[spiritual walk]
He's amazing. I can sing praises for him all day
Like i told Prem. And to everybody else. Christianity ain't just a religion. It's a relationship. The more you walk on, the more you'll marvel at what you receive.
And trust me, i've questioned myself more about my belief each passing moment. They aren't doubts of my religion, but my conscious self-reminder and awareness of what i'm doing.... To know that i am not blindly leading myself into no-where. I am in for just that right adventure.
I was ushering this very day. And as I think back, i behave really abnormal this week (for some strange reason). I was not myself. I wonder if its the coming of inner-healing evangelist - Ps Mike Connell. There is something in me that goes uneasy? I really dunno. But i aint myself. I felt burden all again. Direfully stressed for unknown reasons. I felt unloved. Unappreciated. Sickening.
And its all coming in one blow. Its really alot to take... I felt that i am doomed to sin again and again. Never will there be light upon my life.
Now i understand alittle more about going through trials. About the need to lean on the pillar of God for support. And that great support ...... is that of his word. The bible. The greatest sword ever forged is my dear old bible. Dedicated and inscribed with my name. Owned by me that is :)
Reading through the story of Job has comforted me daily. I find it amazing to know that there ever was a man that is almost perfect. However, he has to go through a great unjustifiable suffering. Job asked countlessly "why me?" but he kept his faith on. I guess the only mistake he make is seeking an answer to his suffering instead of God, the true source of all wisdom. The fear of the Lord is true wisdom. [Job 28:28]
I know that my redeemer lives, and that he will stand upon the earth at last.
Job 19:25
He will rescue you again and again so that no evil can touch you.
Job 5:19
He is always with me. I love that.
I was serving as Usher today. It seems that everything went quite wrong today for me. I was alittle blur in what I'm doin today. very weird ...
As i help out in the altar call, i found myself trembling again. I felt something coming down from above and flowing through me. And my heart began to sink heavily... I cant usher well. The deep desire for release starts to form in me....
Today's service is about inner-healing. Deliverance. During this process, any spirits of this world living in the person will began to manifest themselves. People will go shouting, trashing, screaming and laughing uncontrollably. They will have to be pinned down, and be prayed upon powerfully by the Pastors and other leaders. That's how its all about. Prem was shocked and no doubt i was too when i first witness such an unbelieving sight. I don't understand how people could behave like lunatics out of a sudden. And i got pretty worried and afraid. Now I was going to step up and prayed upon. This time... I just want to make sure that i do not harbour any spirits of this world.
Shortly after i was prayed upon, i began to shake. I fell and they kept on laying hands to cast out the spirit of infirmity and others. They spoke very accurately on my spiritual sufferings that i've never breathe a word about. That really amaze me when i come to think about it. I voluntarily cough as Ps Mike said coughing is a faith action that you are willing to spill out whatever is in you. I did that and i found myself shaking even more. I dun really recall wad is happening. But i know lots of people layed hands upon me and i was being prayed for, for a very long time.
Its a real interesting but yet scary experience. The amazing thing is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit after the prayer. They prayed for God's Love to fill me up .... and i began my Holy Laughter. I began to laugh uncontrollably. I never understand how it took place. But i i just laugh. There and then, peace swarm over me. Its so warm and sweet.
The brothers then gave me a great hug. And while hugging him, he prayed for me as well. I felt soooo happy :). I really enjoy that prayer. It was like the warmest, joyous prayer i've received thus far.
2 things i've experience after that long prayer.
1) my whole body was really weak. I can't get up myself. I was helped up to my feet.
2) Strong electricity upon my hands. Not pins and needles. Its like i'm firing electricity out of my fingertips.
Can someone explain why i felt like this ?
Well i don't really care. I was filled up with that joy again. That's my great encounter today..
God is good all the time. All the time He is good.
I was told to meditate on this one verse.
John 3:16 ..
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life
Maybe you should meditate on this love too. That love that overides all love. No love in this world can beat such love. Unconditional love
cheerz...
6 comments:
Jason,thank you very much for posting this very great,fantastic,absolutely true,amazing and heart-wrenching message.Now,it is my turn to comment.Be prepared to read a long posting from me.
Yes,it was very obvious that you behaved very abnormal and strangely the whole of this week. Like I told you,you looked very exhausted,tired,stressed,worried,frustrated for no reason and so on.I am sure you know it as well.It was very obvious...Yes,I felt you did not appreciate what others did for you,especially myself in some ways.People also noticed and observed you.They said you were very quiet and did not communicate much to others,besides myself.They knew something was wrong with you and wanted to just find the right opportunities to talk to you personally.But,some were too busy while others were just afraid to consult you and talk to you about yourself,your personal life and about your behaviour,attitude and character.
Some people ask me why I am so concerned for you sometimes.I choose not to answer them,coz I do not wish to tell them.Only you and I know the real reason/s.Jason Chong asked me something yesterday.He said that I know everything about you and all that concerns you. He said it's very scary.Guess my response to him??I said it's not that I know all about you,but since we are in the same unit;of course I will get and come to know things and events concerning you.Agree?But,on the other hand,I do not know much about your personal life.I do not wish to know,probe and ask you also.Just recall back for a while. Have you told me about your personal life?Maybe to some extent.Same for me also.Sometimes,it's just not the appropriate times to release and reveal everything out.There is a time for everything.Agree??
Your nickname in MSN explains all.You must have a comeback attitude for every failure you encounter and experience.Like what PS Mike Connell said, there is no turning back. But,only moving forward.It is very true. No point dwelling about the past.It is of no use and only hurts us more.We have spoken about this before,remember?I think it was the first week of this month.Rite?
Like what Terence told you last night,you are the first person I have treated as my special,true and closest friend among others in NSSC.It is very true.I heard everything he said to you.So,what is your comments?What do you have to say?I will post my comments on this after hearing from you.Lots of loopholes everywhere,if you watch closely.
I feel and think you felt very uneasy this week.You were not yourself,yes.You always have your spiritual mum,Carista to express your thoughts and feelings.I am sure she can explain to you better.I may not be the most suitable person to talk to you at times.How do you feel when I talk to you,when you talk to me,or when both occur concurrently and consecutively??
I suspect,maybe it is the inner-healing that came from PS Mike Connell which caused all these hiccups,confusion and twist and turn in yourself this week.Actually,to tell the truth;I was very excited when you told me about him earlier this week.But,some things you told me about him scared,horrified and surprised me.I dinno such people REALLY existed in this world.You and I have heard about myths,stories about demons,strange things happening and so on.I can't recall what it is called now.Forgot already and too brain-dead now.Perhaps,you can aid me here if it comes and strikes your mind.Thanks.
Yes,now I know that whatever you say is very true and really occurs.When you first told me that City Harvest Church is a holy place and also a place where miracles and true happenings and events occur,I thought you were pulling my leg.Now,I know how true your statement/s and experience/s are.Back to saying "long before your time".In this case,it is backdated to Saturday,14th May 2005 when I and Patrick first visited and came to your church...
I have always thought of Christianity as a religion only.But,I slowly understand the history and all which lies behind Christianity.Yes,maybe;I will be even more marvelled,bedazzled and touched when I receive and witness more as I come to CHC even more often.Forgive me for my limited usage of Vocabulary in the English Language.Your English is ten times better than mine.I apologize if some parts in my post bored you to death.
Jesus Christ is amazing.He can do lots of amazing things and wonders which we have never imagined,seen,experienced,touched and read about before.I do not mind singing songs and praises for him as long as I know he is with me and supports me all throughout my life,just like the Gods in my Hindu religion do to me.They have helped me to some extent in my life.
I really feel that my friendship with Christian friends last much more longer than people of other races.Do not know why;maybe like what you said coz of that special relationship with Christians or something.Maybe,you can explain this philosophy to me.
To be continued...
There are times I ask myself about my religion also and if I am following and adhering to it closely.Same encounter as you.I also feel I am heading to no specific direction in life,just idling away my time and wasting it.Always complaining stressed,exhausted and calling of negative attitudes within myself in me.By the way, what is that 'right adventure" which you mentioned and are referring to?"The Challenge Is Always In The Journey". Do u remember this very famous quote in your blog before you changed it?What was that "challenge",my friend?
There will be always be light in your life.There is light in your life,but it is hibernating somewhere just waiting for you to head towards it and reach it.Opportunities don't come so easily.You must grab them when the time comes.Get my point?I know you are very worried about retaking your upcoming "A" Level exams this year.Not enough time to study,being indulged in too many events and activities,work from 8 to 6 on weekdays,lacking behind in your preparations for your exams and other internal and external factors which affect you directly.Just tell yourself you will overcome all these,get on with life and that "I CAN DO IT AND NEVER SAY DIE" attitude and spirit.You will definitely succeed and be on your way to living your life more fruitfully and for a brighter future.I can only advise you this much.The rest lies and is up to you,dude.
Nobody is perfect in life.We learn from mistakes.Past experiences are our stepping stones.We fall and get up from there.There is no answer and solutions to our sufferings in life.True wisdom...HMMM,what a great word to use.How does it come in the picture in the story of the man in Job?What unjustifiable suffering did the man in the story of Job undergo?
Your redeemer lives and will pick you up.There is a redeemer in everyone of us.It is just when he chooses to pick us up.We depend on him to save our lives,especially in situations of crisis,dilemmas and severe confusion,depression and undue worries.No evil can touch as long as he rescues us.Only Good things will fall upon us.Trust me.I may sound I know everything and an experienced person.Trust me,I am NOT.I am slowly beginning to know and understand more about Christianity.God is ALWAYS with you anytime,anywhere.
Actually,I was invited by Jess yesterday if I minded going down and be ready and prepared to accept Christ in my life when PS Mike Connell prayed for those who were ready and wanted to accept Christ in their life.There were two parts to his prayer,remember?The reason is simply because I am not fully prepared and ready as yet. I do not wish to make the same,trivial mistake I made on the night of Friday,10th June 2005 on Day 1 of your Emerge Service 2005.We have also had a long conversation about this also last month.
I found PS Mike's message very true.I really liked and agreed wo what he said.God is someone we must accept as someone in our life daily.We must worship and believe in him.Remember the keys and steps he pointed out to leading a successful life and to be a better person in this world??The second part of the prayer really shocked me.I was very surprised,shocked and shaken by what I witnessed when the inner-self came out from lots of different people,young and all,from different generations,races and from all walks of life.I still cannot forget what occurred yesterday.It is not a dream!Was even thinking about it in my sleep last night and this morning.I wanted to go up also,but did not on second thought.I was afraid of what I would experience if I went in front and could carry on later on in the night,if I possessed the same strength,bravery,courage,perseverance and commitment as you.Maybe,I missed out on a great and very rare and real experience and opportunity.
I did not know that PS Mike can read our mind and what is in us and also what we have encountered in life.Our setbacks,failures,disasters.He is definitely more than a pastor,evangelist and more than God for certain.For a moment,I thought your church transformed like what we see in the movies,or some mental hospital.I dinno if you noticed.Some people were too weak and even fainted.People had to pick them up.Some had a terribly difficult TIME
releasing their inner-self.It took quite some time for them.Spirits really exists in CHC.That is why City Harvest Church is a great place to be,second home for some.And,also a holy and spiritual place.That is why many praise and compliment City Harvest Church as the only church in Singapore which "ROCKS"!!
I was glad I turned up yesterday and witnessed the presence of the Holy Spirit with my very own eyes.It was unbelievable,but also interesting,scary and horrifying,touching,heart-wrenching, true,amazing,great,fantastic and surprising too.I cannot explain why you felt this way after the prayer.You can try asking your spiritual mum.I am sure she can help you more on this.
Just remember everyone cares for you.Take care and enjoy your weekend.God Bless You.We will meet again soon,I hope.
wow...
thx prem. i love heartfelt words and i appreciate them alot. you should say out what you feel more often :) I know you are a very considerate guy ...
i guess i'll have to call you up to chat abt this. There are so many things you've not mention to me but i'm glad u finally did.
I just want to say that i treasure you eqaully as my great friend dude. And if accepting that everything is my fault [ when there aint any fault at play in the first place ] will make our friendship better ... i am willing to do so. I guess you should have known this by now after so much that has happened. :)
"Yes,I felt you did not appreciate what others did for you,especially myself in some ways."
hmm is tat true? May i ask why you felt this way? Well please know that being moody at work, stress or unhappy doesn't mean i don't show appreciation. And trust me, i've never waver my part in showing appreciation. If any of my friends can name me one thing they did for me and i have no shown appreciation ... i'll make it up gravely for it. I appreciate everything i have in this life. and sorry if i've given u tat impression. I hope you'll know this from now .. that whatever happen .. i will never forget what people have done for me.
"They said you were very quiet and did not communicate much to others"
I am a quiet person by nature. maybe because of what happen and who i am in the past. It's pointless to mention it here. But rest assure i'll make every effort to open up myself. Like i've said many times in my blog ... forgive me if i've not performed what i have commited to do. I will change. My quiet life will be part of my history soon :)
"Some people ask me why I am so concerned for you sometimes.... Only you and I know the real reason/s"
yea. I may not know all. But i do know you are one special friend that I'm fortunate to have indeed :)
"There is a time for everything.Agree??"
Amen. :)
"No point dwelling about the past.It is of no use and only hurts us more"
yup. I remember that. And haa i think i've shared with abt this pt before during thae make-up lesson on Potential. About letting go of negative expereinces. :)
"you are the first person I have treated as my special,true and closest friend among others in NSSC.It is very true.So,what is your comments"
well i'm glad to tell you. Turtle asked me this before and i'll gladly share with you now. In my vocabulary, i have no list of best friends. There are only acquintances and frineds. Every friend to me is my best friend. I hold them in very high places because I believe they are gifts from God to my life. And we all know it takes 2 hands to clap. If they are really my friends, they have to play their part as well. I have always said that if there are problems, spill out and say. Even if it is not done in a tactful or edifying manner. I respect those who do that.
So... please know that u are my special friend too. I've observed that there are many who become great friends by means of common interest. But for me, its all about commitment and appreciation. That's why you are my great friend too.. Prem.
"How do you feel when I talk to you,when you talk to me,or when both occur concurrently and consecutively??"
Well i tink it's better for me to address this issue to you on the phone. I'll phone you when i'm free :)
"I dinno such people REALLY existed in this world."
haa i tink you meant "spirits" rite? haa yea they are present. I have a friend who mention that she knows of a friend who has a "third eye". she can see spirits living in this world in places that she goes. Its very scary but pls do know one thing .. that is do not ever get involve with these spirits. Do not welcome them into yr life. I can share with you more if you wish to know.
"Forgive me for my limited usage of Vocabulary in the English Language.Your English is ten times better than mine.I apologize if some parts in my post bored you to death"
you know well i don't think like this.. hmm do u ?? Well no it aint boring men. My english is horrible just for yr info. my GP grade says it all.
"When you first told me that City Harvest Church is a holy place and also a place where miracles and true happenings and events occur,I thought you were pulling my leg."
yea .. now you know. I don't pull people's legs. I pull people's hands to church. hahah :P
"Jesus Christ is amazing....
AMEN
He can do lots of amazing things and wonders which we have never imagined,seen,experienced,touched and read about before.I do not mind singing songs and praises for him as long as I know he is with me and supports me all throughout my life,just like the Gods in my Hindu religion do to me.They have helped me to some extent in my life."
Hmmm.... I'll talk to you personally on the phone abt this one too. :)
"I really feel that my friendship with Christian friends last much more longer than people of other races.Do not know why;maybe like what you said coz of that special relationship with Christians or something.Maybe,you can explain this philosophy to me."
:) I know. I've felt that way too. When i come to know Christ ... i've felt something about relationships that is very different from what it is outside in the world. They are people who truly care about me. People who love me as who i am. Well non-christians reading this might tink i might be crazy. But i say it's God love. It manifest very strongly in Christians. That's why we have great relationships with others.
end of my part 1 reply to ya...
to prem: just a small point, the people screaming and whatever like lunatics are not showing their inner self. that is NOT their inner self, but rather, the manifestation of the spirits that are screaming in fear of Christ Jesus. The bible speaks of such manifestations too, such as one guy who was posessed by a legion of demons and Jesus ordered them to go to the swine, and the swine commited suicide.
to sonix: inspiring to see your faith and love renewed :) its time for me to renew mine too
storm : thx. :) i like yr love story in yr blog post btw :) kinda rare to see ya post abt personal experience in a story kinda way.
Prem :
i guess i shall continue my part 2 yea .... ?
"There are times I ask myself about my religion also and if I am following and adhering to it closely.Same encounter as you.I also feel I am heading to no specific direction in life,just idling away my time and wasting it."
hmmm ok. Its good tat u r asking questions ... because that keeps you thinking... and i say teens hold the most critical stage of their life. They have to think well and think smart to determine their later course of adult life.
I will talk to you more about this on the phone. well prefably after u spilled out all yr thoughts. Lemme just ask you afew question that just spells out everything .... How do you know God is real ? That the religion you believe in really really exist? :) You know what, i was asked this question when i was a fresh reborn christian in my JC days. And i can tell ya that really set me thinking and seeking. And i am happy and excited to say i've found that answer. I know him as my God. Christianity is real. Chrisitanity being called a religion is an understatement. Its a greatest relationship that change my life. :) Its such an experience that if i would say that there is no God, i would be living in self-denial.
"Do u remember this very famous quote in your blog before you changed it?What was that "challenge",my friend?"
yes i remember my fren. That challenge is thru my difficult times i had. Remember the gifts i've shared with you about. About the great admiring personalities that you see in Christians? I've been a keen observer men. I say that are many great personalities .. but i do wonder ..........
Why ... Characteristics of unconditional love (Mother Theresa), Joy through unexplained suffering ( Job, Thomas Edison), and other gret examples .. are mainly found in Christians ? There are great successful people in life. But such great attributes of showing love, exhibiting Joy when one goes thru the worst possible suffering .... Patience ... the fruits of the spirit... are ever so present in Christians.
Ever wondered why ? I learnt that most go through a period of difficult time. Most of the time i am experiencing that. That's the challeng in the journey. To be a better me :) I really want to bear the fruits of the spirit. And i know i am drawing closer each passing moment ... :)
"get on with life and that "I CAN DO IT AND NEVER SAY DIE" attitude and spirit.You will definitely succeed and be on your way to living your life more fruitfully and for a brighter future"
I'll remember that Mr Prem :) Thx 4 the words of wisdom.
"How does it come in the picture in the story of the man in Job?What unjustifiable suffering did the man in the story of Job undergo?"
He is a character in the bible. He is an extraodinary man that does mostly everything that is right. There wasn't a fault at all that was mentioned in the bible about this man before Satan struck him with disease. He was struck with boils from head to toe, his mass wealth is taken away, his children all died, his wife left him, he lost everything. And then his true friends started thinkin that he must be evil-hearted in the first place. That's really sad. But he never throw a curse at God. He only wants answers. Eventually he is restored back with everything he has originally. And furthermore, he had twice the riches before his great suffering.
During this time, Job's story was my everyday-inspiration. He really shows me the essence of tolerence, bearing long-suffering and faith.
"Only Good things will fall upon us."
i beg to differ. It's not true. But it is true that our redeemer lives in us. Its my great God, Jesus Christ. Well we can certainly redeem ourselves but as far as i know, our human strength will never be able to deliver us totally in all circumstances. My God has taught me that through my journey. :)
"The reason is simply because I am not fully prepared and ready as yet. I do not wish to make the same,trivial mistake I made on the night of Friday,10th June 2005 on Day 1 of your Emerge Service 2005"
yea. ha you are so cute men. Dunno what you are doing that time. Have a great thought abt it then. I will help you as much as i can in yr questions.
"Was even thinking about it in my sleep last night and this morning.I wanted to go up also,but did not on second thought.I was afraid of what I would experience if I went in front and could carry on later on in the night,if I possessed the same strength,bravery,courage,perseverance and commitment as you.Maybe,I missed out on a great and very rare and real experience and opportunity."
yea i can imagine. Well, that's why i told u to prepare yrself :). Haa feel free to talk with me abt it if u wanna ask more. Don't be afraid or compare yrself with the people who went down men. Its yr first experience like ya said. I am happy you din miss this rare opportunity too. :)
"He is definitely more than a pastor,evangelist and more than God for certain"
He is not more than God. No one can ever be greater than him. yea.. really. I pity those who stand in the way of God... his wrath can be amazing as i've seen in the bible. And as much as what i've seen in the bible, i get to witness in real life. I definitely do not want to see or feel his wrath upon my life.
Well do know that this pastor is gifted. God used him to do miracles. He was chosen to witness to men, to show the character of God. He is our deliverer. And as far as i know, the chosen people will live life daily fighting against the devil. Hence, they are really strong annointed Christians. That's why i look up to my Church leaders alot.
"releasing their inner-self.It took quite some time for them.Spirits really exists in CHC"
yea like turtle said, the spirits casted out from their bodies are no part of them. As i've learn in bible study classes, they are suicidal and have a destructive nature.
Spirits very much exist in this world. And i love the Holy Spirit that is living in me as i've became a Christian. It is different from the spirit of the world. The spirit of God has change my life alot.. :). I have shared this in my blog b4 :)
Hee, a great conversation we can have abt this.
frankly speaking .. i've doubted abt events like this b4 in my early Christian days. I was also kinda scared and don't understand what in the world is happening. Really funny come to think abt it now. Never expected myself telling my experience abt this. really cool.
That great adventure.... Just the right title
Hey.. don't worry bout the feeling of weakness in yr physical body after yr supernatural encounters. It happened to me a couple of times before... I can safely say that it is because of the power of God. He is the Almighty afterall. Haha.. =)
Post a Comment