manner like it was in yesterday's meeting. I mean it is different from our regular service .. where we have the lights and great sound and preacher. Those are good. But the fire among the people isn't there. Yesterday the HS just moved so freely among us. I mean its different from Ps Benny Hinn's meeting where the whole stadium is electrified .... but in another sense ... i get to know how God moves among the hungry .... and the meek. All around me ... people were weeping .... but i didn't. But i feel blankets after blankets .... wave after waves of water pouring on me..... and a message telling me to straighten up.



He told me softly that He has some place prepared for me ... and unless i give up my old man .... every single day ... put that on the cross, and move to put on the new man that Christ so graciously gave to me... i will never be in that place where i can fulfill my role on this earth. It was not a big .... loud ... or what you call the manifestation of HS i had there... rather it was a simple message. A still small voice in my head that assures me that he takes care of me despite my disobedience.



God has done so much. I know. But somewhere in my heart .... i feel dead. I feel that i am overunned by my mistakes or my sins. But then i also know this doesn't matter as much as gaining the actual righteousness of God. Even if it dulls or pains me .... it still has to be done, And I have to do it.



Thank you for taking that cup of suffering for my sake. I want to understand more of it... someday i hope i can really know you as David knows you..

---

Points to rememeber n meditate from yesterday's prayer meeting :


1) Have a daily encounter with God. God is ever closer than i think.

- In the stillness, in the quiet (and secret) place ... he is there. ( Elijah in 1 Kings. )

- The longest distance in our body is from our heart to our head. Take time to settle in. Do not rush.

- A personal encounter with God sometimes requires obedience and sacrifice. With obedience as the priority.

- God speaks to the hungry. He reveals the secret to the thirsty ones.

- Simple old worship songs can be more effective sometimes. Especially in a personal quiet time.

2) Serving God effectively is not just an art. Its also in the heart.

- Do i need to be professional to serve God? No! Professionalism comes naturally when we move with Him in the spirit (revelation)

- The basic requirement ... is simply our heart. Be a Mary who listens and worships. Rather than a Martha who works professionally, but gets lost in the motion.

- Spiritual check (every day) : Do you have the joy / passion to serve God and people ? If no : Renew that fire. Go seek him again. If yes : Praise the Lord.



End.

finally....

my blogger is ok! :D





i wun see silly things when i type my posts :)

For you.

i feel refreshed today after a good prayer wif cell group.



i have been pondering about the sermon of Mounts message and my late readings by John Bevere ... and of course my BS lessons. About my lifestyle .. and attitude.... i just cant develop that happy healthy me again. I know God is working very much on my inside now .. and that's why he brought me to where i was. And even though there are times i neglected him, he still calls out to me in very different ways. Like through books... through the things i do... (they would just suddenly feel meaningless). He wants my attention.... but on my part ... i will sometimes just do the things i want to do.


How do i die to myself everyday? How do i praise God even at my most unconvenient time? This is like Basic Christianity 101. This is what probably what David calls sacrifice of praise. I want to die to my old self ... and develop that hunger again. For that special secret mana he reserve for those who seeks him earnestly...


I realise something on Saturday service on God's part in our relationship. B. Jeremy has said that God has done everything possible for Him to gain us back.. Everything. And what i don't realise till recently is that the power of the cross is still continuously at work ... even up till today. The sanctifying ... the breaking of self ... its not me. I can't do anything about this sin .... but only one ... that is to choose to not sin. And i realise the power of sin weakens when we yield more to God. The bible says we cannot serve two masters ... and it's either Him or the principalities of this world. And yet unknowingly .... Jesus continues to help us fight this fight. And yea the battle is won long ago..... and this struggle i have.... we have.... it is nothing as long as we dun give in.



God, help me oh lord. I have pride in my life. I know it. And together with it comes with these insecurities ... this fear .... this loneliness. I yearn for love. for friendship. For something that can satisfy my soul. But yet i found none. And when all is finally silenced in my life... i found yr voice calling me. I have changed O Lord. I have experienced some of the pleasures of this world. And i give thanks for the legitimate ones you gave. But Lord i know that i truly belong to you ... and i pray that i will be closer to you ... every single day. Help me God..... i know its not by might nor power ... but by your spirit o Lord. I need you....

!@#$

my blog has problems. everything seems to be in haywire... cant post properly. hai.


Anyway praise the lord... i love this week's message. I can see now all that he's doing in my life... up till now.

Age Gap?

I recently told my new cgl that i want to be a helper again.



Lots of conviction burn in my heart... I mean i really do not like to lead. I guess you can call me the "serving" type rather than leading type. But i really feel God calling me to walk out from my comfort zone to do his works again.... To feed his lamb, tend his sheep... and feed his sheeps.



I'm so confused today. On my way back... i was really tired. I can't say that i did alot of work ... but maybe because of the lack of exercise ... i grew easily exhausted after all the chair carrying and shifting in Expo. But yea .. on the way back ... i became quite irritated with the gang i was with. My cg mates. It's like i don't belong there at all... The things they say ... the lame joke they crack ... yea they are ok. But I am not particularly keen to participate and talk. Sure in the past i will just go ahead and chat wif them to my very very best. But now it's different. I do want to fellowship.. but a part of me does not want to be with them. I am not a child a kid anymore. The "woos and ahhs" about teenage life doesn't really impress me anymore. I really don't know but i think after coming out of army ... i feel that i need to be more like a man and less like a kid. I mean i like to party and such ... but together with them .. it's almost like a joke.



God what's happening to me? You called me for your work ... yet to me it all seem so wrong... this environment i'm in. I kept thinking that i might need to change cg. But no lord.. i won't decide this based on my feelings or thoughts. Yet God, please show me how to connect with the young lives again. Please also show me if i should continue together with this cg w143. I am in a mess right now but yet Lord i know your ways are higher than mine... so are your thoughts. Holy spirit guide me. Thank you God. Amen.


A short extract from John 21.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." 16 Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." 17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. 18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God.

PDL 7 - All to You

[ The 7th installment thus far for Purpose Driven Life. ]


Point to ponder: It's all for him

Romans 11:36b (LB) For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory.



It's all for him. Everything around me worships Him.


Have you ever thought what does the birds in the sky, the sand, sea and clouds ... the little ants that crawl towards your food ... the little cute puppy you got as a pet .. what's all this to you? Why are they here on earth ? I mean we know the role they play very well. Birds chirp, fly around and hunt for food. They learn the dangers of their environment and are always alert lest they become a part of someone's food chain. Collectively, it can be said they are all for one purpose. That purpose is the same for all of them. That is to glorify God.


I read a book by Lee Strobel that argues many theories of our time on faith, science and religion. What intrigues me is that the readily build up arguments against God can be so easily torn down by an unbiased thorough research on the subject. I mean it is like Jeremiah 29 :13 come to pass all over again for each field. May it be the argument of Creationism vs Evolution, or the argument about the validity of our precious bible, or even emotional subjects that deals with a Good God that allows sufferings and deaths on this world... It all shows one thing .... that if you want to prove God's reality... you will know it if you seek him with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.


And everything around us proves that God is the creator of this world. I am still curious about many things of this world ... and if possible i would like to visit Israel one day to know more about the heritage and all that is said in the bible of the ancient times. But i know one thing is that God did not created something by accident. Everything was created for a reason. Sometimes it is really difficult to conceptualize the nature of his work. But sometimes when i look around at the things around me, i am really amazed there are such 'things' around me. ( Things as a general term for everything .. humans, objects, animals ... anything ). So Rick tells me now it is done for his glory. It makes sense.


The bible says, "You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For you created everything." (Rev 4:11a) It is his nature to be glorious. And when creation fulfills their purpose, they bring glory to God. It goes to the same for us. When we fulfill our purpose in our lifetime, we glorify God and His name. But as humans, we can constantly give him glory in other different ways too. Rick shows this through 5 examples.

1) we give him glory through worship.
Its is more that an act of praising. It is a lifestyle of enjoying, loving and giving yourself to Him.

2) We give him glory by loving other believers.
Its my responsibility to love others as God does.

3) We give him glory by becoming like Christ.
We have to mature to be sons of God that is shown through our Christ-likeness.

4) We give him glory by serving others with our gifts.
We are given gifts for the benefit of others. Just like others for our own.

5) We give him glory by telling others about him.
The Gospel is also called Good news. Any good news is meant to be shared and not kept secret.


Rick finally says living a life for the glory of God would require a shift in my priorities. What is first ? As mentioned in my last PDL reflection, i always put God as my wrong priority. Some days he will be first. Some days, i can't find him anywhere in the list. But it's still a matter of choice of Him or me. I have already made the choice for Him. But then again in different circumstances, my life doesn't reflect so. And it's really time to yield to Him more... The bible says, if we yield to Him, He will yield to us.. and the cares of the world will fade away. ( i forgot what verse...) . Nevertheless... i am happy that God still accepts me and my faults. And one day i will be a great man of God. And people can constantly see Jesus in me...


Dear God, thank you for the word. I have my worries now ... about the right course to choose, about my finances and debts, about my future and destiny. But i know you are my creator. You know me better than i do myself. And your spirit searches all things ... and even the deep things of God. Lord i want to avail myself to you that you may do a work in me ... and change me to a different me. A me that puts away all childishness and foolishness. A me that can stand in the gap and fulfill your calling for my life. Lord let me know my gifts so that i can serve people better ... and let me know my purpose here so that i can have a destination to go to. Thank you God for everything that you've done. Even now it is hard to communicate with people i used to know... i pray that one day i might find my place in my circle of friends. Holy spirit thanks for teaching me the word. All glory and honor to You. Amen.

PDL 6 - A temporary job

Points to ponder : This earth is not my home


"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:18 (NIV)


King David once prayed, "Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away." (Ps 39:4)


It is quite sad to know that time flies by so fast. I mean i am an adult now. Like it or not i have to accept my new found responsibilities. Work, make a living, and before you know it, i'll have to pass the baton to yet another younger generation. I read alittle of Ecc on how time can past away so quickly. And the wise and the fool all have the ultimate fate of death. But christians know that death is yet but another new beginning. And that's when our everlasting journey starts. Then what shall we make of our time on this earth? Isn't it like what King Solomon likes to describe, " chasing after the wind?


Compared to eternity, our life time here is pretty brief. So Rick advised that we shouldn't get too attached. On this earth, we are described as Christ's ambassador (2 Cor 5:20). For now, it's quite hard for me to digest this temporary assignment. Well one thing bad about me is that on my priority list, God is still not totally 1st. I will put my sleep, fun, pleasure all before God. And this is probably why i think i am more attached to the worldly affairs than to the kingdom of God. I know it will definitely not be easy .... but i do not wish to lose away the holy ghost in my life. Each time i put these things 1st, i feel that i am compromising something. Something else in my life......


After thinking a little through, i think i do not want to end up like a rich young ruler mentioned in Marck 10. He faithfully obey God's commandments ... but he is unwilling to let go of the treasures he stored on earth. Jesus commented that " it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to eanter the kingdom of God". I lernt from Mr Jeremy that the eye of a needle is a special small gate next to the big Jerusalem gate specially catered for visitors at night. It is so small that in order for a rich person's camel to pass through, the camel must be totally unloaded and it has to kneel and be pushed through the tiny door.


To be able to go through this door, i have to learn to humble myself. All good things in the world are given by God. But yet, they are of this world. I cannot bring it to heaven. Rick advises that all the pain that we experience on this world also serves to remind us of one thing... that is we are not home yet. This is an imperfect world that we are walking in. That certain dissatisfaction is to steer our eyes to eternity. That real prize is still ahead.


God, this is an awfully long journey. But i know you can shorten it anytime. But yet Lord i know you have place a purpose for every single one of us. I still do not know mine Lord. And i still struggle with temptations and desires of this world. But God, your grace is always sufficient for my needs. I thank you God that you always have good plans for me. Plans to prosper and not to fail. I want to be able to prosper in life. In health, works and in spirit. Thank you Jesus for all that you've done. Please continue to guide me Holy Spirit...

Peace.

Peace Is Not The Absence Of Turmoil; It Is The Acknowledgement Of God’s Presence.
by Ps Robb Thompson.

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)



Not only was there a bitter herb set upon the Passover table, but there was also a sweet, delicate herb. Parsley is that customary herb, used to remind Jews of the sweet, peaceful incidents that no doubt occurred during their long journey to the land God prepared for them. But God cares far more about your faith than He does about your comfort. We read in 1 Peter 1:7 that trials are only tests of our faith, to show that it is strong and pure.

In Job 23:8-9, Job records his search for God, “I go east, but He is not there. I go west, but I cannot find Him. I do not see Him in the north, for He is hidden. I turn to the south, but I cannot find Him.” It could have appeared to Job that God had entirely abandoned him. All of his efforts to find God’s presence in his turmoil led to nothing until we come to verse 10, which says, “But He knows…” Job acknowledges that God knows his state, and if God knows, then He must be near!

He contines, “But He knows where I am going, and when He has tested me like gold in a fire, He will pronounce me innocent.” Do those sound like the words of an anxious, fretful man? No! His words come from a heart that is reassured of God’s faithfulness even in his trouble, and because of that, great peace, as celebrated with the sweet herb, guards his heart and fixates his mind.

Let me ask you, has God eveur failed you before? Even once? Then why would He fail you now? Remember His faithfulness in times past, and rest in the peace He so generously provides.

Confession :

Father, I thank You that I walk in Your righteousness, and that You never allow me to be moved, made to fall, slip, or fail.

[ extracted from Daily Success Key from Ps Robb Thompson ]

Thoughts

I have been thinking. After opening up this blog to 3 leaders... it is alittle much less personal now. But that's okay since they are my leaders. They are my covering. That is why i understant my need to account. For now i am under another leader - Xiu wen. She wants to get into my life ... but i am not letting her in. She said its ok and she will not compel me. And she will wait for me to respond to her again.



Why am i doing this ?



What am i becoming?




I don't want to shut her off. I mean she has been a great partner when we were helpers in the past. We shared alot of our burdens together. We prayed alot together... After she left w143, i was very upset. But weeks later, i realise she is different. She tells me that i can confide with her. I told her i am different from her. She asked me twice on seperate occasion what's the difference.... and i did not reply her. I guess this is one part no one will understand. I am different from others. It goes beyond our personality, interests, wants and needs. In short the difference has nothing to do with our genetic make-up in being who we we are. Its just me and everyone in the cg. We are different. We will lead different lives. I am not certain where mine will go. I am not certain the friends that will be following me there. And possible the worst thing in this period is to hurt or lose some precious friends that i shut off deliberately. That is something i hate to do. But i realise unless i learn the value of each friend in my life ... i can't move on. The friends that i place such high esteem in are just not suitable for that level. They aren't as special as i hope they would become. It becomes hard after that. I find it hard to connect to the people i thought i knew. I tried. In army.... in cg .... to get into their lives and everything. And sometimes it gets discouraging because nobody understand i am trying. At one part i gave up and ran away from cg. It was at a pretty grim period of my life. I admit i was pretty self-centred at that time. And it is probably wiser to move on from lookin at myself to looking at God. But the fact is no one was there. No one. I still love God. I think they thought i was backsliding. I wasn't. But spiritually i wasn't doing good either. So all the things about self-esteem, confidence, mature thinking, being strong that Cheryl spoke to me about... yea they are all true. They are necessary and relevant to a certain extent.


Right now, I have to find the right circle of friends. The right ones. Not just any nice caring little friend. But one that i can connect to. I feel that sometimes i ain't myself. But i tell myself i need to be mature. I need to really find friends. Not just members. Yea i mean they can be good companions. But i want friends. I want good friends. Just like Sis Florence told me lat night. We all needs friends to hold us up sometimes in our walk. I tried to deny the need of friends many times but failed. These relationships are important. Ineed friends which holds the right values in life as Ps Robb Thompson always emphasised. Most importantly friends that love God. And friends that i know that i know will be my friends forever.



Holy spirit please help me and lead me in this. If I've done anything wrong ... convict me. I don't want to have mediocre people in my lives. I truly want to know what friends are for. and what's the meaning of the people you have place in my life. what they really are. I know that you know i do not just want activity partners ... where all we do and talk is about the activity we do. and when the interest disappears, so do they. But nonetheless .. maybe all this are just not in your will. Maybe i understand too little and act foolishly. Maybe i might lose more than i thought. But God, do show me more the meaning of relationships. Let thy will be done. Thank you lord..


Wen, i am letting you read this too now cos yr my leader and somehow i feel i need to let you know.. I know your concern about me.... I want you to know that i treasure you very much ... but there are some things i dunno how to explain properly to you ... and i don't want to say unnecessary things that hurt people around me. So i just wanna do and try...

MSU

Just went for pm today.... and i realise our church members are in the Miss Singapore Universe (MSU).... So i went to have a look at the show..... and i come into some conclusions.



Intelligence can be sexy.



So girls might want to consider spending an equal amount of time in libaries as they spend in salons...




As the saying go ... smile a mile.




The bigger the better. You have reach your mark if your megawatt smile can light up the city district.




Chris Daughtry's song Home was sang by Jonathan Leong on that show too.. A very nice imho. The 1st time i heard Chris's song ... i thought "since when did Jon's singing got so good ?" They share a pretty similar style of singing... except Chris's voice is much more exceedingly powerful and sexy. Like the tone of his songs :)



The day went pretty well. Had some misunderstanding earlier but thank God it was resolved. I really treasure this friend of mine and i think by far ... she is the only one i can connect very well thus far. But well i have no special feelings for her. I hope she does well for her upcoming exams.



I sense the Holy Spirit often these days.... but when my eyes are darken ... i know he is hurt. So i got to make sure i yield more him than the things of this world. He is precious. Kathryn Kulman cried over this precious friend in her services. Benny Hinn listens intently and obediently everytime he speaks. And it is hard to catch him if you are always moving around ... busy with all the agendas in life. I don't want to miss him again. I want to fall in love with him again. Holy Spirt if you read blogs.... please really ever don't leave me again. I'm sorry that i abandon you last time. Love you holy spirit.

Electricity!!

i got to bath just 15 mins ago.. quite exhausted so i shall rant very very fast.



I just realise today how important electricity is. I mean its like a neglected, overlooked force in our everyday lives but in a urban city like Singapore, how many people are able to survive without electricity? Technically speaking, of course we can! But we will miss all its splendor and goodness if it is missing. Caveman lives are sure not fun to experience.



That's how i felt waiting 2 hours ago, waiting for the electrical current to flow again back again to power my appliances. I don't want to bath without the heat. Or sleep in my stuffy room without my trusty-o-fan. The ugly truth is is that i am really quite dependent on all my electrical appliances to meet my needs (or wants if you prefer to call it). It brings to think the world before electricity was born. Things are done probably in a more hectic way back then. I mean they don't get air-con. Don't talk about even smsing or computer games. But even more interestingly, i feel it relates to a life without the power of God in it. I remembered Ps Benny illustrated once in his book " Good Morning Holy Spirit" - on how the Holy Spirit is liken to electricity. He says if i was to be asked by someone to on the lights. 3 forces will be involved. 1st will be the person who issues the command - relates to the Father. 2nd would be the person performing the command obediently - relates to the son Jesus. And 3rd would be the power that brings the light. That's the Holy Spirit! That's it!! The holy spirit is soo that essential in our Christian walk too!



There can be little things that i can do with my 2 bare hands. With my own strength alone, i will not be able to accomplish much in my given life span. But with the power of he Holy Ghost, i am sure i will be able to achieve more far-reaching effects. For with God, all things are possible. Without Him, its like losing one of your most trusted firend.



Holy Spirit please guide me more. I know sometimes the affairs of this world might drown your voice in my heart. But Lord, i want to hear you more. I want to know and to know and to know the validty of your goodness in my life. Please do something earth-shaking in my life that i can bring about a great testimony of your power and love to the people around. I am willing to follow you God. Thank you Holy Spirit.

PDL 5 - God's Lens.

I'm quite tired now -_-. Woke up early to do some work and before i know it ... i will be going out soon. Really have to pray for strength since i will be ushering again after a long while. I will be a normal usher again this time. I do hope i am able to relate back to my fellow ushers again. Holy spirit please guide me...

Today's PDL is quite good. It talks about viewing life from God's perspective. The way we see our lives shape our lives. Rick mentions about how we see our life and our understanding of our life.


I will come home later to blog more :) i need to prepare myself for my day later sooooooo ..... i shall think about it more later.

---

I am back home from church!! Survived the blackout and now i shall continue......


Before pondering about the PDL message, i want to share about today.


Ushering was pretty good today. Though i tend to forget some little details during my ushering ... i thank God that he is able to help me flow and really usher into people to the zone. It wasn't easy since i had quite abit of sore throat and can't yell too loud. I think the Holy spirit really helped me alot as i usher today. I manage to fufill my role pretty well today. I did share alittle to my Section IC about what happened to me the past few weeks too. She encourage me to find that special friend(s) that i can connect personally to b'cos as humans we need support. I hope i find them soon.


Fellowship with the new w143 wasn't very fruitful on my part. Many people asked me why i was so quiet or why i look so sad. And sometimes i just simply reply i have nothing to say... or i will say the right things at the right time. I wonder if it's ok.. I know the importance of fellowship and the different communication level to build up our relationships... but somehow, i am not keen to talk to my friends in w143 anymore. I mean if it's just one memeber or so .... i feel alittle more at ease to talk freely. But together in the big group.... i don't know. i can't talk to them. And somehow i also do not want to try any more. I do wonder if i can ever connect with them again. It feels different this time. Maybe i am getting old on them. Maybe i am a lousy communicator. But enough negativity.... i shall try. I don't want to upset them but sometimes i feel its best that i am not with them. To me, its kinda hard to talk to anyone in church anymore. But nevertheless, i will try.


In PDL 5, Rick brings us into the attention of our real deal on earth. Rick gets me to ponder about my life metaphor - the image of what i make life to be. I have never thought of such funny things before... hmm maybe when i was still a kid? and this according to him determines my expectations, my values, my relationships, my goals and priorities. I would like to think of life as a long long jouney of a small windy paths to a big big castle. and there will be storms, winds, and of course many other easier paths with many different interesting people in each paths. Kind of like a fairy tale story if you ask me. As a kid, i like to imagine myself in alot of such stories (with all the bad guys inside. It is childish in a sense... but i feel most creative in that period. Its like the sky is the limit. Now these dreams can be so easily smashed by the hard truths in reality. But the worthy persistent ones might birth something new .. :)


ok enough of my rambling... Rick cuts in straight with some hard truths. In Romans 12:2, we are asked to be renewed in our minds to have heavenly standards. And not the earthly ones. And in this life, God is actually putting all of us into a test. Life is a test (1st biblical metaphor) of our character, faith, obedience, steadfastness through the trials and tribulations. It certainly did not went quite well with me. In fact there are times in the journey which i point my finger to God in anger and fustration over what's happening in my life. I couldn't make sense of it. I don't want to go through it. I think it is crazy to follow through when many people around me have much happier lives that they embrace. And then bitterness enter my life. There will be times God 'shook' me up. There will be times God just remain silent (as He did to King Hezekiah 2 Chr 32:31). Ms Elaine, my current temporary CGL said that God gives 3 possible responses to our prayers ... Yes, No or wait. And her experience tells her that He will only appear at the right time ... at the point where she really needs him in her life. That is the point where she will knows that it is God that makes it possible. I didn't know about that... i mean i know he works at the right time. But at the crucial point.... It does make alittle sense.


Rick wants me to know that when i really understand this truth, i will know that every little single event has impact in my life. Everyday is important and every moment can be a unseen opportunity. In every test, God will ensure that His grace is sufficient. I still struggle to live that out in my life. I need to get closer to God.


Life on earth is also a trust. (the 2nd biblical metaphor). A trust of responsibilities. I know that God has made us all stewards of this world. Ever since the time of Adam and Eve, we are expected to govern and manage the things of this world. 1 Cor 4:2 (NCV) has a striking point. It says those who are trusted with something valuable must show that they are worthy of that trust. I suddenly realise an important truth. How many of us think it is a priveledge to born in Singapore in this generation ? Firstly, we experience peace here. 50 years ago, Singapore was still a war-torn country. And even today, there are still nations struggling with uncertainity and apprehension of what tomorrow may bring. Isn't it good that we have no such worries here? Second, we are a prosperous nation! We have good edu system, good (and highly paid) government, a good military and police force within our country.... etc.. We have such luxuries even in such a small nation. Thridly, we are free to practise our faith. I remembered those tearing Chinese people who have to pay a price for believing in God. They have to pay a price for their faith. The persecution around them can be very discouraging. But they are really fervant lovers of God. Teens live with suicidal thoughts. Adults worrying about the future... and as chrisitans here, we have the peace of God and the ease to spread the gospel. Entrusted with all this goodness... i realise we are expected to these blessings to the unchurched and unsaved around us. And this luxuries are not there forever. We are expected to manage and treasure our assets well. and one dat Matt 25:21 will come to past. Well done good and faithful servant ..... ...



We can share our Master's joy.



point to ponder: Life is a test and trust.


Luke 16:10a (NLT) "Unless you are faith in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones."