Conversation w boss

A biannual review. Citi has this culture where we need to do some goal plotting. But this time it's different. The boss will seat w every staff and discuss about our goals.. Our areas to work on. Or on any feedback.

She said our big boss is happy that I'm more lively .. Seldom doze off in work when I change my seat to seat near my department colleagues (previously I seat far away from my dept due to com shortage)

Hearing this makes me happy.. But yet.. I can't help thinking inhale a weak body. I tried to sleep earlier but I still feel so tired at work. Sometimes I really don't know why. Just so tired.

When I'm out w frens.. I will get tired easily.....

:( and they are all upset of me because of that

I'm really frustrated over all these things...

Frustrated that I'm not being the head ... But Im being the tail.

Something is really wrong huh

Then my boss says I always give an image that I look blur or loss hen communicating w people. She knows I'm not.. But I always give people tha perception.. By my countenance and subtle reactions....

I really seek to improve what I can improve. :( but I want to e promoted! She says she is worried how well I can cope. Can I multitask. Will I get stress easily. Can I remember things better.

There was once I was having a bad flu. My female colleagues were pushing their pedestal.. And when I did not offer to help... They feedback to the boss I'm somehow rather passive.

Boss knows I'm in church and in community Svc. She knows I'm sick.

Somehow I could have still step out and offer help. Think the holy spirit nudge me. But seeing how some other colleague help. I think I am not needed

I seem to be underperforming in my work :( seem like I am giving lots of bad impression of myself..

But she gave me positive feedbacks too. On how I led huddle .. Is very natural. I engage the people well.

Thinking though all these things.. Honestly I feel discourage.

Thinking I can't bid for a house for Xiuwen makes me even more sad. If we can't bid soon.. Then when :(? When there are no more slots? And we have to wait past 2014? 2015? 2016?

I hope to have a house of my own.... W the woman I love.

Sometimes she is busy.... W so many things and so many people. When my school starts.. Will she have time for me..

Ok I'm gg to rant this out. End of rant

Now God.. These are things I need help in. Maybe I need to readjust my perspective alittle. Maybe I need to pray up and find strength to e able to face up to certain challenges.

I can only say lord... I wanna trust you, I know I have deep issues. But God can u please deliver me. Help me o see a breakthrough for every single prob here.

I can't shine as salt and light if I can't even take care of myself. Right God?

My heart pains. I don't know why... It just hurts so much when I think of all these things. I need you God :((

Ng, sent via iphone �
[Godliness with contentment is great gain]