World through Your eyes

i went through a whole entire day. working with my left hand. my right hand felt it was being hammered every 5 seconds. coughin away. sneezing away. man i wasnt feeling good all day. Thank God it wasnt so bad.... when i can go home early to rest. and with modern medication... i can ease my hand easily. i suddenly remembered Jacob in all of this, how he had a limp. a weakness... that hurts him. every step.. it hurts. every move and twitch he makes with his legs... it hurts... but every step... He was reminded... "i wrestled with God... and i prevailed" what that really means.... i dont really know. but i know how sick he must be with his life to have wrestled with God.... and after that.. he became a prince. JAcob to Israel i shall depend on you more.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt 26th President of USA. Man who make a decision to step up make a difference. Today as Pastor shared this statement and it reminded how much a value of a dream can be. i remember how my dear ones have to suffer under a negative spotlight for a period...

I can't believe I allow myself to behave like this again. Seriously.. What's wrong with me? Is there no hope??? Can I please have a breakthrough Lord. My heart aches..... Ng, sent via iphone � [Godliness with contentment is great gain]

9-10 Jabez was a better man than his brothers, a man of honor. His mother had named him Jabez (Oh, the pain!), saying, "A painful birth! I bore him in great pain!" Jabez prayed to the God of Israel: "Bless me, O bless me! Give me land, large tracts of land. And provide your personal protection—don't let evil hurt me." God gave him what he asked. Dear God... i have forgotten this pain. this pain caused by rheumatamoid arthritis. the pain that stills away your locomotions. everything i do just takes double or triple the time. and the pain falls on my right wrist... means everything i do has to be done on my left hand. brushing of teeth, cooking my noodles, bsthing .. even typing. i used to feel alot of self pity.. now i just am so irritated by this. cooking a bowl of noodles takes so much more time now... and guess what.. my left hand slip and everything fell over. God i cant help but think is there a future for me... how can i take care of people whe...

God... i am going to do abit of homework today. to create a list of the unhealthy habits and thought life. i notice a certain pattern of childish intepretations of what others are doing that makes me feel lousy.. or possibly angry with myself. 1) When talking to a person - if she looks around halfway and look at something more interesting that what i am talking.... i will feel that my words are boring. my conversation is not engaging. result: i will feel frustrated w myself. and angry at the other party not paying attention. verdict: i think its silly. i am used to being the centre of attention when i am young in primary school. when i mature... suddenly all that attention is lost... as my uncles and auntie move house. i began to feel insecure cos i am not making connections with people the way i used to do. now how do i go about solving this? rewiring my mind helps? i need a word from the bible. 2) when i speak to someone... and the person doesnt reply. it...

Dear God.. my heart is exeedingly sorrowful. i just feel i really need a breakthrough in my life. I really love this person alot. can you imagine that time and time again you keep hurting the same person u love .. the person that love you. i just really feel like a jerk i just read through an email she wrote when we were first really getting to know each other. on 3 August.. she wrote this statement "yea, so like what i was sharing, i really hope to have a man in my life, who can really take care of me. who loves me and supports me, and understanding towards how i feel and make me feel fulfilled as a woman. where my life is really maximised. where being in a relationship is really a blessing to each other and not a pain or agony. i know there are no perfect relationships, but, it's like, on a whole, the relationship will feel more blissful than painful... you know what i mean? really hope to have a guy who really has a heart for God. who loves God, who serves...

Dear God, Sometimes I feel like a mouse in this big big world. Im not sure if I am schizophrenic. Or I have another spirit that lives in me. I constantly feel I am useless.. And people don't deserve my time. When an attempt to strike conversation w someone failed.. And my colleagues can enjoy heart to conversation.. I will think there must be something wrong w me When my frens graduate from their studies.. And I'm still studying,. I Will think there is something wrong with me. With the recent episode w vic. And sometimes when members tell me me can't serve. They can't come Cg or service.. Cos they are doing assignment... I will think is it because there is something wrong w cell group or service? Or am I thinking too much. I fell sick twice in these 2 weeks. Body is weak. I feel so weak. God look at me. I have nothing to lead the people. No credentials. I am not a role model. Whats good in me? What's my strength? I feel so helpless now. Hopeless. And I don't kow...

A biannual review. Citi has this culture where we need to do some goal plotting. But this time it's different. The boss will seat w every staff and discuss about our goals.. Our areas to work on. Or on any feedback. She said our big boss is happy that I'm more lively .. Seldom doze off in work when I change my seat to seat near my department colleagues (previously I seat far away from my dept due to com shortage) Hearing this makes me happy.. But yet.. I can't help thinking inhale a weak body. I tried to sleep earlier but I still feel so tired at work. Sometimes I really don't know why. Just so tired. When I'm out w frens.. I will get tired easily..... :( and they are all upset of me because of that I'm really frustrated over all these things... Frustrated that I'm not being the head ... But Im being the tail. Something is really wrong huh Then my boss says I always give an image that I look blur or loss hen communicating w people. She knows I'm not.. B...

these few days... been talking to brothers.... i thank God that i have more brotherly frriendships these year. at least mature christians whom have great heart... and also a very human soul. we laugh.. share our weakness... talk about our visions .. dreams and life ahead. it is great fellowship w Alan and Wei Quan... and Jasper. i pray that we will all grow in the Lord... and most importantly... we live out our life according to God's plan for us. :) its really nice to rub off some manhood from each other...

someone told me this week... in life u can either complain and stay e same... or u can work hard and believe in a change. comes in pretty useful to me. change. e only constant thing in life. its also something i am learning to accept in my life. changes in the lives of people around me. their circumstance. all our circumstance.... change. but glory to God because he make all things new. and He makes all things well in line. for his ways .. his thoughts are higher. well the actual issues are i need to get over certain hurts that are etched in my heart. they are like broken glass stuck at a corner. everytime the wound is revisted.. it aches. and i know my God is pulling it out.... i know im sensitive guy. and its really by his grace i can be able to be gracious i feel. if not i will prob explode on the inside. I am not where i am supposed to be but thank God i am not the way i used to be... (Joyce Meyer) and its a work in progress. i keep blaming God this week for making me. There are j...

its been a long day. tiring. but get to spend time w friends, im thankful. think its been awhile i blog. i feel quite twisted on the inside. like something is twisting my heart around. i cant fathom why. it is depressing me. yea. be a man. thicken it out. why cant i just get this feeling out of me. :( or is hardening my heart the way ? God.... :( when is shower. i thought about today being Father's day. today being the day we thank our Father for all that he has done.... or just simply letting know we love him. i began to think about what i remember about fatherhood.... i really dont think i can remember anything. i have many foster parents i guess. my grandma's children ( or my dad's unmarried brothers and sisters) stayed with me when i was young. i guess i was at the centre of the attention among them. they cane me. fed me. clothed me. and sometimes i wonder why i was born in such a messy place. i think alot when i was young. i thouight of how many times i am to plan my ...

1 Thessalonians 1 1 Paul, Silas [ a ] and Timothy, To the church of the Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ: Grace and peace to you. Thanksgiving for the Thessalonians’ Faith 2 We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. 3 We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we know, brothers and sisters [ b ] loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. 6 You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. 7 And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. 8 The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—your ...

i am thinking about what i am thinking now... im feeling alittle lousy right now... this post shall not be a post where i beat myself up.. you know... i have heard about my real mom. my actual mom. my dad says she is crazy.... she once wanted to throw me out of a window when i was a baby.... from the way my dad tells it... she left us and ran away. she couldnt stand it. i cannot understand this... and i am not so sure if i ever will. how a mom leaves his child behind ? but what makes me wonder is...... was my mom sane. did she snapped because of something that happened.. and for me... will i follow after her footsteps? will i one day snapped like she did ? i dont know but its like a lingering thing in me... sigh. i hope i am not crazy. but i shall just remmeber this verse. ps91. those who dwell in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadows of the almighty. I will say of Him ... He is my refuge. and my strength. In Him i will trust.

feel very tired. sigh. i need to spend some time with God. i dont know how to keep doing what i am doing now...

just back from guitar class with Bro Poh.... man he's really a charismatic... funny.... but really annointed leader. Well one thing he said really caught me in my gut..... that is that as a christian, we have to develop the gifts/talents God has given to us. "be loyal to the crafts He gave you" yea that's the word... and i think during this period of holiday.. i can easily spent it lazing aroud,,, playing games.... etc.. but somehow deep inside me.. i feel unfulfilled :( like something is really missing. things i will really wanna improve... or really develop... these passions are my guitar! my photography!! and also to have more time-out with friends :) lots and lots of catching up to do. but i feel this is also a season God is telling me to build momentum for the next half of the year. this free time will not go on forever. every day is still a precious day. so a part of me says! :O i want to go overseas!!! i want to learn driving!!! I want to buy new (bigger) cloth...

its been such a long while... spending a quiet sunday with you. just hearing from you. im putting on hold every agenda... every plans that i always have at the back of my mind.. just a simple nice Sunday morning with You God i just want thank you for being so good to me.... there is non greater than you..... i struggle alot with my faith sometimes... in believing for things to come to past. yesterday you told me its time... to trust in You again. You reminded me of your goodness.. how you transform a F student to a top student in class in my primary school. You did that again F - A in secondary school. and now.... i know you will do again. what are failures before you God? In you we can expect great things. We can have vulnerable times... but our hope is in you. ive long forgotten about my arthritis. growing up with it makes be believe i can never be a sportsman. growing up with it makes me feel inferior to all other guys out there. but yesterday you told me... its time to move out of ...

To my first Econs paper. The one I failed consecutively The one that stands between my path of subject mastery. I shall conquer u! Now back to my abyss of mugnation at this so called NTU with my sidekick bunny baby. I fastandfurious man will prevail!! Ng, sent via iphone � [Godliness with contentment is great gain]

God thank you for a wonderful day ahead. I have a great time with Xiuwen and friends yesterday. They are all a bunch of great people. Thank you for the safe journey yesterday. Indeed she is so appreciative. I'm happy I made her day well. I don't think I am really special. But she love me Still Bless today. I want to believe it will be a fruitful day. Even as the day gets busier .. I want to trust in You... Believe that it will be such an awesome day. All things work together for the good of those who Love You. You are awesome God!! Most worthy to be praised!! Let not my tongue forget to praise. Through all things,.. I know you are faithful and good. And your mercy endures forever. I love you lord. Love you! Ng, sent via iphone � [Godliness with contentment is great gain]

G C Thank you for the cross, the mighty cross Am D That God himself should die for such as us G G7 And everyday we're changed C G/B Am Into your image more and more C D G C D Yes, by the cross we've truly been transformed G C And we're so amazed and we give you praise Am D G That you would save us at such a cost Em C And we're so amazed and we give you praise Am D Em A For the power of the cross Am D G For the power of the cross Artist: Mark Altrogge Copyright: 1990 Integrity's Praise! Music

Feel so unproductive with my studies today. So sian that I can't concentrate at all.... I can't understand what I am reading too... It's so frustrating! How can I have a breakthrough? God only you know. If I am at where I am.. And If I am really to shine as a salt and light with these responsibilities I am holding.. I am tellin you God.. I can't do it unless you are with me. And you bless me. Or else I think I really cannot make it. God I need you! Ng, sent via iphone � [Godliness with contentment is great gain]

Can't concentrate in class... Urgh Ng, sent via iphone � [Godliness with contentment is great gain]

so tired..... . need to be fruitful >:(

hang out with the guys yesterday... dear told me ytd ... "you always say pple never ask you out... now the guys ask you out.. why not join them ? join them laaa " and that make so much sense... its funny. why didn't i just join them yesterday ? its just one night out. and it can temporary take my mind off work and studies.. but i was more concern over my studies then fellowship with them.. anyway its a good meetup. wont say we have alot of heart to heart talk... most of the conversation circled around the upcoming elections and games. ahhhh i feel the lack of topics in our mens talk! I think one of them were quite bored since he is not really into gaming. maybe the guys here are not doing anything more than just these things huh ? I feel God made man to take care of things. So we have a pretty deep down need to make sure things run well... that's my perception... so the lack of meaningful activities could possibly make a guy wander into a fantasy world. like in those ...

God ... I feel like a wretched man. To have hurt my baby like this. I'm not the least supporting her in what I do... I am being my old self. In my last conversation with her... I put her on a spot. I am such a fool... Such a fool. In my bid to defend my heart from further heartaches... I broke hers. I have been selfish. I need to see things differently. Indeed God.. I should Have applied what I read yesterday... This verse is for me.. You said.. Phil 4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again―rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. 6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. God .. I have been a fool... God... I don't want to live a fool's life anymore. I don't wa...

yeps... im at home again.. spend happy time with my grandma :) gosh.... i really need to rethink alot of things in my life. i think i have seen so many people going for exciting activities outside.... it's like they are 'doing' something... is it just my mindset? am i limiting myself by always telling myself i cant do it? is it bad planning ? lack of determination to carry out that conviction ? i see people going for AVIVA trialthon..... Jamming with their friends (oh man..... i wanna jam) .... going for holidays and short trips overseas... gymming.... everyday for me.. its just screen and books. occasionally i update my CMS. call some friends. do some follow ups. argh. i dunno. i dont expect anyone to understand this feeling in me. God you got to give me an answer?? IF that is not IT ?? then how should i move on ?? i cant take another step with this dissonance in me. it sucks big time.

have you ever felt that that when you try to speak... your voice is but like a tiny voice in the world? and there is little significance in your words. in what you say? there are flashes of this.. that happens to me today... its like Scene ( ^0^)... ( hey you know we can do..... ) (^_^ ) ( HEY.... u noe hor ).. (^o ^ ) ( +_+)... ........... ( ^o^).. ( yea yea.. ahaha i think so too ) ( bla bla ) ..(^_^ ) honestly..... i still do not understand. as typical as it is.... there is no big deal in such happenings.... but if it persist over a group conversation again and again ( ^0^)... ( errraahhh yes i .... ) ........... ( ^o^)( ^.^ ) (^.^ ) ( +_+)... .... ( +_+)... .... ( +_+) @!! in situations like for mr ( +_+) (since he always give this face).... he.... can choose to either be thick skin and find out the flow of the conversation ? in other words blend in ... or simply blend out (like a wallpaper) so.... do you blend in or blend out? and if you do blend in... ...

-Kari Jobe So faithful. So constant. So loving and so true. So powerful in all You do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move and You love for me to sing to You. I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never, forsake me in my weaknesses I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart. To remind me who You are. So patient, So gracious, So merciful and true… So wonderful in all You do. You know me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You Lord, I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never, forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart. To remind me that I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never, forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart. To remind me who You are. I know that You are. This song is so meaningful... our life are filled ...

Philippians 3 The Priceless Value of Knowing Christ 1 Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters, [ a ] rejoice in the Lord. I never get tired of telling you these things, and I do it to safeguard your faith. 2 Watch out for those dogs, those people who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to be saved. 3 For we who worship by the Spirit of God [ b ] are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, 4 though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more! 5 I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obey...

Ephesians 4 Unity in the Body 1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. 5 There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all. 7 However, he has given each one of us a special gift [ a ] through the generosity of Christ. 8 That is why the Scriptures say, “When he ascended to the heights, he led a crowd of captives and gave gifts to his people.” [ b ] 9 Notice that it says “he ascended.” This clearly means that Christ also descended to our lowly world. [ c ] 10 And the same one who de...

Feeling stress over exam... I'm afraid I will fail my exams.. :( I need your grace.... :( Ng, sent via iphone � [Godliness with contentment is great gain]

just doesnt seem to have enough time...... to do things. lately... have felt alittle void... like lack of human interactions ? feel fruitless too.... i dont know. wished i had more time to go visit members or something. there must be a reson i am in where i am now. like a season thing. but i just cant understand what i am in now.... and i feel so sian studying and working. i need strength,

i su*k at memory work.... seriously ... i feel quite lousy about myself sometimes because of that. but its ok.. i shall remain positive. i am probably not remembering things the right way... Well today..... i looked through my past emails with bb before we dated. we spend really alot of time talking to one another. the conversations.. half the time are silly.... half the time are serious... but reading it brings smiles to my face... i re-read a description that i made of her to someone in an email - " Even tho I din go thru the same thing… but I just feel painful seeing her like that. For me .. it even became very hard to sing a praise song for God… but thank God… I got to talk to her. So we spent awhile talking… and I am really encouraged by her even thru the conversation. She showed such deep level of empathy for people… and this part of her reminds me of Sun. I told her I believe God will make her stronger through this period and this ‘emotions’ she goes thru .. to me… is a ...

wow... today went to many places!! from bb plc -> wedding -> bb plc -> attributes bk store -> CHC svc :) -> ion orchard -> changi chalet... and im back home! literally i think i went with bb from one end to the other. i think at the earlier part of the day... i was alittle >:O ... but till the end .. i am more :) and :P that means: it's a day well spent! thank God for today.

What I take home tonight: putting the word of God at the highest priority. Today we had fellowship Cg. Well half the time I weirdly felt out of place. It's a sick weird feeling that lingers in me.. A fear that I will make conversation and people will look at you and say .. Huh... what are u talking about? You are so weird. Back in camp .. These 2 weeks.. Honestly such stigma exist. I will prefer to hide in my own shell.. And not let someone know who I am really like.. Lest they jeer and make fun of me... Yet I know in my heart.. All this is cool. This is how we make friends.. We lighten things up.. And in that we enjoy each other... Strangely.. I haven't felt that in awhile. And when I can successfully enter into a conversation where people accepts the things I say.. I feel accepted in the group. (Goffman's theory in social psychology) Well... Back to where I was saying.. Today's fellowship is great. Laughters. Great food. Abit disappointed in the lack of participation ...

havent been blogging for quite awhile. just want to say... Praise the lord :) ... with my new laptop.. typing is made so much easier.... i can also resume blogging!! :) yes! Today i was released early from camp! actually it's really by the grace of God... coming to this ICT... i not only can take a break from my work.... i get allowance.. and my company still pays me..... my reservist is like an unofficial break from normal work - study routine. And i get to go home early on certain days :) how sweet is that?? Thank God for it really! Today ... I was hunting for a MSG bible for my friend "VT" ... from this shop in peopls park near my estate... Trust bookstore. I must say i am beginning to appreciate the shop owner more and more. He always leave me with a very 'welcome' feeling when i enter his shop. And one thing about him that every patrons will experience... His very explicit display for his love of God! He talk about Jesus likes his best friend next door. Alway...