It's blogging time .. and yes i know i should be spending my time digging my books and going thru' TYS but hey, there is something really special today that i really wanna share. A feeling i have again since Emerge Conference. If you happen to read my blog, I should say that you got to read this. Not to just know my life, but know about some-things in life. Things that reputation, money and even plain proclamation of your faith can't buy.

Well like me start of by saying how my day went. Well yesterday night i got a hang-over. Dunno why but my whole week became very depressing. Especially after my Chemistry practical which was ... like what my previous post described. Totally urgh and puack. Life goes on. But my heart and mind just can't move on. Depression is famously described by my Church leaders as a black-hole equivalent; as a never ending dark tunnel that you just unknowningly[most of the time] fall in and get stuck in. It's like being deep beneathe in a swimming pool which u cant seem to surface. It's suffocating. I felt just like that. The previous week was even worst. I got so depressed that i nearly thought i was back-sliding, that my life was coming to an end. It's no joke. My faith and of course my friends play a big part in helping me pull through. Being depressed, naturally you can't study. You can't think. You mind is just encaged. Today i felt much better. Especially after service. Hmm so i shall share the happening in my service b4 i share the important thoughts and reflections that hit me after service and on my way home.

Today is my duty in my church service. That is i have to put on my usher-tag, give everyone a big smile, and carry out the instructions that my I/C has directed or place me in. As you know, my church is big and we need properly direct the crowd and people to empty seats. This is done through careful instructions and hand signals. There is when my role come in. This is my first time taking the role as "Acupoint". Basically i am supposed to know which part of the auditorium have empty seats and to pass the info around to the door ushers. I am situated at the top of the long stairs with my partner below. She will use hand signal to tell me how many seats there are in each zone and feed back to me. So it just remind me and give me the impression that i am in ... you know those stock market ... where they use hand signal to bring accurate clear message across. Pretty fun. My opinion of this job : Its quite fun and easy to do. Compared with being in-charge of a zone, well this role as an acupoint is much more relaxing and easy to do =D. I learnt quite alot from the people around me, though i think one of the sisters is not very please with my performance. Anyway, i am generally happy with my performance. I don't think i screw up anything through out my whole ushering session.

This part is very good. Pastor Kong spoke about something that has been bothering me in my past few days and weeks. The style of worship. I just can't feel God as tangibly as i want to when i worship. The pastor spoke abit about this agenda. I shall share abit of his sermon which really impact my life. Why .. err share later la. hahah dun frown, this is gonna be a long post.

Worship
I have ask my cell group leader, aka my mom, Karista about my style of worship. When i worship, i visualise on what the words meant and how i can see myself doing what i say. That's how i worship. But i have been ignorant about the fact that alot of times, i've drifted my attention away from God. Just like what Pastor Derek said, it's funny that your mind can be empty at times but when you start praying or worshipping, suddenly your mind will be clouded with lots of stuff. Here are the points raised by the pastor:

1) Worship is waiting upon the Lord.
- We have to wait for the Lord, 'cos God works on his own timing.
- When we learn to wait, we'll be able to slowly feel his presence

2) Worship is undistracted Focus on God
- We have to learn to put aside the things that are around us, and solely focus on him
- For when our heart and mind is, there our spirit is also.

3) Worship is extravagant adoration of God
- We can learn to postrate, kneel infront of Lord
- To postrate is to go to the lowest level we can go, when worshipping God.

4) Worship is unconditional sacrifice for God
- I'ts going to cost our time, money, pocessions and ultimately our lives
- We have to learn to give up our lives to him, to let him mould us to what he wants us to be.

This is a poweful message. After the message, we started worshipping God as a congregation. I can tell you, men i got this feeling. The warmth i never felt for years since i have accepted Christ as my personal Lord and saviour. I feel God's blanket of warmth encovering me, entwining me. Non-Christians may call it wishful thinking. But let me challenge all my friends who think this way. Come to my church to experience the feeling for yourself. For such things are unique and may be different for everyone. ..... I was really trembling and shaking when i am just beside the stage. I can really feel the power, the tangible presence that make my feets weak. I can't explain this feeling. I mean, hey if i start to shake and tremble in the middle of Orchard Road, you gotta start worrying about me. But hey no ... this is not that. Not what Science can explain as an alike form of Parkinson's Disease. It is a real confirmation that God is there. God moved right infront of me. That is no way i can deny it. To deny is to be ignorant. I can't follow the Scientific requirements of explaining this feeling through methodology, systematic explanation, or experimental deductions through and of this phenomenon. It's simply a level or key that doesn't fit into the lock that Science requires. To non-christians out there .. seeing is believing. Its only when you are willing to give yourself this chance to see what i see, to feel what i feel. Then you'll know something is different. And what i said is true.

The real important part of all this message is my reflections.
I have discovered a new me. A different me that is so different from my old me. To tell you the truth, coming to City Harvest Church should be about knowing God. But it's not just that and it doesn't end there. Coming to Church and empowered me with new skills.

-I've learned important relational skills [not just the usual friend to friend chat], but the importance and way of effective communication [thru the relationship seminal].
-I've learned not to take for granted in all things.
-I've learned about Goal Setting.
-I've learned about releasing and maximising my potential in me.
-I've learned ways of effective living [ though i must admit that i've not been applying very well to my life ].
-I've learned to see through your own problems to solve your problems.
-I've learned to open up more.
-I've learned to be tolerant at times when my friends can rub me in the wrong wa
-I've learned to be appreciative over little things in life.
-I've learned the importance of handling money.
-I've learned serving skills which might be useful in my working life.
-I've learned to put my trust in the right place
-I've learned about habits of effective thinking and thinking for a change.
-I've learned to be more of a listener than a talker
-I've learned anout punctuality.
-I've learned to make the best out of every little thing
-I've learned about building self-esteem

How about spirirtually?
-I've learned to speak in tongues more
-I've learned about Faith. Forsaking All I Trust Him
-I've learned about God's amazing Grace.
-I've learned about stewardship
-I've learned about trusting God not for all things but in all things
-I've learned about tithing
-I've learned to be a soul-winner
-I've learned about Patience and Perserverance
-I've learned cool and important bible verses [God's Promises]
-I've learned about prayer
-I've learned about Praise and Worship
-I've learned about God's visions vs. My visions
-I've learned about respect
-I've learned about the peace of God
-I've learned about our healer God, our provider God
-I've learned about having an intimate relationship with God
-I've learned more about the attitudes of the unchurched.
-I've learned about Trials, Tribulations and testings.
-I've learned about faithfulness, truthfulness and faith
-I've learned about the manner of walking with God
-I've learned about visualising and rehearsing your miracle
-I've learned about the attitudes of the heroes of our Faith
-I've learned about Jeruselum and Antioch Church
-I've learned about sacrifice. [like sacrificial faith pledges]
-I've learned to build my own altar for God

This are the things i can remember of. The things i've learned in this 17 months. What can i say. My life has changed. I don't thing i've learned anything bad in this 17 months. I've not pick up any bad habit. Only good ones to add to the list of my not so good ones. Looking back at this. I was like wow. What a change. I used to be sooo quiet and i don't dare to even look at girls. I used to be worked up very easily. Though i still am now, but i know that i am changing. I am becoming a different person! And i find this journey exciting. Astonishing. Amazing. Crazy. Fun. Sad. Crazy. And i dunno what else to say. It's sad that in life, many people do not give chance to certain things. And they give a chance to all the wrong things in all, drugs, terrorist acts. A world that we live today is torn and broken with so many "new age cultures" which sometimes we as ordinary people can't differentiate the good from the bad. And the best part of coming to this church is ... i make new friends. I've friend who always talk to me that he has no true friends. I've also another friend who say that alot of people in this world are hypocrites. I've friends who backstabbed me. I came to City harvest, and i discovered a whole new environment. Maybe you might say you jsut found a new clique or social activity partners. I can only say, don't be so shallow minded. Its really a totally different environment here. Alot of care, share and of course a fervant attitude to seek God. The environment we live in often changes who we are and everything that comes with it. Don't ask me why. This is part of Biology. Go read O/A level bio textbook. Chapter 11 - Evolution [ps: the chapter is fake. Go find the chapter yourself.]

I've met people who have only met me for 12 months and are willing to fork out hundred over dollars just for me to buy formal clothings for my usher. I've met people who constantly encourage me.Directly or Indirectly. Know when my birthday is and reserve a special weekend to celeb for me. I've met this group of people who are willing to listen to my pains. Over and over again! I've met people who are willing to lend their ties, shoes , belts and even fork out money for my personal expenses. I've known of this people, who fork out their time to visit my dying grandpa lying in the hospital bed. I can go on .... forever. The fact is that there is no such clearly- cool place on Earth that i've found that has blessed me so much. Look, it's not about how much i receive from this people that counts. It's the heart. The thought. The very meaning of doing this for someone u barely know for a few months , days and to a extent ... a year. I am quite sentimental. And i can say that I love you dudes and dudees. Most of all, I loved God. I love the special place he has place me into. This is not just a time of reflection. It's a time of appreciation of what you guys have done for me. I meant it straight from my heart. Thank you. Whatever you are, whatever you do. God bless you.