[ The 7th installment thus far for Purpose Driven Life. ]
Point to ponder: It's all for him
Romans 11:36b (LB) For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory.
It's all for him. Everything around me worships Him.
Have you ever thought what does the birds in the sky, the sand, sea and clouds ... the little ants that crawl towards your food ... the little cute puppy you got as a pet .. what's all this to you? Why are they here on earth ? I mean we know the role they play very well. Birds chirp, fly around and hunt for food. They learn the dangers of their environment and are always alert lest they become a part of someone's food chain. Collectively, it can be said they are all for one purpose. That purpose is the same for all of them. That is to glorify God.
I read a book by Lee Strobel that argues many theories of our time on faith, science and religion. What intrigues me is that the readily build up arguments against God can be so easily torn down by an unbiased thorough research on the subject. I mean it is like Jeremiah 29 :13 come to pass all over again for each field. May it be the argument of Creationism vs Evolution, or the argument about the validity of our precious bible, or even emotional subjects that deals with a Good God that allows sufferings and deaths on this world... It all shows one thing .... that if you want to prove God's reality... you will know it if you seek him with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.
And everything around us proves that God is the creator of this world. I am still curious about many things of this world ... and if possible i would like to visit Israel one day to know more about the heritage and all that is said in the bible of the ancient times. But i know one thing is that God did not created something by accident. Everything was created for a reason. Sometimes it is really difficult to conceptualize the nature of his work. But sometimes when i look around at the things around me, i am really amazed there are such 'things' around me. ( Things as a general term for everything .. humans, objects, animals ... anything ). So Rick tells me now it is done for his glory. It makes sense.
The bible says, "You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For you created everything." (Rev 4:11a) It is his nature to be glorious. And when creation fulfills their purpose, they bring glory to God. It goes to the same for us. When we fulfill our purpose in our lifetime, we glorify God and His name. But as humans, we can constantly give him glory in other different ways too. Rick shows this through 5 examples.
1) we give him glory through worship.
Its is more that an act of praising. It is a lifestyle of enjoying, loving and giving yourself to Him.
2) We give him glory by loving other believers.
Its my responsibility to love others as God does.
3) We give him glory by becoming like Christ.
We have to mature to be sons of God that is shown through our Christ-likeness.
4) We give him glory by serving others with our gifts.
We are given gifts for the benefit of others. Just like others for our own.
5) We give him glory by telling others about him.
The Gospel is also called Good news. Any good news is meant to be shared and not kept secret.
Rick finally says living a life for the glory of God would require a shift in my priorities. What is first ? As mentioned in my last PDL reflection, i always put God as my wrong priority. Some days he will be first. Some days, i can't find him anywhere in the list. But it's still a matter of choice of Him or me. I have already made the choice for Him. But then again in different circumstances, my life doesn't reflect so. And it's really time to yield to Him more... The bible says, if we yield to Him, He will yield to us.. and the cares of the world will fade away. ( i forgot what verse...) . Nevertheless... i am happy that God still accepts me and my faults. And one day i will be a great man of God. And people can constantly see Jesus in me...
Dear God, thank you for the word. I have my worries now ... about the right course to choose, about my finances and debts, about my future and destiny. But i know you are my creator. You know me better than i do myself. And your spirit searches all things ... and even the deep things of God. Lord i want to avail myself to you that you may do a work in me ... and change me to a different me. A me that puts away all childishness and foolishness. A me that can stand in the gap and fulfill your calling for my life. Lord let me know my gifts so that i can serve people better ... and let me know my purpose here so that i can have a destination to go to. Thank you God for everything that you've done. Even now it is hard to communicate with people i used to know... i pray that one day i might find my place in my circle of friends. Holy spirit thanks for teaching me the word. All glory and honor to You. Amen.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
PDL 6 - A temporary job
Points to ponder : This earth is not my home
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:18 (NIV)
King David once prayed, "Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away." (Ps 39:4)
It is quite sad to know that time flies by so fast. I mean i am an adult now. Like it or not i have to accept my new found responsibilities. Work, make a living, and before you know it, i'll have to pass the baton to yet another younger generation. I read alittle of Ecc on how time can past away so quickly. And the wise and the fool all have the ultimate fate of death. But christians know that death is yet but another new beginning. And that's when our everlasting journey starts. Then what shall we make of our time on this earth? Isn't it like what King Solomon likes to describe, " chasing after the wind?
Compared to eternity, our life time here is pretty brief. So Rick advised that we shouldn't get too attached. On this earth, we are described as Christ's ambassador (2 Cor 5:20). For now, it's quite hard for me to digest this temporary assignment. Well one thing bad about me is that on my priority list, God is still not totally 1st. I will put my sleep, fun, pleasure all before God. And this is probably why i think i am more attached to the worldly affairs than to the kingdom of God. I know it will definitely not be easy .... but i do not wish to lose away the holy ghost in my life. Each time i put these things 1st, i feel that i am compromising something. Something else in my life......
After thinking a little through, i think i do not want to end up like a rich young ruler mentioned in Marck 10. He faithfully obey God's commandments ... but he is unwilling to let go of the treasures he stored on earth. Jesus commented that " it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to eanter the kingdom of God". I lernt from Mr Jeremy that the eye of a needle is a special small gate next to the big Jerusalem gate specially catered for visitors at night. It is so small that in order for a rich person's camel to pass through, the camel must be totally unloaded and it has to kneel and be pushed through the tiny door.
To be able to go through this door, i have to learn to humble myself. All good things in the world are given by God. But yet, they are of this world. I cannot bring it to heaven. Rick advises that all the pain that we experience on this world also serves to remind us of one thing... that is we are not home yet. This is an imperfect world that we are walking in. That certain dissatisfaction is to steer our eyes to eternity. That real prize is still ahead.
God, this is an awfully long journey. But i know you can shorten it anytime. But yet Lord i know you have place a purpose for every single one of us. I still do not know mine Lord. And i still struggle with temptations and desires of this world. But God, your grace is always sufficient for my needs. I thank you God that you always have good plans for me. Plans to prosper and not to fail. I want to be able to prosper in life. In health, works and in spirit. Thank you Jesus for all that you've done. Please continue to guide me Holy Spirit...
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:18 (NIV)
King David once prayed, "Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away." (Ps 39:4)
It is quite sad to know that time flies by so fast. I mean i am an adult now. Like it or not i have to accept my new found responsibilities. Work, make a living, and before you know it, i'll have to pass the baton to yet another younger generation. I read alittle of Ecc on how time can past away so quickly. And the wise and the fool all have the ultimate fate of death. But christians know that death is yet but another new beginning. And that's when our everlasting journey starts. Then what shall we make of our time on this earth? Isn't it like what King Solomon likes to describe, " chasing after the wind?
Compared to eternity, our life time here is pretty brief. So Rick advised that we shouldn't get too attached. On this earth, we are described as Christ's ambassador (2 Cor 5:20). For now, it's quite hard for me to digest this temporary assignment. Well one thing bad about me is that on my priority list, God is still not totally 1st. I will put my sleep, fun, pleasure all before God. And this is probably why i think i am more attached to the worldly affairs than to the kingdom of God. I know it will definitely not be easy .... but i do not wish to lose away the holy ghost in my life. Each time i put these things 1st, i feel that i am compromising something. Something else in my life......
After thinking a little through, i think i do not want to end up like a rich young ruler mentioned in Marck 10. He faithfully obey God's commandments ... but he is unwilling to let go of the treasures he stored on earth. Jesus commented that " it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to eanter the kingdom of God". I lernt from Mr Jeremy that the eye of a needle is a special small gate next to the big Jerusalem gate specially catered for visitors at night. It is so small that in order for a rich person's camel to pass through, the camel must be totally unloaded and it has to kneel and be pushed through the tiny door.
To be able to go through this door, i have to learn to humble myself. All good things in the world are given by God. But yet, they are of this world. I cannot bring it to heaven. Rick advises that all the pain that we experience on this world also serves to remind us of one thing... that is we are not home yet. This is an imperfect world that we are walking in. That certain dissatisfaction is to steer our eyes to eternity. That real prize is still ahead.
God, this is an awfully long journey. But i know you can shorten it anytime. But yet Lord i know you have place a purpose for every single one of us. I still do not know mine Lord. And i still struggle with temptations and desires of this world. But God, your grace is always sufficient for my needs. I thank you God that you always have good plans for me. Plans to prosper and not to fail. I want to be able to prosper in life. In health, works and in spirit. Thank you Jesus for all that you've done. Please continue to guide me Holy Spirit...
Peace.
Peace Is Not The Absence Of Turmoil; It Is The Acknowledgement Of God’s Presence.
by Ps Robb Thompson.
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Not only was there a bitter herb set upon the Passover table, but there was also a sweet, delicate herb. Parsley is that customary herb, used to remind Jews of the sweet, peaceful incidents that no doubt occurred during their long journey to the land God prepared for them. But God cares far more about your faith than He does about your comfort. We read in 1 Peter 1:7 that trials are only tests of our faith, to show that it is strong and pure.
In Job 23:8-9, Job records his search for God, “I go east, but He is not there. I go west, but I cannot find Him. I do not see Him in the north, for He is hidden. I turn to the south, but I cannot find Him.” It could have appeared to Job that God had entirely abandoned him. All of his efforts to find God’s presence in his turmoil led to nothing until we come to verse 10, which says, “But He knows…” Job acknowledges that God knows his state, and if God knows, then He must be near!
[ extracted from Daily Success Key from Ps Robb Thompson ]
by Ps Robb Thompson.
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Not only was there a bitter herb set upon the Passover table, but there was also a sweet, delicate herb. Parsley is that customary herb, used to remind Jews of the sweet, peaceful incidents that no doubt occurred during their long journey to the land God prepared for them. But God cares far more about your faith than He does about your comfort. We read in 1 Peter 1:7 that trials are only tests of our faith, to show that it is strong and pure.
In Job 23:8-9, Job records his search for God, “I go east, but He is not there. I go west, but I cannot find Him. I do not see Him in the north, for He is hidden. I turn to the south, but I cannot find Him.” It could have appeared to Job that God had entirely abandoned him. All of his efforts to find God’s presence in his turmoil led to nothing until we come to verse 10, which says, “But He knows…” Job acknowledges that God knows his state, and if God knows, then He must be near!
He contines, “But He knows where I am going, and when He has tested me like gold in a fire, He will pronounce me innocent.” Do those sound like the words of an anxious, fretful man? No! His words come from a heart that is reassured of God’s faithfulness even in his trouble, and because of that, great peace, as celebrated with the sweet herb, guards his heart and fixates his mind.
Let me ask you, has God eveur failed you before? Even once? Then why would He fail you now? Remember His faithfulness in times past, and rest in the peace He so generously provides.
Confession :
Father, I thank You that I walk in Your righteousness, and that You never allow me to be moved, made to fall, slip, or fail.
[ extracted from Daily Success Key from Ps Robb Thompson ]
Thoughts
I have been thinking. After opening up this blog to 3 leaders... it is alittle much less personal now. But that's okay since they are my leaders. They are my covering. That is why i understant my need to account. For now i am under another leader - Xiu wen. She wants to get into my life ... but i am not letting her in. She said its ok and she will not compel me. And she will wait for me to respond to her again.
Why am i doing this ?
What am i becoming?
I don't want to shut her off. I mean she has been a great partner when we were helpers in the past. We shared alot of our burdens together. We prayed alot together... After she left w143, i was very upset. But weeks later, i realise she is different. She tells me that i can confide with her. I told her i am different from her. She asked me twice on seperate occasion what's the difference.... and i did not reply her. I guess this is one part no one will understand. I am different from others. It goes beyond our personality, interests, wants and needs. In short the difference has nothing to do with our genetic make-up in being who we we are. Its just me and everyone in the cg. We are different. We will lead different lives. I am not certain where mine will go. I am not certain the friends that will be following me there. And possible the worst thing in this period is to hurt or lose some precious friends that i shut off deliberately. That is something i hate to do. But i realise unless i learn the value of each friend in my life ... i can't move on. The friends that i place such high esteem in are just not suitable for that level. They aren't as special as i hope they would become. It becomes hard after that. I find it hard to connect to the people i thought i knew. I tried. In army.... in cg .... to get into their lives and everything. And sometimes it gets discouraging because nobody understand i am trying. At one part i gave up and ran away from cg. It was at a pretty grim period of my life. I admit i was pretty self-centred at that time. And it is probably wiser to move on from lookin at myself to looking at God. But the fact is no one was there. No one. I still love God. I think they thought i was backsliding. I wasn't. But spiritually i wasn't doing good either. So all the things about self-esteem, confidence, mature thinking, being strong that Cheryl spoke to me about... yea they are all true. They are necessary and relevant to a certain extent.
Right now, I have to find the right circle of friends. The right ones. Not just any nice caring little friend. But one that i can connect to. I feel that sometimes i ain't myself. But i tell myself i need to be mature. I need to really find friends. Not just members. Yea i mean they can be good companions. But i want friends. I want good friends. Just like Sis Florence told me lat night. We all needs friends to hold us up sometimes in our walk. I tried to deny the need of friends many times but failed. These relationships are important. Ineed friends which holds the right values in life as Ps Robb Thompson always emphasised. Most importantly friends that love God. And friends that i know that i know will be my friends forever.
Holy spirit please help me and lead me in this. If I've done anything wrong ... convict me. I don't want to have mediocre people in my lives. I truly want to know what friends are for. and what's the meaning of the people you have place in my life. what they really are. I know that you know i do not just want activity partners ... where all we do and talk is about the activity we do. and when the interest disappears, so do they. But nonetheless .. maybe all this are just not in your will. Maybe i understand too little and act foolishly. Maybe i might lose more than i thought. But God, do show me more the meaning of relationships. Let thy will be done. Thank you lord..
Wen, i am letting you read this too now cos yr my leader and somehow i feel i need to let you know.. I know your concern about me.... I want you to know that i treasure you very much ... but there are some things i dunno how to explain properly to you ... and i don't want to say unnecessary things that hurt people around me. So i just wanna do and try...
Why am i doing this ?
What am i becoming?
I don't want to shut her off. I mean she has been a great partner when we were helpers in the past. We shared alot of our burdens together. We prayed alot together... After she left w143, i was very upset. But weeks later, i realise she is different. She tells me that i can confide with her. I told her i am different from her. She asked me twice on seperate occasion what's the difference.... and i did not reply her. I guess this is one part no one will understand. I am different from others. It goes beyond our personality, interests, wants and needs. In short the difference has nothing to do with our genetic make-up in being who we we are. Its just me and everyone in the cg. We are different. We will lead different lives. I am not certain where mine will go. I am not certain the friends that will be following me there. And possible the worst thing in this period is to hurt or lose some precious friends that i shut off deliberately. That is something i hate to do. But i realise unless i learn the value of each friend in my life ... i can't move on. The friends that i place such high esteem in are just not suitable for that level. They aren't as special as i hope they would become. It becomes hard after that. I find it hard to connect to the people i thought i knew. I tried. In army.... in cg .... to get into their lives and everything. And sometimes it gets discouraging because nobody understand i am trying. At one part i gave up and ran away from cg. It was at a pretty grim period of my life. I admit i was pretty self-centred at that time. And it is probably wiser to move on from lookin at myself to looking at God. But the fact is no one was there. No one. I still love God. I think they thought i was backsliding. I wasn't. But spiritually i wasn't doing good either. So all the things about self-esteem, confidence, mature thinking, being strong that Cheryl spoke to me about... yea they are all true. They are necessary and relevant to a certain extent.
Right now, I have to find the right circle of friends. The right ones. Not just any nice caring little friend. But one that i can connect to. I feel that sometimes i ain't myself. But i tell myself i need to be mature. I need to really find friends. Not just members. Yea i mean they can be good companions. But i want friends. I want good friends. Just like Sis Florence told me lat night. We all needs friends to hold us up sometimes in our walk. I tried to deny the need of friends many times but failed. These relationships are important. Ineed friends which holds the right values in life as Ps Robb Thompson always emphasised. Most importantly friends that love God. And friends that i know that i know will be my friends forever.
Holy spirit please help me and lead me in this. If I've done anything wrong ... convict me. I don't want to have mediocre people in my lives. I truly want to know what friends are for. and what's the meaning of the people you have place in my life. what they really are. I know that you know i do not just want activity partners ... where all we do and talk is about the activity we do. and when the interest disappears, so do they. But nonetheless .. maybe all this are just not in your will. Maybe i understand too little and act foolishly. Maybe i might lose more than i thought. But God, do show me more the meaning of relationships. Let thy will be done. Thank you lord..
Wen, i am letting you read this too now cos yr my leader and somehow i feel i need to let you know.. I know your concern about me.... I want you to know that i treasure you very much ... but there are some things i dunno how to explain properly to you ... and i don't want to say unnecessary things that hurt people around me. So i just wanna do and try...
Sunday, April 22, 2007
MSU
Just went for pm today.... and i realise our church members are in the Miss Singapore Universe (MSU).... So i went to have a look at the show..... and i come into some conclusions.
Intelligence can be sexy.
So girls might want to consider spending an equal amount of time in libaries as they spend in salons...
As the saying go ... smile a mile.
The bigger the better. You have reach your mark if your megawatt smile can light up the city district.
Chris Daughtry's song Home was sang by Jonathan Leong on that show too.. A very nice imho. The 1st time i heard Chris's song ... i thought "since when did Jon's singing got so good ?" They share a pretty similar style of singing... except Chris's voice is much more exceedingly powerful and sexy. Like the tone of his songs :)
The day went pretty well. Had some misunderstanding earlier but thank God it was resolved. I really treasure this friend of mine and i think by far ... she is the only one i can connect very well thus far. But well i have no special feelings for her. I hope she does well for her upcoming exams.
I sense the Holy Spirit often these days.... but when my eyes are darken ... i know he is hurt. So i got to make sure i yield more him than the things of this world. He is precious. Kathryn Kulman cried over this precious friend in her services. Benny Hinn listens intently and obediently everytime he speaks. And it is hard to catch him if you are always moving around ... busy with all the agendas in life. I don't want to miss him again. I want to fall in love with him again. Holy Spirt if you read blogs.... please really ever don't leave me again. I'm sorry that i abandon you last time. Love you holy spirit.
Intelligence can be sexy.
So girls might want to consider spending an equal amount of time in libaries as they spend in salons...
As the saying go ... smile a mile.
The bigger the better. You have reach your mark if your megawatt smile can light up the city district.
Chris Daughtry's song Home was sang by Jonathan Leong on that show too.. A very nice imho. The 1st time i heard Chris's song ... i thought "since when did Jon's singing got so good ?" They share a pretty similar style of singing... except Chris's voice is much more exceedingly powerful and sexy. Like the tone of his songs :)
The day went pretty well. Had some misunderstanding earlier but thank God it was resolved. I really treasure this friend of mine and i think by far ... she is the only one i can connect very well thus far. But well i have no special feelings for her. I hope she does well for her upcoming exams.
I sense the Holy Spirit often these days.... but when my eyes are darken ... i know he is hurt. So i got to make sure i yield more him than the things of this world. He is precious. Kathryn Kulman cried over this precious friend in her services. Benny Hinn listens intently and obediently everytime he speaks. And it is hard to catch him if you are always moving around ... busy with all the agendas in life. I don't want to miss him again. I want to fall in love with him again. Holy Spirt if you read blogs.... please really ever don't leave me again. I'm sorry that i abandon you last time. Love you holy spirit.
Electricity!!
i got to bath just 15 mins ago.. quite exhausted so i shall rant very very fast.
I just realise today how important electricity is. I mean its like a neglected, overlooked force in our everyday lives but in a urban city like Singapore, how many people are able to survive without electricity? Technically speaking, of course we can! But we will miss all its splendor and goodness if it is missing. Caveman lives are sure not fun to experience.
That's how i felt waiting 2 hours ago, waiting for the electrical current to flow again back again to power my appliances. I don't want to bath without the heat. Or sleep in my stuffy room without my trusty-o-fan. The ugly truth is is that i am really quite dependent on all my electrical appliances to meet my needs (or wants if you prefer to call it). It brings to think the world before electricity was born. Things are done probably in a more hectic way back then. I mean they don't get air-con. Don't talk about even smsing or computer games. But even more interestingly, i feel it relates to a life without the power of God in it. I remembered Ps Benny illustrated once in his book " Good Morning Holy Spirit" - on how the Holy Spirit is liken to electricity. He says if i was to be asked by someone to on the lights. 3 forces will be involved. 1st will be the person who issues the command - relates to the Father. 2nd would be the person performing the command obediently - relates to the son Jesus. And 3rd would be the power that brings the light. That's the Holy Spirit! That's it!! The holy spirit is soo that essential in our Christian walk too!
There can be little things that i can do with my 2 bare hands. With my own strength alone, i will not be able to accomplish much in my given life span. But with the power of he Holy Ghost, i am sure i will be able to achieve more far-reaching effects. For with God, all things are possible. Without Him, its like losing one of your most trusted firend.
Holy Spirit please guide me more. I know sometimes the affairs of this world might drown your voice in my heart. But Lord, i want to hear you more. I want to know and to know and to know the validty of your goodness in my life. Please do something earth-shaking in my life that i can bring about a great testimony of your power and love to the people around. I am willing to follow you God. Thank you Holy Spirit.
I just realise today how important electricity is. I mean its like a neglected, overlooked force in our everyday lives but in a urban city like Singapore, how many people are able to survive without electricity? Technically speaking, of course we can! But we will miss all its splendor and goodness if it is missing. Caveman lives are sure not fun to experience.
That's how i felt waiting 2 hours ago, waiting for the electrical current to flow again back again to power my appliances. I don't want to bath without the heat. Or sleep in my stuffy room without my trusty-o-fan. The ugly truth is is that i am really quite dependent on all my electrical appliances to meet my needs (or wants if you prefer to call it). It brings to think the world before electricity was born. Things are done probably in a more hectic way back then. I mean they don't get air-con. Don't talk about even smsing or computer games. But even more interestingly, i feel it relates to a life without the power of God in it. I remembered Ps Benny illustrated once in his book " Good Morning Holy Spirit" - on how the Holy Spirit is liken to electricity. He says if i was to be asked by someone to on the lights. 3 forces will be involved. 1st will be the person who issues the command - relates to the Father. 2nd would be the person performing the command obediently - relates to the son Jesus. And 3rd would be the power that brings the light. That's the Holy Spirit! That's it!! The holy spirit is soo that essential in our Christian walk too!
There can be little things that i can do with my 2 bare hands. With my own strength alone, i will not be able to accomplish much in my given life span. But with the power of he Holy Ghost, i am sure i will be able to achieve more far-reaching effects. For with God, all things are possible. Without Him, its like losing one of your most trusted firend.
Holy Spirit please guide me more. I know sometimes the affairs of this world might drown your voice in my heart. But Lord, i want to hear you more. I want to know and to know and to know the validty of your goodness in my life. Please do something earth-shaking in my life that i can bring about a great testimony of your power and love to the people around. I am willing to follow you God. Thank you Holy Spirit.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
PDL 5 - God's Lens.
I'm quite tired now -_-. Woke up early to do some work and before i know it ... i will be going out soon. Really have to pray for strength since i will be ushering again after a long while. I will be a normal usher again this time. I do hope i am able to relate back to my fellow ushers again. Holy spirit please guide me...
Today's PDL is quite good. It talks about viewing life from God's perspective. The way we see our lives shape our lives. Rick mentions about how we see our life and our understanding of our life.
I will come home later to blog more :) i need to prepare myself for my day later sooooooo ..... i shall think about it more later.
I am back home from church!! Survived the blackout and now i shall continue......
Before pondering about the PDL message, i want to share about today.
Ushering was pretty good today. Though i tend to forget some little details during my ushering ... i thank God that he is able to help me flow and really usher into people to the zone. It wasn't easy since i had quite abit of sore throat and can't yell too loud. I think the Holy spirit really helped me alot as i usher today. I manage to fufill my role pretty well today. I did share alittle to my Section IC about what happened to me the past few weeks too. She encourage me to find that special friend(s) that i can connect personally to b'cos as humans we need support. I hope i find them soon.
Fellowship with the new w143 wasn't very fruitful on my part. Many people asked me why i was so quiet or why i look so sad. And sometimes i just simply reply i have nothing to say... or i will say the right things at the right time. I wonder if it's ok.. I know the importance of fellowship and the different communication level to build up our relationships... but somehow, i am not keen to talk to my friends in w143 anymore. I mean if it's just one memeber or so .... i feel alittle more at ease to talk freely. But together in the big group.... i don't know. i can't talk to them. And somehow i also do not want to try any more. I do wonder if i can ever connect with them again. It feels different this time. Maybe i am getting old on them. Maybe i am a lousy communicator. But enough negativity.... i shall try. I don't want to upset them but sometimes i feel its best that i am not with them. To me, its kinda hard to talk to anyone in church anymore. But nevertheless, i will try.
In PDL 5, Rick brings us into the attention of our real deal on earth. Rick gets me to ponder about my life metaphor - the image of what i make life to be. I have never thought of such funny things before... hmm maybe when i was still a kid? and this according to him determines my expectations, my values, my relationships, my goals and priorities. I would like to think of life as a long long jouney of a small windy paths to a big big castle. and there will be storms, winds, and of course many other easier paths with many different interesting people in each paths. Kind of like a fairy tale story if you ask me. As a kid, i like to imagine myself in alot of such stories (with all the bad guys inside. It is childish in a sense... but i feel most creative in that period. Its like the sky is the limit. Now these dreams can be so easily smashed by the hard truths in reality. But the worthy persistent ones might birth something new .. :)
ok enough of my rambling... Rick cuts in straight with some hard truths. In Romans 12:2, we are asked to be renewed in our minds to have heavenly standards. And not the earthly ones. And in this life, God is actually putting all of us into a test. Life is a test (1st biblical metaphor) of our character, faith, obedience, steadfastness through the trials and tribulations. It certainly did not went quite well with me. In fact there are times in the journey which i point my finger to God in anger and fustration over what's happening in my life. I couldn't make sense of it. I don't want to go through it. I think it is crazy to follow through when many people around me have much happier lives that they embrace. And then bitterness enter my life. There will be times God 'shook' me up. There will be times God just remain silent (as He did to King Hezekiah 2 Chr 32:31). Ms Elaine, my current temporary CGL said that God gives 3 possible responses to our prayers ... Yes, No or wait. And her experience tells her that He will only appear at the right time ... at the point where she really needs him in her life. That is the point where she will knows that it is God that makes it possible. I didn't know about that... i mean i know he works at the right time. But at the crucial point.... It does make alittle sense.
Rick wants me to know that when i really understand this truth, i will know that every little single event has impact in my life. Everyday is important and every moment can be a unseen opportunity. In every test, God will ensure that His grace is sufficient. I still struggle to live that out in my life. I need to get closer to God.
Life on earth is also a trust. (the 2nd biblical metaphor). A trust of responsibilities. I know that God has made us all stewards of this world. Ever since the time of Adam and Eve, we are expected to govern and manage the things of this world. 1 Cor 4:2 (NCV) has a striking point. It says those who are trusted with something valuable must show that they are worthy of that trust. I suddenly realise an important truth. How many of us think it is a priveledge to born in Singapore in this generation ? Firstly, we experience peace here. 50 years ago, Singapore was still a war-torn country. And even today, there are still nations struggling with uncertainity and apprehension of what tomorrow may bring. Isn't it good that we have no such worries here? Second, we are a prosperous nation! We have good edu system, good (and highly paid) government, a good military and police force within our country.... etc.. We have such luxuries even in such a small nation. Thridly, we are free to practise our faith. I remembered those tearing Chinese people who have to pay a price for believing in God. They have to pay a price for their faith. The persecution around them can be very discouraging. But they are really fervant lovers of God. Teens live with suicidal thoughts. Adults worrying about the future... and as chrisitans here, we have the peace of God and the ease to spread the gospel. Entrusted with all this goodness... i realise we are expected to these blessings to the unchurched and unsaved around us. And this luxuries are not there forever. We are expected to manage and treasure our assets well. and one dat Matt 25:21 will come to past. Well done good and faithful servant ..... ...
We can share our Master's joy.
point to ponder: Life is a test and trust.
Luke 16:10a (NLT) "Unless you are faith in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones."
Today's PDL is quite good. It talks about viewing life from God's perspective. The way we see our lives shape our lives. Rick mentions about how we see our life and our understanding of our life.
I will come home later to blog more :) i need to prepare myself for my day later sooooooo ..... i shall think about it more later.
I am back home from church!! Survived the blackout and now i shall continue......
Before pondering about the PDL message, i want to share about today.
Ushering was pretty good today. Though i tend to forget some little details during my ushering ... i thank God that he is able to help me flow and really usher into people to the zone. It wasn't easy since i had quite abit of sore throat and can't yell too loud. I think the Holy spirit really helped me alot as i usher today. I manage to fufill my role pretty well today. I did share alittle to my Section IC about what happened to me the past few weeks too. She encourage me to find that special friend(s) that i can connect personally to b'cos as humans we need support. I hope i find them soon.
Fellowship with the new w143 wasn't very fruitful on my part. Many people asked me why i was so quiet or why i look so sad. And sometimes i just simply reply i have nothing to say... or i will say the right things at the right time. I wonder if it's ok.. I know the importance of fellowship and the different communication level to build up our relationships... but somehow, i am not keen to talk to my friends in w143 anymore. I mean if it's just one memeber or so .... i feel alittle more at ease to talk freely. But together in the big group.... i don't know. i can't talk to them. And somehow i also do not want to try any more. I do wonder if i can ever connect with them again. It feels different this time. Maybe i am getting old on them. Maybe i am a lousy communicator. But enough negativity.... i shall try. I don't want to upset them but sometimes i feel its best that i am not with them. To me, its kinda hard to talk to anyone in church anymore. But nevertheless, i will try.
In PDL 5, Rick brings us into the attention of our real deal on earth. Rick gets me to ponder about my life metaphor - the image of what i make life to be. I have never thought of such funny things before... hmm maybe when i was still a kid? and this according to him determines my expectations, my values, my relationships, my goals and priorities. I would like to think of life as a long long jouney of a small windy paths to a big big castle. and there will be storms, winds, and of course many other easier paths with many different interesting people in each paths. Kind of like a fairy tale story if you ask me. As a kid, i like to imagine myself in alot of such stories (with all the bad guys inside. It is childish in a sense... but i feel most creative in that period. Its like the sky is the limit. Now these dreams can be so easily smashed by the hard truths in reality. But the worthy persistent ones might birth something new .. :)
ok enough of my rambling... Rick cuts in straight with some hard truths. In Romans 12:2, we are asked to be renewed in our minds to have heavenly standards. And not the earthly ones. And in this life, God is actually putting all of us into a test. Life is a test (1st biblical metaphor) of our character, faith, obedience, steadfastness through the trials and tribulations. It certainly did not went quite well with me. In fact there are times in the journey which i point my finger to God in anger and fustration over what's happening in my life. I couldn't make sense of it. I don't want to go through it. I think it is crazy to follow through when many people around me have much happier lives that they embrace. And then bitterness enter my life. There will be times God 'shook' me up. There will be times God just remain silent (as He did to King Hezekiah 2 Chr 32:31). Ms Elaine, my current temporary CGL said that God gives 3 possible responses to our prayers ... Yes, No or wait. And her experience tells her that He will only appear at the right time ... at the point where she really needs him in her life. That is the point where she will knows that it is God that makes it possible. I didn't know about that... i mean i know he works at the right time. But at the crucial point.... It does make alittle sense.
Rick wants me to know that when i really understand this truth, i will know that every little single event has impact in my life. Everyday is important and every moment can be a unseen opportunity. In every test, God will ensure that His grace is sufficient. I still struggle to live that out in my life. I need to get closer to God.
Life on earth is also a trust. (the 2nd biblical metaphor). A trust of responsibilities. I know that God has made us all stewards of this world. Ever since the time of Adam and Eve, we are expected to govern and manage the things of this world. 1 Cor 4:2 (NCV) has a striking point. It says those who are trusted with something valuable must show that they are worthy of that trust. I suddenly realise an important truth. How many of us think it is a priveledge to born in Singapore in this generation ? Firstly, we experience peace here. 50 years ago, Singapore was still a war-torn country. And even today, there are still nations struggling with uncertainity and apprehension of what tomorrow may bring. Isn't it good that we have no such worries here? Second, we are a prosperous nation! We have good edu system, good (and highly paid) government, a good military and police force within our country.... etc.. We have such luxuries even in such a small nation. Thridly, we are free to practise our faith. I remembered those tearing Chinese people who have to pay a price for believing in God. They have to pay a price for their faith. The persecution around them can be very discouraging. But they are really fervant lovers of God. Teens live with suicidal thoughts. Adults worrying about the future... and as chrisitans here, we have the peace of God and the ease to spread the gospel. Entrusted with all this goodness... i realise we are expected to these blessings to the unchurched and unsaved around us. And this luxuries are not there forever. We are expected to manage and treasure our assets well. and one dat Matt 25:21 will come to past. Well done good and faithful servant ..... ...
We can share our Master's joy.
point to ponder: Life is a test and trust.
Luke 16:10a (NLT) "Unless you are faith in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones."
Friday, April 20, 2007
PDL 4 - Eternity.
Point to ponder : There is more to life than just here and now.
1 John 2:17 (NLT) This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever.
Another entry for PDL. I need to be more consistent in the things i commit to do. I spend alot of my time this week playing games, watching shows ... and hardly any time in reading the word of God or praying. I mean i did pray but on some days .... my prayers are like nothing .... really like routine. I will put other things 1st ... like having fun etc.. before settling my heart down for God. Really bad for a mature believer.
This does have certain consequence in my spiritual walk... i mean i just had a great meeting with Ps Benny Hinn last week and i am still very hungry for spiritual blessing. But i think i gave it up too easily to seek the worldly entertainment 1st and putting God behind it. As a result, this week's pretty horrible week. I lack the peace of God ... and i had more temptations to do the things i shouldn't do. Today's cg and prayer before cg came as a wake-up call for me to start living right again and not for the things of this world.
And this relates to the chapter of Eternity in Rick's PDL book. I was initially uneasy after reading this chapter. I can't remember why but i think i was too burdened by the cares of this world. Rick mentions that it's time to switch our mind to think of the long-term. Not just life in this world but life after death. We are made to be eternal beings afterall. In yesterday's AFV BS, Mr. Jeremy talk about Lucifer's rebellion that has lead to the chaotic world we have now. It is all because of pride and rebellion. It was a mind-renewing message because it really goes into the issue of my will versus God's will. And this has a great impact in our eternity.
I know I am blessed to be able to be born into Singapore and know City Harvesters and some other good friends outside. Though now i still struggle to find the right friends on earth which i long to have. Friends that i can really connect to. But even if i find it hard to socialise sometimes, i am happy that Jesus actually sent the Holy Spirit to commune with us. He is a gentle but mighty spirit. He never leads us unless we allow him to... and i am thankful God gave me someone that i can relate to on this earth. But i haven't been spending much time with him. In fact, i think i really shortchange this friend of mine that everyone calls precious. I want to go back to that secret place tonight to commune with him later.
Life in eternity.... i really wonder what it is like in eternity. Pastor Kong shared that we will be doing very much of what we are called to do on earth .... that is to worship and work in whatever area we are called in, in the kingdom of God. Jesus says in eternity, we will be like the angels in heaven (Mk 12:25) . Rick wants us to know that there is more to this life... and the closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears. I know its true. It feels terrible to live a worldly life. To spend less time with the presence of God and the peace that comes with it can be fustrating. That is why David says i will dwell in the house of God forever and ever. We are made for God and his kingdom's purposes.
I must live my life today more meaningfully. Enough said for tonight.
Thank God for making me the way i am. I want to know you more Lord.... Just like you revealed the word to Ps Benny, please reveal it to me again. I know that people around me are being promoted and are prospering while i am still struggling with my own problems .... and i still find it hard to commune with the people which i once highly regard as my friends. But lord, i know everything that you have done has a reason... and probably it is to bring silence into my life. To silence away the things that do not hold eternal value and bring my attention back to you. If it's so oh Lord, please teach me to bre more obedient to your word and will. Lord please forgive me of my sins and help me to cultivate good habits to pray and work for success. Holy spirit please do not leave me ever again. Thank you lord and all glory and honour to you. Amen.
1 John 2:17 (NLT) This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever.
Another entry for PDL. I need to be more consistent in the things i commit to do. I spend alot of my time this week playing games, watching shows ... and hardly any time in reading the word of God or praying. I mean i did pray but on some days .... my prayers are like nothing .... really like routine. I will put other things 1st ... like having fun etc.. before settling my heart down for God. Really bad for a mature believer.
This does have certain consequence in my spiritual walk... i mean i just had a great meeting with Ps Benny Hinn last week and i am still very hungry for spiritual blessing. But i think i gave it up too easily to seek the worldly entertainment 1st and putting God behind it. As a result, this week's pretty horrible week. I lack the peace of God ... and i had more temptations to do the things i shouldn't do. Today's cg and prayer before cg came as a wake-up call for me to start living right again and not for the things of this world.
And this relates to the chapter of Eternity in Rick's PDL book. I was initially uneasy after reading this chapter. I can't remember why but i think i was too burdened by the cares of this world. Rick mentions that it's time to switch our mind to think of the long-term. Not just life in this world but life after death. We are made to be eternal beings afterall. In yesterday's AFV BS, Mr. Jeremy talk about Lucifer's rebellion that has lead to the chaotic world we have now. It is all because of pride and rebellion. It was a mind-renewing message because it really goes into the issue of my will versus God's will. And this has a great impact in our eternity.
I know I am blessed to be able to be born into Singapore and know City Harvesters and some other good friends outside. Though now i still struggle to find the right friends on earth which i long to have. Friends that i can really connect to. But even if i find it hard to socialise sometimes, i am happy that Jesus actually sent the Holy Spirit to commune with us. He is a gentle but mighty spirit. He never leads us unless we allow him to... and i am thankful God gave me someone that i can relate to on this earth. But i haven't been spending much time with him. In fact, i think i really shortchange this friend of mine that everyone calls precious. I want to go back to that secret place tonight to commune with him later.
Life in eternity.... i really wonder what it is like in eternity. Pastor Kong shared that we will be doing very much of what we are called to do on earth .... that is to worship and work in whatever area we are called in, in the kingdom of God. Jesus says in eternity, we will be like the angels in heaven (Mk 12:25) . Rick wants us to know that there is more to this life... and the closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears. I know its true. It feels terrible to live a worldly life. To spend less time with the presence of God and the peace that comes with it can be fustrating. That is why David says i will dwell in the house of God forever and ever. We are made for God and his kingdom's purposes.
I must live my life today more meaningfully. Enough said for tonight.
Thank God for making me the way i am. I want to know you more Lord.... Just like you revealed the word to Ps Benny, please reveal it to me again. I know that people around me are being promoted and are prospering while i am still struggling with my own problems .... and i still find it hard to commune with the people which i once highly regard as my friends. But lord, i know everything that you have done has a reason... and probably it is to bring silence into my life. To silence away the things that do not hold eternal value and bring my attention back to you. If it's so oh Lord, please teach me to bre more obedient to your word and will. Lord please forgive me of my sins and help me to cultivate good habits to pray and work for success. Holy spirit please do not leave me ever again. Thank you lord and all glory and honour to you. Amen.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
We move again...
[ mood : ]
Cheryl had a conference call today to tell us we will be under another cgl again. Well it is cool in a certain sense since we get to meet new people. She assure us she is a very powerful and annointed leader ... who is like Pastor's very own right hand woman. She is successful both in her career and her spiritual walk.... and she will soon be a mother-to-be :).
Well, years ago i use to struggle with the fact that as i change cg ... i will lose contact with people i hang about most ... but then again that is life. You social circle changes constantly ... but only a selected few will remain inside as your close ones.
As i thought about it ... i suddenly remembered about the past few weeks ...and i think i understand a little of what's in my mind now. And probably a good thing too since this helps me better plan my steps in life. In the past few weeks , i struggled alot with myself. And my leaders kept on telling me that i am 21 and i need to be mature. My true value lies in God. I must have confidence in myself. That's good because that is all true..... But i never ever shared with them about my struggle with relationships .... probably because i am already quite shutdown to people around me. i think i really am.
One thing about relationship is that there has to be communication and ... well of course love. Tough love or not ... but there must be a minimal treshold amount of care and flow. I don't think that is evident since communication is alittle hard for me and the youths in the cg due to the age gap. Nevertheless i perservered on ... but somehow i don't think my voice fit in any discussion. It's quite depressing.
Sigh ... i think i should bury the past but thinking about this .... if after all this years .... this are the kind of friends that i had .... i guess i need either to do a character makeover ... or change a large part of my social circle. As i get into a new cg... i do hope i make some good friends there.
Change is the only constant in life.
Cheryl had a conference call today to tell us we will be under another cgl again. Well it is cool in a certain sense since we get to meet new people. She assure us she is a very powerful and annointed leader ... who is like Pastor's very own right hand woman. She is successful both in her career and her spiritual walk.... and she will soon be a mother-to-be :).
Well, years ago i use to struggle with the fact that as i change cg ... i will lose contact with people i hang about most ... but then again that is life. You social circle changes constantly ... but only a selected few will remain inside as your close ones.
As i thought about it ... i suddenly remembered about the past few weeks ...and i think i understand a little of what's in my mind now. And probably a good thing too since this helps me better plan my steps in life. In the past few weeks , i struggled alot with myself. And my leaders kept on telling me that i am 21 and i need to be mature. My true value lies in God. I must have confidence in myself. That's good because that is all true..... But i never ever shared with them about my struggle with relationships .... probably because i am already quite shutdown to people around me. i think i really am.
One thing about relationship is that there has to be communication and ... well of course love. Tough love or not ... but there must be a minimal treshold amount of care and flow. I don't think that is evident since communication is alittle hard for me and the youths in the cg due to the age gap. Nevertheless i perservered on ... but somehow i don't think my voice fit in any discussion. It's quite depressing.
Sigh ... i think i should bury the past but thinking about this .... if after all this years .... this are the kind of friends that i had .... i guess i need either to do a character makeover ... or change a large part of my social circle. As i get into a new cg... i do hope i make some good friends there.
Change is the only constant in life.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
The Annointing ....
[ mood : ]
alright .. i cant do my PDL update today (or actually yesterday - Fri ) cos its quite late and i need to do something really important later. But i wanna blog this memory down cos i just had an extraodinary experience.
I just went for the first Benny Hinn's Healing Crusade in SIS.... and i was really blown away from the experience. All the early queueing .... all the waiting .... it was all worth it. I never felt such presence for so long ... i feel like God was just next to me today.
Actually, i have many things to say prior to the healing and the flow of the presence in the stadium. JJ, Joel, Yuwei ( i think that's what's his name) and me were queuein at the North entrance since about 3 pm. Well the amazing thing is there wasn't anyone queueing there!!! :) Praise the Lord ... and JJ arrived first there to 'chope' (reserve) the place. Then we had a picnic there and played some games to kill some time. Eventually the door opened around 5.45 pm and we rushed into the hall to get seats.
After settlin down, we had to ans nature's call :) . So JJ, Joel and me went to the toilet at the South entrance side (where the choir is sitted). At that point, the chior was rehersing and as we walk past ... i told JJ there was a difference in the atmosphere here. JJ also agreed and Joel said there was like static electricity in the air. That really pumped us up!
I rememebered 2 years ago .... i had a real wonderful time as we worship and fellowship with the spirit .... it was phenomenal! ( think i posted some entries back then in March 2005) I had my first Holy Laughter then and that was the most unforgetable meetings i had that year... Last year, Ps Benny prayed for the choir on the first night and *bam* the whole choir fell under the power of God! I remembered how envious i was that night .... cos 2 of my friends Qi and Joel (classmate) had such great impartation. :) Well this year ... even though Ps Benny did not lay hands on us .... i felt a flow of presence of God in me tonight!!
Over the last 2 years ... i had a strange feeling on my hands (electricity) after the faithful meetings on 2003. But tonight it was really different .... the intensity was really strong and its like electricity bursting out of my hands. Then my whole body began to tremble and i just fell on my knees and worship. It was the first time i felt this strong electricity in my hands ... and at that point of time ... i really did not know what to do. I remembered i kept crying Jesus..... it was a humbling experience for me personally.
Thinking about this ... i felt quite ashame of all that doubts that i cast on God. I mean He has done so much and i just kept running away in fear and shame. I really thought i could never connect with God again but He proves me wrong time and again. He still cherishes me as who i am .... and He showed me tonight again.
Ps Benny said something tonight that really shook me .... I mean if you came tonight ... He really imparted alot of wisdom to us. He prophesied one thing tonight that reminded me of the lesson i learnt today over PDL 4. That our time here is short ... it is like a small parenthesis in eternity. And life can past away so quickly... It seems like yesterday i entered army with a new haircut. It seems like yesterday i played catching with my friends back in primary school. Rick mentioned that we have to live today like it is our last... not that we have to be apprehensive and worried about death in the future... but to live out life the best way we can as if tomorrow we will be brought back to heaven. and welll sayin this much ... what did Ps Benny said tonight ?
He told us we are all living in the end times.... and the signs are already here. The children of Israel are already calling out for ther Messiah... That's the sign of the opening of the doors back to the children of Israiel and the closing of the doors to the gentile world. This fact i am not really sure about it but i will want to check it out on the bible... But i do believe one thing. That we are all living in the end times, where the 2nd coming of our Messiah will be soon. That really means we got very little time to waste!! If it is true ... alot of things might happen in the near future and i need to make sure i am ready to be used in whatever way i am called for during this time.
The next thing he shared really amazed me.... its about financial prosperity. He shared that 2 of his friends gave heartily to God and they end up bankrupt. One of the family gave a huge amount to their church building fund and the next thing they know .. they have to declare bankrupt. The 2nd friend gave $40 million to the synagogue and then he too ended up bankrupt and his company crippled. Ps Benny had no explanation of that until the Lord spoke to him. And then he said that the 2 people gave to their church. And the thing that was amiss was that they did not give to God. Now this part is really deep. How can giving to church be not a part of giving to God ? Frankly i don't really understand this now ... but i have a hint of the point he is trying to raise. I think Ps is trying to tell us that the 2 people gave to building projects ... they gave to the church .. but they did not give to God. And i think its very much close to what i learnt about serving. Remember Mary and Martha ? Martha did a great job serving people. I mean look at her ... she's busy ... hands everywhere, legs everywhere and she really makes the place hospitable for Jesus. But Mary just said and fellowship with Jesus. The point i can draw from these 2 examples simply is that we ultimately have to do it upon to the Lord. If we are too focus on building projects ... missionary work ... or even for funds to plant new schools and help the poor, we miss out the whole picture about giving. The bible says lend to the Lord, and God will give back to you . When it comes to offering .. it is to God!! Everything else ... every other plans are secondary... and when i think about that i kinda shock me. Because in my priority list now .. it was always 1) Tithe, 2) fulfill Building pledge quickly, 3) Give offering with what available cash i have. And when i give these days ... i give very much in fear. Cos i need to pay my own bills .. transport fee ... etc etc and fulfill my building fund. I am struggling with my finances now. And after Ps Benny spoke ... i see it quite differently now. I see that he can provide if we really trust in Him. No matter the projects and plans we embark as a church... if we give unto Him .. He will prosper us.
This is really a step of faith for me.
Well he shared another fact about salvation that we never see it as a church before too. Then the full package of Salvation = Healing + Eternal Life + Grace that breaks bondages. This is the full deal. And very much if we say we accept Christ and we do not accept that we can be healed ... it is unbiblical. Ps Benny shared many verses that whenever Jesus goes ... He preach the gospel and He Heals! It's not 'or'. Its and ! Matt 4:24-25. Matt 5:1-10. Matt 9:35. Matt 14:14-21. Matt 12: 13-14. I recorded all the verses :D . And it really astounds me because i never knew it was possible. I mean i learnt that healing does not take place all the time and some people might take awhile to be healed. Some people will not be healed at all. I mean i always thought it wasn't a 100% thing ... but if you have faith and believe and confess .. it will be possible (if God allows that is ... because He is soverign). Ps Benny shared something that we possibly all forgot. That the cross is made up of 2 sides. The front side is the side he stood to bear all our sins in front of God. This is important as it deals with our eternal life. The 2nd side ... is the side he bears our iniquities. By His stripes .. we are healed! So the gospel message is a proclamation of healing as well!
ahh... brain-overload.
i will read up more about this soon!
end of thoughts. I'm coming back on Saturday and Sunday.
It's going to be good!
Thank you Jesus for showing me once again your mercy and grace. I want to live my life purposefully by your will. Though i struggle time to time with fear and inadequacy ... i will make sure i move out of this mindset then and now. It will be my stumbling block no more. Jesus i thank you for your revelations tonight. I pray more people will be healed. And that i will be healed from my Arthritis!! Thank you God. All glory to you alone.. amen.
alright .. i cant do my PDL update today (or actually yesterday - Fri ) cos its quite late and i need to do something really important later. But i wanna blog this memory down cos i just had an extraodinary experience.
I just went for the first Benny Hinn's Healing Crusade in SIS.... and i was really blown away from the experience. All the early queueing .... all the waiting .... it was all worth it. I never felt such presence for so long ... i feel like God was just next to me today.
Actually, i have many things to say prior to the healing and the flow of the presence in the stadium. JJ, Joel, Yuwei ( i think that's what's his name) and me were queuein at the North entrance since about 3 pm. Well the amazing thing is there wasn't anyone queueing there!!! :) Praise the Lord ... and JJ arrived first there to 'chope' (reserve) the place. Then we had a picnic there and played some games to kill some time. Eventually the door opened around 5.45 pm and we rushed into the hall to get seats.
After settlin down, we had to ans nature's call :) . So JJ, Joel and me went to the toilet at the South entrance side (where the choir is sitted). At that point, the chior was rehersing and as we walk past ... i told JJ there was a difference in the atmosphere here. JJ also agreed and Joel said there was like static electricity in the air. That really pumped us up!
I rememebered 2 years ago .... i had a real wonderful time as we worship and fellowship with the spirit .... it was phenomenal! ( think i posted some entries back then in March 2005) I had my first Holy Laughter then and that was the most unforgetable meetings i had that year... Last year, Ps Benny prayed for the choir on the first night and *bam* the whole choir fell under the power of God! I remembered how envious i was that night .... cos 2 of my friends Qi and Joel (classmate) had such great impartation. :) Well this year ... even though Ps Benny did not lay hands on us .... i felt a flow of presence of God in me tonight!!
Over the last 2 years ... i had a strange feeling on my hands (electricity) after the faithful meetings on 2003. But tonight it was really different .... the intensity was really strong and its like electricity bursting out of my hands. Then my whole body began to tremble and i just fell on my knees and worship. It was the first time i felt this strong electricity in my hands ... and at that point of time ... i really did not know what to do. I remembered i kept crying Jesus..... it was a humbling experience for me personally.
Thinking about this ... i felt quite ashame of all that doubts that i cast on God. I mean He has done so much and i just kept running away in fear and shame. I really thought i could never connect with God again but He proves me wrong time and again. He still cherishes me as who i am .... and He showed me tonight again.
Ps Benny said something tonight that really shook me .... I mean if you came tonight ... He really imparted alot of wisdom to us. He prophesied one thing tonight that reminded me of the lesson i learnt today over PDL 4. That our time here is short ... it is like a small parenthesis in eternity. And life can past away so quickly... It seems like yesterday i entered army with a new haircut. It seems like yesterday i played catching with my friends back in primary school. Rick mentioned that we have to live today like it is our last... not that we have to be apprehensive and worried about death in the future... but to live out life the best way we can as if tomorrow we will be brought back to heaven. and welll sayin this much ... what did Ps Benny said tonight ?
He told us we are all living in the end times.... and the signs are already here. The children of Israel are already calling out for ther Messiah... That's the sign of the opening of the doors back to the children of Israiel and the closing of the doors to the gentile world. This fact i am not really sure about it but i will want to check it out on the bible... But i do believe one thing. That we are all living in the end times, where the 2nd coming of our Messiah will be soon. That really means we got very little time to waste!! If it is true ... alot of things might happen in the near future and i need to make sure i am ready to be used in whatever way i am called for during this time.
The next thing he shared really amazed me.... its about financial prosperity. He shared that 2 of his friends gave heartily to God and they end up bankrupt. One of the family gave a huge amount to their church building fund and the next thing they know .. they have to declare bankrupt. The 2nd friend gave $40 million to the synagogue and then he too ended up bankrupt and his company crippled. Ps Benny had no explanation of that until the Lord spoke to him. And then he said that the 2 people gave to their church. And the thing that was amiss was that they did not give to God. Now this part is really deep. How can giving to church be not a part of giving to God ? Frankly i don't really understand this now ... but i have a hint of the point he is trying to raise. I think Ps is trying to tell us that the 2 people gave to building projects ... they gave to the church .. but they did not give to God. And i think its very much close to what i learnt about serving. Remember Mary and Martha ? Martha did a great job serving people. I mean look at her ... she's busy ... hands everywhere, legs everywhere and she really makes the place hospitable for Jesus. But Mary just said and fellowship with Jesus. The point i can draw from these 2 examples simply is that we ultimately have to do it upon to the Lord. If we are too focus on building projects ... missionary work ... or even for funds to plant new schools and help the poor, we miss out the whole picture about giving. The bible says lend to the Lord, and God will give back to you . When it comes to offering .. it is to God!! Everything else ... every other plans are secondary... and when i think about that i kinda shock me. Because in my priority list now .. it was always 1) Tithe, 2) fulfill Building pledge quickly, 3) Give offering with what available cash i have. And when i give these days ... i give very much in fear. Cos i need to pay my own bills .. transport fee ... etc etc and fulfill my building fund. I am struggling with my finances now. And after Ps Benny spoke ... i see it quite differently now. I see that he can provide if we really trust in Him. No matter the projects and plans we embark as a church... if we give unto Him .. He will prosper us.
This is really a step of faith for me.
Well he shared another fact about salvation that we never see it as a church before too. Then the full package of Salvation = Healing + Eternal Life + Grace that breaks bondages. This is the full deal. And very much if we say we accept Christ and we do not accept that we can be healed ... it is unbiblical. Ps Benny shared many verses that whenever Jesus goes ... He preach the gospel and He Heals! It's not 'or'. Its and ! Matt 4:24-25. Matt 5:1-10. Matt 9:35. Matt 14:14-21. Matt 12: 13-14. I recorded all the verses :D . And it really astounds me because i never knew it was possible. I mean i learnt that healing does not take place all the time and some people might take awhile to be healed. Some people will not be healed at all. I mean i always thought it wasn't a 100% thing ... but if you have faith and believe and confess .. it will be possible (if God allows that is ... because He is soverign). Ps Benny shared something that we possibly all forgot. That the cross is made up of 2 sides. The front side is the side he stood to bear all our sins in front of God. This is important as it deals with our eternal life. The 2nd side ... is the side he bears our iniquities. By His stripes .. we are healed! So the gospel message is a proclamation of healing as well!
ahh... brain-overload.
i will read up more about this soon!
end of thoughts. I'm coming back on Saturday and Sunday.
It's going to be good!
Thank you Jesus for showing me once again your mercy and grace. I want to live my life purposefully by your will. Though i struggle time to time with fear and inadequacy ... i will make sure i move out of this mindset then and now. It will be my stumbling block no more. Jesus i thank you for your revelations tonight. I pray more people will be healed. And that i will be healed from my Arthritis!! Thank you God. All glory to you alone.. amen.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
PDL 3 - The Drive.
[ mood : 
]
Isaiah 26:3 (TEV) You, Lord give perfect purpose to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.
In this episode, Rick examines various 'drives' in a person's life. There can be many possible drives in a person's life. They can be motivated by circumstances ... eg: a child living in poverty may aspire to be a rich, wealthy man. Or they can be inspired from people around them. Or it can simply be drive from their emotions. Nevertheless, any idea, passion or belief can motivate people and push them in a given direction. Most dictionary defines "drive" as to guide, propell, to control or direct.
Rick starts to mention the 5 most common drives in our lives.
1) Many people are driven by guilt.
They spend their entire lives running from regrets or hiding their shame. These people according to Rick are tormented by their past memories. We might be products of the past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. God is a God who loves to give fresh starts for these people. He turned Moses a murderer to the leader and a coward Gideon into a Hero.
2) Many people are driven by resentment and anger.
These are people who never get over their hurts. They bear unforgiveness and resentment in their very being. Often they are either internalise and kept in a secret portion of their heart or they explode on everything that's around them all the time. I do understand this because i once bore this for many years until i understand that it hurts me more than anyone. Rick mentions that those in the past cannot continue to hurt me now unless i hold on to the pain through resentment. It's better to let it go and forgive than to keep it in our hearts every moment. Of course it is easier said than done. Sometimes the problem persists .. especially if its from a relationship from a someone close. But even so, i learnt that the best way to recover from these setbacks is to learn to love despite the situation. At least that alleviates the pain.
3) Many people are driven by materialism.
People who are driven to acquire, to have more. Well not just because they like it. But most of the time with the view that more means merry. But, having more possessions does not necessary make you happy. Because the value of an object can be easily replaced by a newer, sleeker or somewhat better item. And it goes on and on ... somehow we'll never be satisfied. Money can never buy happiness. But learning to appreciate life, and the things that truly matter most probably will. God and people ... these are things i treasure.
4) Many people are driven by the need of approval.
Its a need. Kids yearn for acceptance and approval. When they become adolesences, their need simply shifts from their parents to the people they call friends. And even as adults, they still look for approval time to time from their friends, colleagues, family and superiors. Though it should be much lesser i think. It is necessary. But my friends always tell me that it is not people around that we ultimately need acceptance from. Because the favour in the eyes of people constantly changes. Even celebrities ... people who are well endowed with fame and respect receives different level of support through their career all the time. I guess its easy for me to say all this ... but somehow, i still struggle with acceptance among people. I somehow feel (especially lately) that i don't fit in the crowd ... or the friends i always hang out with in church anymore. Its like i'm from a totally different planet .. and i'm not used to their presence. weird i know.
But even so, even as i try my best to get along ... i have to keep telling myself that its not what they say about me that matters. My worth shall only be dependent on one voice out there .. that's Jesus.
5) Many people are driven by fear.
Fear may have many root causes. Sadly, it often robs a person from venturing into dreams or purpose. Rick says Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. It is quite terrible to always live in fear. But i know in other parts of the world out there .. people live like this all the time because of their circumstances and culture.. (i.e. war, extreme poverty..). I really thank God i do not face such problems here. But even so, fear can still be a problem to many people in our society.
Now how about a purpose driven life?
Well Rick presented many benefits and it is almost like a cure to most of our problems in life.
Knowing our purpose :
~ brings meaning into our lives.
I guess if you think about it .. it kinds of makes sense. Its the purpose that adds meaning into your life. Rick expresses that without God, life can never be purposeful. It reminds me of what Ps Mark Conner says ... that our Christian walk is like driving a car. Jesus shouldn't be left in the backseat to watch us drive. And he remarks some people leaves Jesus in the boot and let him out only on the weekends. So they become weekend saints and everything but a saint on weekdays. All this doesn't work because we can't going to go anywhere on our own without the right direction in our life! Jesus constantly seeks God during his earthly ministry to know his purpose and direction of his life. And now that through Christ we are redeemed, the best way is to let him take the steering wheel and let him direct our lives. It is a journey that we have to drive this together.
And probably that's where my life is running now. Its quite sad but in my valleys these weeks, everything but God and His love drives me. I stubbornly seek many things to fill that void in my life ... and unconsciously... i'm driven by guilt, the need of approval and fear (as identified above). Rick explains that without God, life has no purpose. And without purpose - no meaning. And there's when hopelessness and despair manifest in our lives. Even our ancestors of faith struggled with this too. Isaiah complained, "I have laboured to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing." (Isaiah 49:4). Hope is essential just like air and water. We need hope to cope. And where does my hope comes from? It comes from the Lord my God. I sometimes can't see it this way. In my mind it argues .. it's just words in the bible. What's the goodness in that ? But i know better than that. In the eyes of the world .. its just plain words. But i need to see it with the eyes of faith! Jesus says, " those who have ears ... let them hear!" as he speaks the parable to the people of His time. Why of course the people have ears to hear! But only those with the heart that embraces these words can truly understand.
So let this be a lesson to me. Jer 29:11 is a promise of hope. Eph 3:20 is a promise of God's limitless power in our lives. Even thought right now a part of me doubts my breakthrough .. i will believe that He is able to deliver me to my destiny.
~ simplifies our lives
makes pretty much sense too. If you know what you need to do and should do in this life.... you will save alot of time to do less of other stuffs. I long to know my purpose in God so that i can do less unnecessary work in my life and more for my purpose. I don't think that means i will get less failures ... ( a part of me still afraids of failing.. i mean nobody likes failing. ) but i shall dwell less on that and more on my purpose. If i really really know (let say) i'm called to be a missionary and worship leader, i wouldn't mind all the objections by my family, the financial problems ... etc that i meet. Because i know its my calling! It brings peace and less trying. I don't need to try because i know i am doing God's will. His grace will be there to support me.
~ focuses your life
Rick talks more about the action part for my life. He mentions we can busy our lives away but live a life with little or no productivity. activity =/= productivity. Focus on the other hand makes our life really potent. Apostle Paul made a huge impact to the Roman empire because he kept a focus life. Phil 3:13 I am focusing my energy on this one thing : Forgeting what's past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Cheryl has just spoke to me about being focus and to put all negativity aside. And the more practical way she advise is to hang notes of encouragement and empowerment in my mirror. Since the only mirror i have is the communal mirror at home, i think i will paste it on my computer screen which i often use. Focus on His word. His promises. He has given me a spirit of love, peace and a sound mind! I want to bear these fruits!
~ motivates your life
One thing that i lack a great deal probably is motivation. And i can't rely on others to bring that to me definitely. I remember Ps Kong shared about the difference between a vocation and a job. And the key difference in it is passion! Passion i think is one of the very key source of motivation. As exemplified in the book. A life of purpose is a life of passion. But since i still do not really know my purpose yet ... i can only count on the word of God and the Holy Spirit to ignite the passion in my life. That means only one thing. Pray and fast more!
~ prepares you for eternity.
Rick says this thing. You weren't put on this world to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for eternity. Well it is kind of true. We rememeber legends like Elvis Presley, Bruce Lee, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Albet Einstein .. etc. They are all people who have made their mark. Written their names in the hallmark of their forte. It is great to be like them. But their lives did really make a difference in their generation. Someday they might be forgotten in the future. I think the greatness is not just in the things they do, it's the way that they live their lives that shapes our world today.
Personally saying all these, i don't like to speculate on the lives of people. But i do want to be like them in a certain way. They have devoted their lives to their passion with their gifts. And if you read alittle extracts of their life .. they do have their personal struggles and all. But they really breakthrough... i mean unlike me ... they really breakthrough. And i really want that. There will be times i will be tired and i don't want to move on. But as Cheryl mentioned, this process drains my strength and my time.
Rick says at the end, the bible indicated that God will ask us two question when we meet him. 1) What did you do with my son Jesus Christ? No matter your belief systems or religion ... he wants to know if we trust Him. If we truly made him the only way, truth and life.
Next he will ask 2) What did you do with what i gave you?
I can answer qn 1 but qn 2 .... i need to know the ans myself.
Saying all this isn't going to change who i am.
I want God and His purpose to be the driving force in my life.
and my action plan is as follow.
1) Develop the disciplines in my life.
a) Celebrate.
Celebrate his goodness. and enjoy the blessings (whatever may be) he place in my lives.
b) Pray.
It is going to be difficult. But i will set let say everyday 11pm to be my Quiet time. If it goes well, i will make morning 7 am by prayer time too.
c) Read God's Word.
I am reading the tabernacle now and it is really hard to understand -__-. I shall perservere to read the word of God!
d) Fellowship.
It hones my character. Sometimes people can poke me on the wrong side. Recently i think i couldn't connect with cg mates and church frens well. But i will perservere to at least talk alittle with them. Maybe find out more from the mature ones about jobs out there so that i can plan my academic path better.)
e) Serving.
I step down as an usher for awhile. Not sure if i can ever be back. But i guess i can still serve leaders and people around me through simple acts of kindness :)
f) Solitude.
ahhhh my favourite thing to do. But then again, i know i can't stick to myself all the time. Balance well Jason. This is an important thing to do when i do QT.
g) Silence.
Ecc 3:7, a time to be quiet. ahhh another thing i am good at! okok i need to speak more too so... be silent when i do qt or when i spend time in a place with good ambience ... Listen more too.
h) Fasting.
I just learnt that fasting is not limited to food. I just did a 2 day fast for computer games. And i ended up with alot alot more free time :)
i) Sacrifice.
God honours sacrifice ... because it shows the extent of our love. I can ermmm sacrifice more of my game + watching show time for more on reading God's words or other books of faith.
j) Secrecy.
I just open this blog to my leaders. and this is not good in a sense because they will know the good things i will do. Sounds alittle funny but Ps Mark said that we need to do less activity that seeks the approval of others ... and more things in the secret. Mt 6:1-6. God honours things that are done in the secret! So i guess maybe i can do more good things .. so much that i cannot remember to blog and thus, i will still have some that God knows and people do not know. :D
points adapted from Growing as a Christian - Ps Mark Conner's sun svc 2007.
2) Make plans.
Cheryl said i'm 21 and i need to be more mature in thinking. She says she feels weird saying this to me since she is younger ... but it goes likewise for me. I don't like to hear this honestly. But i know it is the truth. No matter what ... it reflects who i am now. Being that unstable myself ... i need to grow stronger and be bolder (which she explains as being quicker to bounce back from our valleys). This is going to take alot of work ... but i know it can be done. I mean i am afraid to say that i will definitely breakthrough sometimes because i am scared i will fall the next instant. But i need to try again and not bow down to the fear before me. If the devil is going to make it hard for me ... then i will make sure he shall by no means succeed in getting me down. No weapon form against me shall prosper!!
I will breakthrough (With plans!!!)
The next entry i think i will make more detailed plans of what i should do. But i am going to think this through first.
ok its late and i shall do qt.
end of day 3 thoughts.
]Isaiah 26:3 (TEV) You, Lord give perfect purpose to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.
In this episode, Rick examines various 'drives' in a person's life. There can be many possible drives in a person's life. They can be motivated by circumstances ... eg: a child living in poverty may aspire to be a rich, wealthy man. Or they can be inspired from people around them. Or it can simply be drive from their emotions. Nevertheless, any idea, passion or belief can motivate people and push them in a given direction. Most dictionary defines "drive" as to guide, propell, to control or direct.
Rick starts to mention the 5 most common drives in our lives.
1) Many people are driven by guilt.
They spend their entire lives running from regrets or hiding their shame. These people according to Rick are tormented by their past memories. We might be products of the past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. God is a God who loves to give fresh starts for these people. He turned Moses a murderer to the leader and a coward Gideon into a Hero.
2) Many people are driven by resentment and anger.
These are people who never get over their hurts. They bear unforgiveness and resentment in their very being. Often they are either internalise and kept in a secret portion of their heart or they explode on everything that's around them all the time. I do understand this because i once bore this for many years until i understand that it hurts me more than anyone. Rick mentions that those in the past cannot continue to hurt me now unless i hold on to the pain through resentment. It's better to let it go and forgive than to keep it in our hearts every moment. Of course it is easier said than done. Sometimes the problem persists .. especially if its from a relationship from a someone close. But even so, i learnt that the best way to recover from these setbacks is to learn to love despite the situation. At least that alleviates the pain.
3) Many people are driven by materialism.
People who are driven to acquire, to have more. Well not just because they like it. But most of the time with the view that more means merry. But, having more possessions does not necessary make you happy. Because the value of an object can be easily replaced by a newer, sleeker or somewhat better item. And it goes on and on ... somehow we'll never be satisfied. Money can never buy happiness. But learning to appreciate life, and the things that truly matter most probably will. God and people ... these are things i treasure.
4) Many people are driven by the need of approval.
Its a need. Kids yearn for acceptance and approval. When they become adolesences, their need simply shifts from their parents to the people they call friends. And even as adults, they still look for approval time to time from their friends, colleagues, family and superiors. Though it should be much lesser i think. It is necessary. But my friends always tell me that it is not people around that we ultimately need acceptance from. Because the favour in the eyes of people constantly changes. Even celebrities ... people who are well endowed with fame and respect receives different level of support through their career all the time. I guess its easy for me to say all this ... but somehow, i still struggle with acceptance among people. I somehow feel (especially lately) that i don't fit in the crowd ... or the friends i always hang out with in church anymore. Its like i'm from a totally different planet .. and i'm not used to their presence. weird i know.
But even so, even as i try my best to get along ... i have to keep telling myself that its not what they say about me that matters. My worth shall only be dependent on one voice out there .. that's Jesus.
5) Many people are driven by fear.
Fear may have many root causes. Sadly, it often robs a person from venturing into dreams or purpose. Rick says Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. It is quite terrible to always live in fear. But i know in other parts of the world out there .. people live like this all the time because of their circumstances and culture.. (i.e. war, extreme poverty..). I really thank God i do not face such problems here. But even so, fear can still be a problem to many people in our society.
Now how about a purpose driven life?
Well Rick presented many benefits and it is almost like a cure to most of our problems in life.
Knowing our purpose :
~ brings meaning into our lives.
I guess if you think about it .. it kinds of makes sense. Its the purpose that adds meaning into your life. Rick expresses that without God, life can never be purposeful. It reminds me of what Ps Mark Conner says ... that our Christian walk is like driving a car. Jesus shouldn't be left in the backseat to watch us drive. And he remarks some people leaves Jesus in the boot and let him out only on the weekends. So they become weekend saints and everything but a saint on weekdays. All this doesn't work because we can't going to go anywhere on our own without the right direction in our life! Jesus constantly seeks God during his earthly ministry to know his purpose and direction of his life. And now that through Christ we are redeemed, the best way is to let him take the steering wheel and let him direct our lives. It is a journey that we have to drive this together.
And probably that's where my life is running now. Its quite sad but in my valleys these weeks, everything but God and His love drives me. I stubbornly seek many things to fill that void in my life ... and unconsciously... i'm driven by guilt, the need of approval and fear (as identified above). Rick explains that without God, life has no purpose. And without purpose - no meaning. And there's when hopelessness and despair manifest in our lives. Even our ancestors of faith struggled with this too. Isaiah complained, "I have laboured to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing." (Isaiah 49:4). Hope is essential just like air and water. We need hope to cope. And where does my hope comes from? It comes from the Lord my God. I sometimes can't see it this way. In my mind it argues .. it's just words in the bible. What's the goodness in that ? But i know better than that. In the eyes of the world .. its just plain words. But i need to see it with the eyes of faith! Jesus says, " those who have ears ... let them hear!" as he speaks the parable to the people of His time. Why of course the people have ears to hear! But only those with the heart that embraces these words can truly understand.
So let this be a lesson to me. Jer 29:11 is a promise of hope. Eph 3:20 is a promise of God's limitless power in our lives. Even thought right now a part of me doubts my breakthrough .. i will believe that He is able to deliver me to my destiny.
~ simplifies our lives
makes pretty much sense too. If you know what you need to do and should do in this life.... you will save alot of time to do less of other stuffs. I long to know my purpose in God so that i can do less unnecessary work in my life and more for my purpose. I don't think that means i will get less failures ... ( a part of me still afraids of failing.. i mean nobody likes failing. ) but i shall dwell less on that and more on my purpose. If i really really know (let say) i'm called to be a missionary and worship leader, i wouldn't mind all the objections by my family, the financial problems ... etc that i meet. Because i know its my calling! It brings peace and less trying. I don't need to try because i know i am doing God's will. His grace will be there to support me.
~ focuses your life
Rick talks more about the action part for my life. He mentions we can busy our lives away but live a life with little or no productivity. activity =/= productivity. Focus on the other hand makes our life really potent. Apostle Paul made a huge impact to the Roman empire because he kept a focus life. Phil 3:13 I am focusing my energy on this one thing : Forgeting what's past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Cheryl has just spoke to me about being focus and to put all negativity aside. And the more practical way she advise is to hang notes of encouragement and empowerment in my mirror. Since the only mirror i have is the communal mirror at home, i think i will paste it on my computer screen which i often use. Focus on His word. His promises. He has given me a spirit of love, peace and a sound mind! I want to bear these fruits!
~ motivates your life
One thing that i lack a great deal probably is motivation. And i can't rely on others to bring that to me definitely. I remember Ps Kong shared about the difference between a vocation and a job. And the key difference in it is passion! Passion i think is one of the very key source of motivation. As exemplified in the book. A life of purpose is a life of passion. But since i still do not really know my purpose yet ... i can only count on the word of God and the Holy Spirit to ignite the passion in my life. That means only one thing. Pray and fast more!
~ prepares you for eternity.
Rick says this thing. You weren't put on this world to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for eternity. Well it is kind of true. We rememeber legends like Elvis Presley, Bruce Lee, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Albet Einstein .. etc. They are all people who have made their mark. Written their names in the hallmark of their forte. It is great to be like them. But their lives did really make a difference in their generation. Someday they might be forgotten in the future. I think the greatness is not just in the things they do, it's the way that they live their lives that shapes our world today.
Personally saying all these, i don't like to speculate on the lives of people. But i do want to be like them in a certain way. They have devoted their lives to their passion with their gifts. And if you read alittle extracts of their life .. they do have their personal struggles and all. But they really breakthrough... i mean unlike me ... they really breakthrough. And i really want that. There will be times i will be tired and i don't want to move on. But as Cheryl mentioned, this process drains my strength and my time.
Rick says at the end, the bible indicated that God will ask us two question when we meet him. 1) What did you do with my son Jesus Christ? No matter your belief systems or religion ... he wants to know if we trust Him. If we truly made him the only way, truth and life.
Next he will ask 2) What did you do with what i gave you?
I can answer qn 1 but qn 2 .... i need to know the ans myself.
Saying all this isn't going to change who i am.
I want God and His purpose to be the driving force in my life.
and my action plan is as follow.
1) Develop the disciplines in my life.
a) Celebrate.
Celebrate his goodness. and enjoy the blessings (whatever may be) he place in my lives.
b) Pray.
It is going to be difficult. But i will set let say everyday 11pm to be my Quiet time. If it goes well, i will make morning 7 am by prayer time too.
c) Read God's Word.
I am reading the tabernacle now and it is really hard to understand -__-. I shall perservere to read the word of God!
d) Fellowship.
It hones my character. Sometimes people can poke me on the wrong side. Recently i think i couldn't connect with cg mates and church frens well. But i will perservere to at least talk alittle with them. Maybe find out more from the mature ones about jobs out there so that i can plan my academic path better.)
e) Serving.
I step down as an usher for awhile. Not sure if i can ever be back. But i guess i can still serve leaders and people around me through simple acts of kindness :)
f) Solitude.
ahhhh my favourite thing to do. But then again, i know i can't stick to myself all the time. Balance well Jason. This is an important thing to do when i do QT.
g) Silence.
Ecc 3:7, a time to be quiet. ahhh another thing i am good at! okok i need to speak more too so... be silent when i do qt or when i spend time in a place with good ambience ... Listen more too.
h) Fasting.
I just learnt that fasting is not limited to food. I just did a 2 day fast for computer games. And i ended up with alot alot more free time :)
i) Sacrifice.
God honours sacrifice ... because it shows the extent of our love. I can ermmm sacrifice more of my game + watching show time for more on reading God's words or other books of faith.
j) Secrecy.
I just open this blog to my leaders. and this is not good in a sense because they will know the good things i will do. Sounds alittle funny but Ps Mark said that we need to do less activity that seeks the approval of others ... and more things in the secret. Mt 6:1-6. God honours things that are done in the secret! So i guess maybe i can do more good things .. so much that i cannot remember to blog and thus, i will still have some that God knows and people do not know. :D
points adapted from Growing as a Christian - Ps Mark Conner's sun svc 2007.
2) Make plans.
Cheryl said i'm 21 and i need to be more mature in thinking. She says she feels weird saying this to me since she is younger ... but it goes likewise for me. I don't like to hear this honestly. But i know it is the truth. No matter what ... it reflects who i am now. Being that unstable myself ... i need to grow stronger and be bolder (which she explains as being quicker to bounce back from our valleys). This is going to take alot of work ... but i know it can be done. I mean i am afraid to say that i will definitely breakthrough sometimes because i am scared i will fall the next instant. But i need to try again and not bow down to the fear before me. If the devil is going to make it hard for me ... then i will make sure he shall by no means succeed in getting me down. No weapon form against me shall prosper!!
I will breakthrough (With plans!!!)
The next entry i think i will make more detailed plans of what i should do. But i am going to think this through first.
ok its late and i shall do qt.
end of day 3 thoughts.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Little Brandon
[ mood : 
]
Well there will be no PDL entry today. Maybe i'll do two tmr.
But today's a pretty good day. Except that i feel quite dirty...
I have a kid .... a tuition kid to be exact and he is Brandon.
He loves ninja turtle alot. and teaching him sometimes makes me want to jump off the window of his apartment.
Well sometimes, i got to give and take. I let him do alittle of what he wants.... and then i have to steer him back to his books. Quite a tedious thing to do.
Nevertheless, i still love kids. He has a cute sister too. And they look very happy to me. Even when they quarrel.
Brandon is smart ... and i guess smarter than me than when i was a kid. or maybe i am just too good a teacher :). Either way i hope he does exceedingly well under my care.
Its good to teach! But i need more income... i cant cut my expences and save forever...
I need a breakthrough!
]Well there will be no PDL entry today. Maybe i'll do two tmr.
But today's a pretty good day. Except that i feel quite dirty...
I have a kid .... a tuition kid to be exact and he is Brandon.
He loves ninja turtle alot. and teaching him sometimes makes me want to jump off the window of his apartment.
Well sometimes, i got to give and take. I let him do alittle of what he wants.... and then i have to steer him back to his books. Quite a tedious thing to do.
Nevertheless, i still love kids. He has a cute sister too. And they look very happy to me. Even when they quarrel.
Brandon is smart ... and i guess smarter than me than when i was a kid. or maybe i am just too good a teacher :). Either way i hope he does exceedingly well under my care.
Its good to teach! But i need more income... i cant cut my expences and save forever...
I need a breakthrough!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
PDL 2 - I'm no accident.
[ mood : ]
Day 2 - You're not here by accident.
Isaiah 44:2 I am Your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.
God doesn't play dice - Albet Einstein.
No one's here by chance. That was our school motto back at my College days. I wasn't created by accident. Or so much i would like to believe that way. I mean look at the world.... it speaks otherwise. We have parents that forsake their kids. We have kids born differently and suffer under the eyes of criticism of others. Kids born in warzone. In poverty and uncertainity. Something that i know my human eyes and wisdom cannot fathom. I don't understand God. And just as Ps Sy puts it once .... " How can you God allow your precious creation to fall that way ? " Have you no mercy or love for these people?
How much can we say or stand for them? It's easy to say all these words and put the blame on God. But i know better not to. Ps Sy mentioned before that Faith is trusting God when the world gives you reasons not to. On what basis do i trust God? The best evidence has to be His love. and its still something i am still struggling with. Without love, i think life has no purpose at all. It will be too much an ugly world.
Ps Kong shared about our pre-existence in God's mind before the world was made. Before the foundations of Earth was laid, God was 'pregnant' with the thoughts and plans of our lives. Our every detail, down to the very molecular and cellular level was pre-determined. Ps 139:15 says He knows me inside and out, every bone in my body, and how i was made. every bit of it. I was sculpted from nothing into something. (paraphrased from Msg translation) And i do believe so He did.
But well, since young i have hated myself. I have despised my very existence ... feeling i was meaningless. It's quite a sad thought for a child.. being pessimistic and all. I don't understand alot of things when i'm young. And i grew up quietly keeping everything to myself. Its especially hard to open up when no one has time to listen to your simple distress. There will be days i long to run away from home. and days i will just cry buckets and feel suicidal. The only thing stopping me then was my fear of heights and probably the pain i will get from a suicide attempt. It sounds kind of crazy. Mom says this is all a mockery to God. And it wasn't true because God loves me. I know it is true. But there can still be days i really doubt God. Doubt everything about Him. His character and existence.
We don't live by feelings alone but more of in His truth. And his truth is said to set you free. (John 8:22). I often wonder how powerful is that statement ? What exactly does the truth set me from ? The bondages from the devil? The lies and deceits? The oppression ? The worldly life? I need to know more.
I still struggle alot with my self-image. Every part of me. Even after years as a Christian, or more accurately speaking after 3 years as a born-again Christian.. a part of me still feels inferior, or lowly about myself. I will still have tendency to feel fearful to speak to others. I really don't know why. Probably more of the devil's work. I still remember how much i want to enjoy the days of my life ... especially as i pursue excellence and my purpose and dreams. Its all hard to live that out. Or even jus praise God in our dark times. i remembered that sacrifice of praise now. That is what it's called. I knelt down and cried before God, giving him praise even though i never felt like it.
Maybe its time to do that again.
God thank you for making me.
You are soverign in every way and righteous and Holy.
It's not mine to judge your goodness.
Nor mine responsibility to evaluate the extent of your love.
For you are love. You said you love. and then it is shown on the cross.
I could probably never understand the rationale of your works.
But i know you are my God, my Father and love.
And i love you Jesus.
All glory and praise to you Lord.
for all that you've done and will do.
Hallelujah!
end of day 2.
]Day 2 - You're not here by accident.
Isaiah 44:2 I am Your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.
God doesn't play dice - Albet Einstein.
No one's here by chance. That was our school motto back at my College days. I wasn't created by accident. Or so much i would like to believe that way. I mean look at the world.... it speaks otherwise. We have parents that forsake their kids. We have kids born differently and suffer under the eyes of criticism of others. Kids born in warzone. In poverty and uncertainity. Something that i know my human eyes and wisdom cannot fathom. I don't understand God. And just as Ps Sy puts it once .... " How can you God allow your precious creation to fall that way ? " Have you no mercy or love for these people?
How much can we say or stand for them? It's easy to say all these words and put the blame on God. But i know better not to. Ps Sy mentioned before that Faith is trusting God when the world gives you reasons not to. On what basis do i trust God? The best evidence has to be His love. and its still something i am still struggling with. Without love, i think life has no purpose at all. It will be too much an ugly world.
Ps Kong shared about our pre-existence in God's mind before the world was made. Before the foundations of Earth was laid, God was 'pregnant' with the thoughts and plans of our lives. Our every detail, down to the very molecular and cellular level was pre-determined. Ps 139:15 says He knows me inside and out, every bone in my body, and how i was made. every bit of it. I was sculpted from nothing into something. (paraphrased from Msg translation) And i do believe so He did.
But well, since young i have hated myself. I have despised my very existence ... feeling i was meaningless. It's quite a sad thought for a child.. being pessimistic and all. I don't understand alot of things when i'm young. And i grew up quietly keeping everything to myself. Its especially hard to open up when no one has time to listen to your simple distress. There will be days i long to run away from home. and days i will just cry buckets and feel suicidal. The only thing stopping me then was my fear of heights and probably the pain i will get from a suicide attempt. It sounds kind of crazy. Mom says this is all a mockery to God. And it wasn't true because God loves me. I know it is true. But there can still be days i really doubt God. Doubt everything about Him. His character and existence.
We don't live by feelings alone but more of in His truth. And his truth is said to set you free. (John 8:22). I often wonder how powerful is that statement ? What exactly does the truth set me from ? The bondages from the devil? The lies and deceits? The oppression ? The worldly life? I need to know more.
I still struggle alot with my self-image. Every part of me. Even after years as a Christian, or more accurately speaking after 3 years as a born-again Christian.. a part of me still feels inferior, or lowly about myself. I will still have tendency to feel fearful to speak to others. I really don't know why. Probably more of the devil's work. I still remember how much i want to enjoy the days of my life ... especially as i pursue excellence and my purpose and dreams. Its all hard to live that out. Or even jus praise God in our dark times. i remembered that sacrifice of praise now. That is what it's called. I knelt down and cried before God, giving him praise even though i never felt like it.
Maybe its time to do that again.
God thank you for making me.
You are soverign in every way and righteous and Holy.
It's not mine to judge your goodness.
Nor mine responsibility to evaluate the extent of your love.
For you are love. You said you love. and then it is shown on the cross.
I could probably never understand the rationale of your works.
But i know you are my God, my Father and love.
And i love you Jesus.
All glory and praise to you Lord.
for all that you've done and will do.
Hallelujah!
end of day 2.
wad's wrong.
[ mood : 
]
I am quite confuse and sad now. My granny asked me again today about what i wanna do. I really don't know. The way she says .... it fustrates me. and a part of me ... i don't know is still shut down i think. I am afraid to tell her what i want to do. It's her nature to nag.... to reprimand me to do the things she wants me to do. She will nag about almost everything ... from sleeping late ... to my academics. to me going out too often. Well i know. I know her intentions are good. But somehow it puts me off real bad. I don't know why but i find it hard to converse with her. Maybe it's her nagging ? Maybe is her selfish desires or her uncaring attitude to me in the past? I really don't know. But whenever people ask me about what i want to do ... i cringe. What can i do ? What should i do? What's the next best move ? I don't know..... i really don't know. i am just afraid...
i saw wen today unexpectedly in the National Library @ bugis. I don't really feel like fellowshipping with her but well, i know i got to start building up the discipline of fellowshipping despite my uneasiness.
It was drizzling and wen is feeling cold. So we departed from the library and we went to bugis Junction to chat before wen meets up kun. Wen asked much about me and prod alittle into my life. I guess she knows pretty much about what's happening in me without me telling her. Well she told me i can always look for her to chat and share the problem.
i am lost again. i dunno how to share. i dunno hw to. i am scared of them ... or am i not? i dunno.
something's wrong wif me. urgh.
]I am quite confuse and sad now. My granny asked me again today about what i wanna do. I really don't know. The way she says .... it fustrates me. and a part of me ... i don't know is still shut down i think. I am afraid to tell her what i want to do. It's her nature to nag.... to reprimand me to do the things she wants me to do. She will nag about almost everything ... from sleeping late ... to my academics. to me going out too often. Well i know. I know her intentions are good. But somehow it puts me off real bad. I don't know why but i find it hard to converse with her. Maybe it's her nagging ? Maybe is her selfish desires or her uncaring attitude to me in the past? I really don't know. But whenever people ask me about what i want to do ... i cringe. What can i do ? What should i do? What's the next best move ? I don't know..... i really don't know. i am just afraid...
i saw wen today unexpectedly in the National Library @ bugis. I don't really feel like fellowshipping with her but well, i know i got to start building up the discipline of fellowshipping despite my uneasiness.
It was drizzling and wen is feeling cold. So we departed from the library and we went to bugis Junction to chat before wen meets up kun. Wen asked much about me and prod alittle into my life. I guess she knows pretty much about what's happening in me without me telling her. Well she told me i can always look for her to chat and share the problem.
i am lost again. i dunno how to share. i dunno hw to. i am scared of them ... or am i not? i dunno.
something's wrong wif me. urgh.
Monday, April 09, 2007
PDL 1 - Not me but God.
[ mood : ]
I have just purchased Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. (PDL in short.) Seeing how much it's on demand.. i read one or two chapters in it once before i gave it away to a friend as a birthday gift. Turns out it is a simple but yet thought provoking book. A book that i very needed.
Well in its intro - it encourages me to engage with the book ... and to write my daily reflections of the chapter in a diary.
So it starts today. Day 1 in discovering my purpose with God.
Part One - What on Earth Am I Here For.
Day 1 - It all Starts with God
Col 1:16 For everything, absolutely everything above and below, visible and invisible, ... Everything got started with him and finds its purpose in Him.
As the title speaks for itself, it starts with God. Many famous atheist around the world has agreed that there is no doubt a God out there. Explanations of why and so can still be controversial and therefore widely disputed. There comes many times in the my walk with God where my mind challenges about the validity of God's words. Sometimes i am unconvinced of the sources that makes up the bible. Sure i have heard about from professionals - archaeologists on how they judge they validate the authenticity and the history of its source. I have learnt before from books on how archaelogists have support the bible source as a reliable genuine source because it has been cross-confirmed by different cultures in great numbers. If i never remember wrongly, there are more than 10,000 sources of letters or evidence (in the written form - manuscripts) that confirms the history of the events stated. That sort of evidence are even greater than the evidences recovered for past histories of Alexandria the Great and the Roman empire. However, there are still people (see Laughing Jesus by Freke,Peter Gandy) who challenges these evidences. They propose a different idea of the gospel and the history of the people in the past (with probably their own set of evidence). One thing i know is that in all this confusion, a definite evidence still remains from the word of God. The bible is a living book that speaks for itself! I remember the revelations that it has given me day by day as i read it. They speak to my circumstances and provide me with great insights and wisdom. So despite my doubts (which well can be cleared through my thorough research), i still believe in the word of God.
Ii sort of deviate from the topic of this chapter. Rick has emphasised clearly that our life doesn't revolve around ourselves. around me. And as much as self-help books proclaim (in many of the bookstores), the answer for our life's purpose can only be found in God. The manufacturer of our human race. Many of my friends have said to me recently, " Jason your true value is in God. Not by anything else". Only the eyes of God knows my true worth that comes with my purpose. As much as i want to believe that, it is hard to digest that in a world booming with various media that breeds a self centred world. The glamorous and the famous all seems so nice and accepted. Truly, it does makes me feel neglected sometimes when friends are able to connect so well with each other. Or more certainly, i am just missing something. Probably, unless i know my true purpose in life, i will never find my place ... or be in peace with myself in this world. I love to help people. That's part of my motivation to be a doctor. I (used to) love to sing and worship. But it is quite different now. I love to explore the unknown. But i do not know if i am driven enough to be a good jounalist. I have a slight curiousity about Banks and finance management. But yet i am quite lazy to find out more. Me in a nutshell.
But no, perhaps this books points in the right direction. Many self-help books point in the direction of self-motivaiton. Self-exploration. Self-confidence. Self-hard work. But purpose .... ? has it to do totally with me myself? Is there such thing as self-purpose? What kind of person would that be?
As i write this, i think its worthy to explore the option of God in the equation. My soul will be ever dissatisfied until my purpose is met.
In spite of all the advertising around me, i can remind myself that i truly am an artwork made by God. Dad and mom, has constantly told me that i need to paint my own life on my canvas sheet.. together with God. When he is out of the picture, it becomes an awful mess. Kind of like kids playing with paint and brush and not getting anywhere. It can be fun for awhile but that fun never last. I guess the more practical way is to read the bible, pray and follow the disciplines. It ain't going to be easy. But to find that purpose, a small price has to be paid.
End of day 1 thoughts. time for me to pray.
Thank you Jesus.
]I have just purchased Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. (PDL in short.) Seeing how much it's on demand.. i read one or two chapters in it once before i gave it away to a friend as a birthday gift. Turns out it is a simple but yet thought provoking book. A book that i very needed.
Well in its intro - it encourages me to engage with the book ... and to write my daily reflections of the chapter in a diary.
So it starts today. Day 1 in discovering my purpose with God.
Part One - What on Earth Am I Here For.
Day 1 - It all Starts with God
Col 1:16 For everything, absolutely everything above and below, visible and invisible, ... Everything got started with him and finds its purpose in Him.
As the title speaks for itself, it starts with God. Many famous atheist around the world has agreed that there is no doubt a God out there. Explanations of why and so can still be controversial and therefore widely disputed. There comes many times in the my walk with God where my mind challenges about the validity of God's words. Sometimes i am unconvinced of the sources that makes up the bible. Sure i have heard about from professionals - archaeologists on how they judge they validate the authenticity and the history of its source. I have learnt before from books on how archaelogists have support the bible source as a reliable genuine source because it has been cross-confirmed by different cultures in great numbers. If i never remember wrongly, there are more than 10,000 sources of letters or evidence (in the written form - manuscripts) that confirms the history of the events stated. That sort of evidence are even greater than the evidences recovered for past histories of Alexandria the Great and the Roman empire. However, there are still people (see Laughing Jesus by Freke,Peter Gandy) who challenges these evidences. They propose a different idea of the gospel and the history of the people in the past (with probably their own set of evidence). One thing i know is that in all this confusion, a definite evidence still remains from the word of God. The bible is a living book that speaks for itself! I remember the revelations that it has given me day by day as i read it. They speak to my circumstances and provide me with great insights and wisdom. So despite my doubts (which well can be cleared through my thorough research), i still believe in the word of God.
Ii sort of deviate from the topic of this chapter. Rick has emphasised clearly that our life doesn't revolve around ourselves. around me. And as much as self-help books proclaim (in many of the bookstores), the answer for our life's purpose can only be found in God. The manufacturer of our human race. Many of my friends have said to me recently, " Jason your true value is in God. Not by anything else". Only the eyes of God knows my true worth that comes with my purpose. As much as i want to believe that, it is hard to digest that in a world booming with various media that breeds a self centred world. The glamorous and the famous all seems so nice and accepted. Truly, it does makes me feel neglected sometimes when friends are able to connect so well with each other. Or more certainly, i am just missing something. Probably, unless i know my true purpose in life, i will never find my place ... or be in peace with myself in this world. I love to help people. That's part of my motivation to be a doctor. I (used to) love to sing and worship. But it is quite different now. I love to explore the unknown. But i do not know if i am driven enough to be a good jounalist. I have a slight curiousity about Banks and finance management. But yet i am quite lazy to find out more. Me in a nutshell.
But no, perhaps this books points in the right direction. Many self-help books point in the direction of self-motivaiton. Self-exploration. Self-confidence. Self-hard work. But purpose .... ? has it to do totally with me myself? Is there such thing as self-purpose? What kind of person would that be?
As i write this, i think its worthy to explore the option of God in the equation. My soul will be ever dissatisfied until my purpose is met.
In spite of all the advertising around me, i can remind myself that i truly am an artwork made by God. Dad and mom, has constantly told me that i need to paint my own life on my canvas sheet.. together with God. When he is out of the picture, it becomes an awful mess. Kind of like kids playing with paint and brush and not getting anywhere. It can be fun for awhile but that fun never last. I guess the more practical way is to read the bible, pray and follow the disciplines. It ain't going to be easy. But to find that purpose, a small price has to be paid.
End of day 1 thoughts. time for me to pray.
Thank you Jesus.
Reflection
[ mood : 
]
Well it is my late entries are all quite groomy lately... and well the less motivation these days leads to the lack of updates.
it is almost a month since i ORD and it sure is different feeling to be this free after 2 years in NSSC. And well i guess i need to pen down some thoughts of reflection once in a while.
Last few weeks has been alittle crazy. I can't explain it well but i move away from all de ones i care about for quite a period of time. I just want to stay alone for awhile. To think. To make sense of my life and what i should be doing in the future. And well it isn't as good as it sounds of course. I was struggling very much on the inside. and many times i doubt the revelance of having relationships and ties. I doubt on success. I doubt on my capacity. I doubt on my friends. and worst of all .. i doubt on God. I can't make sense of my continual existence here when everything seems so meaningless for a while. kinda foolish huh ?
Someday i hope to look back to see myself outgrow these mess. and i can smile back and say once and for all it's nothing. That everything happens really for a reason. Despite my fall, i am happy i found back something that was lost for what seems like eternity? ... the Peace of God. His comfort seems all so out of reach until i settle down my heart and my head.
I missed CG and service. I thought i coun't connect to any of my friends from my cell group at all. I thought i couldn't move on together with the visions of my cg. So that day i ran away and bitterness follows me wherever i go. and its so miserable. I can't go back. Perhaps I don't want to. and i don't know how to. Mom said i hurt many people in my hide. And honestly i don't want to.. I don't know how to express myself sometimes but i was getting annoyed at some point. And then fustrated. Perhaps this is all a part of me i have to deal with.
I used to tell my younger friends our teenage life are so much like the most important phase of our lives. Its where we decide how we would to be in the future. The choices are the fundamentals that stack our future. And without hope there is no future. And there i was stranded in the mess of my choices. How do i breakthrough ? How do i walk on with God ? How do i just get it all right ? I am just lost.
and so much for my past few weeks. Its now de present that i need to deal properly with. I can't go back. I have run far enough.... I miss home. So may my next reflection be something brighter.
Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."
Lord i believe.. Help my unbelief!
]Well it is my late entries are all quite groomy lately... and well the less motivation these days leads to the lack of updates.
it is almost a month since i ORD and it sure is different feeling to be this free after 2 years in NSSC. And well i guess i need to pen down some thoughts of reflection once in a while.
Last few weeks has been alittle crazy. I can't explain it well but i move away from all de ones i care about for quite a period of time. I just want to stay alone for awhile. To think. To make sense of my life and what i should be doing in the future. And well it isn't as good as it sounds of course. I was struggling very much on the inside. and many times i doubt the revelance of having relationships and ties. I doubt on success. I doubt on my capacity. I doubt on my friends. and worst of all .. i doubt on God. I can't make sense of my continual existence here when everything seems so meaningless for a while. kinda foolish huh ?
Someday i hope to look back to see myself outgrow these mess. and i can smile back and say once and for all it's nothing. That everything happens really for a reason. Despite my fall, i am happy i found back something that was lost for what seems like eternity? ... the Peace of God. His comfort seems all so out of reach until i settle down my heart and my head.
I missed CG and service. I thought i coun't connect to any of my friends from my cell group at all. I thought i couldn't move on together with the visions of my cg. So that day i ran away and bitterness follows me wherever i go. and its so miserable. I can't go back. Perhaps I don't want to. and i don't know how to. Mom said i hurt many people in my hide. And honestly i don't want to.. I don't know how to express myself sometimes but i was getting annoyed at some point. And then fustrated. Perhaps this is all a part of me i have to deal with.
I used to tell my younger friends our teenage life are so much like the most important phase of our lives. Its where we decide how we would to be in the future. The choices are the fundamentals that stack our future. And without hope there is no future. And there i was stranded in the mess of my choices. How do i breakthrough ? How do i walk on with God ? How do i just get it all right ? I am just lost.
and so much for my past few weeks. Its now de present that i need to deal properly with. I can't go back. I have run far enough.... I miss home. So may my next reflection be something brighter.
Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."
Lord i believe.. Help my unbelief!
After Easter..
[ mood : 
]
Its a day after Easter. And well i think his year's Easter was badly spent... by me of course.
I have given little appreciation to Him who has saved me .... and many times again....
Through my stubborn rebellious nature .. i ran away. But He is ever faithful. Cos that who He is.. He is the greatest person yet lived.
Thank You Jesus for everything. I am unsure of myself... but yet in all distraught ... i still remebered of the cross that beared my scarlet sins. And now i am able rest in your arms..
]Its a day after Easter. And well i think his year's Easter was badly spent... by me of course.
I have given little appreciation to Him who has saved me .... and many times again....
Through my stubborn rebellious nature .. i ran away. But He is ever faithful. Cos that who He is.. He is the greatest person yet lived.
Thank You Jesus for everything. I am unsure of myself... but yet in all distraught ... i still remebered of the cross that beared my scarlet sins. And now i am able rest in your arms..
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Contemplative.
[ mood : 
]
Its been a while since i blog. and well i did some changes to my blog address now so that the people who might happen to visit this santuary of mine will see my blog no more. i wanna make it private now.. at least for a long while. ( and ya some gundu take over my old blog address quickly... sheesh.)
friendship is fickle ... or maybe now i guess it isn't my cup of tea. it is so troublesome to think about this sometimes. it really feels like i am going thru the old motion ... of what some of my friends went thru so long ago.. that winnowing process ... and bit and pieces of fustration.
i just wanna be alone now. and on my own now. i do not need anybody... or depend on anyone.
]Its been a while since i blog. and well i did some changes to my blog address now so that the people who might happen to visit this santuary of mine will see my blog no more. i wanna make it private now.. at least for a long while. ( and ya some gundu take over my old blog address quickly... sheesh.)
friendship is fickle ... or maybe now i guess it isn't my cup of tea. it is so troublesome to think about this sometimes. it really feels like i am going thru the old motion ... of what some of my friends went thru so long ago.. that winnowing process ... and bit and pieces of fustration.
i just wanna be alone now. and on my own now. i do not need anybody... or depend on anyone.
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