Wad a word to say. Emerge!!
I just returned from Expo. Tired. But i felt good. No it's not just a feeling. I am just happy. Filled but still hungry. So very hungry. And i still have a a lot of digesting to do!
Pastor Kong raised many important issues that talks about many Christian's lifestyles .... and attitude. I have received a lot in my head ... but in the spirit .. i have not taken in as much. And i know the true assimilation of this knowledge comes when we live out the word.
Since this is a private blog .... with actually little or no one actually visiting here ... i have more freedom of pouring my thoughts w/o being affected by people's opinions. These few weeks .... i am really doing my best to live a life ... that is away from the opinions from people ..... only opening my ears to the words that matters. Words from leaders i respect. Words from people i am under. And ultimately words from God. Its hard.... but this brings my focus to the things that really matter. And you know .... today i feel kinda hard to communicate with cg again. Tiredness may be part of the reason. But i really feel separated from these people. It's not like i hate my cg mates .... but i just couldn't get along very well with people around me now. But yet i know that beyond feelings or such thoughts ... i need to obey God. Love people as you love yourself. Love people fervently. And as i said in my prayer ... i will obey.
I hope to be able to blog some testimonies of my lifestyle with Christ. How much God has blessed me ... and how i can share these blessings with people. Indeed, i will proclaim the word through my life attitudes as Jesus did .... with the trumpet that is now on my hand.
As i worship God the last few days in emerge ... there are times i broke down b4 God. There are times where my heart is in a furry and i can't sense God at all. There are times when i see Wen liang or some crowd looking at me and grew a little neighbor-conscious. It's distracting. And somehow i got some feeling thru-out the last 2 times i sat with Wenliang that he doesn't like me... -_- oh well.. As i see these things now .... i shared with turtle on a cab that i do get affected by the conditions of our cg too .... speaking from the experience of someone that has lost all faith in my cg members and friends ... i know the feeling of detachment ... the discouragement ... the disappointment in living in an environment like this. As i ponder about all these things .... i realise that it's really like what Pastor says. If it's all going to be, it's all about to me. I can't relate to young people ... or in fact people ... as well as before ... but with the HS ... i can change one soul at a time. I can try to do something. It's simple. It's either you change them or they change you. That's the power that lies in the bonds we hold. I'm living in fear frankly ... that i will fall away from God ... that the path ahead will throw me off.... But i know that's why we really need God this time. If David can rise up above Goliathe and slay the giant with what God uses in his hands .... I can certainly do the same. And even more because we are living in the times of New Testament where the HS is freely given to us.
There are many things that strike me. One thing i know is that during this emerge .... the words i receive doesn't seem to be like revelations. But in fact its more like God telling me this is my word... do it... and i'll show you more. It doesn't strike my heart as before .... but its like deposited in a seed form. That's why Pastor said so many times recently... God is searching ... he is searching for one man ... one woman who is willing to stand in the gap. Willing to take up the cross. Willing to exchange his/her life with His. Willing to go to the ends of the earth for Him. Just willing.
God i'm willing. I know my heart is dry. My mind is filled with many past disappointments. My body is weak. But God i want to be more like you. So use me as only you can.
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