Touch Again

[spiritual walk]














He's amazing. I can sing praises for him all day













Like i told Prem. And to everybody else. Christianity ain't just a religion. It's a relationship. The more you walk on, the more you'll marvel at what you receive.













And trust me, i've questioned myself more about my belief each passing moment. They aren't doubts of my religion, but my conscious self-reminder and awareness of what i'm doing.... To know that i am not blindly leading myself into no-where. I am in for just that right adventure.













I was ushering this very day. And as I think back, i behave really abnormal this week (for some strange reason). I was not myself. I wonder if its the coming of inner-healing evangelist - Ps Mike Connell. There is something in me that goes uneasy? I really dunno. But i aint myself. I felt burden all again. Direfully stressed for unknown reasons. I felt unloved. Unappreciated. Sickening.


And its all coming in one blow. Its really alot to take... I felt that i am doomed to sin again and again. Never will there be light upon my life.


Now i understand alittle more about going through trials. About the need to lean on the pillar of God for support. And that great support ...... is that of his word. The bible. The greatest sword ever forged is my dear old bible. Dedicated and inscribed with my name. Owned by me that is :)


Reading through the story of Job has comforted me daily. I find it amazing to know that there ever was a man that is almost perfect. However, he has to go through a great unjustifiable suffering. Job asked countlessly "why me?" but he kept his faith on. I guess the only mistake he make is seeking an answer to his suffering instead of God, the true source of all wisdom. The fear of the Lord is true wisdom. [Job 28:28]


I know that my redeemer lives, and that he will stand upon the earth at last.
Job 19:25



He will rescue you again and again so that no evil can touch you.
Job 5:19


He is always with me. I love that.



I was serving as Usher today. It seems that everything went quite wrong today for me. I was alittle blur in what I'm doin today. very weird ...


As i help out in the altar call, i found myself trembling again. I felt something coming down from above and flowing through me. And my heart began to sink heavily... I cant usher well. The deep desire for release starts to form in me....


Today's service is about inner-healing. Deliverance. During this process, any spirits of this world living in the person will began to manifest themselves. People will go shouting, trashing, screaming and laughing uncontrollably. They will have to be pinned down, and be prayed upon powerfully by the Pastors and other leaders. That's how its all about. Prem was shocked and no doubt i was too when i first witness such an unbelieving sight. I don't understand how people could behave like lunatics out of a sudden. And i got pretty worried and afraid. Now I was going to step up and prayed upon. This time... I just want to make sure that i do not harbour any spirits of this world.


Shortly after i was prayed upon, i began to shake. I fell and they kept on laying hands to cast out the spirit of infirmity and others. They spoke very accurately on my spiritual sufferings that i've never breathe a word about. That really amaze me when i come to think about it. I voluntarily cough as Ps Mike said coughing is a faith action that you are willing to spill out whatever is in you. I did that and i found myself shaking even more. I dun really recall wad is happening. But i know lots of people layed hands upon me and i was being prayed for, for a very long time.


Its a real interesting but yet scary experience. The amazing thing is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit after the prayer. They prayed for God's Love to fill me up .... and i began my Holy Laughter. I began to laugh uncontrollably. I never understand how it took place. But i i just laugh. There and then, peace swarm over me. Its so warm and sweet.


The brothers then gave me a great hug. And while hugging him, he prayed for me as well. I felt soooo happy :). I really enjoy that prayer. It was like the warmest, joyous prayer i've received thus far.


2 things i've experience after that long prayer.
1) my whole body was really weak. I can't get up myself. I was helped up to my feet.
2) Strong electricity upon my hands. Not pins and needles. Its like i'm firing electricity out of my fingertips.


Can someone explain why i felt like this ?




Well i don't really care. I was filled up with that joy again. That's my great encounter today..



God is good all the time. All the time He is good.



I was told to meditate on this one verse.


John 3:16 ..

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life




Maybe you should meditate on this love too. That love that overides all love. No love in this world can beat such love. Unconditional love



cheerz...

A friend's encounter.

[ quotes ]
[ spiritual walk ]



"God is powerful, God is loving. God does not promise a bed of roses but He promises to carry me through the thorns, when I am lost and have no more strength left."

-qing.




i think its a very beautiful quote. and somehow i feel i've seen it somewhere b4.
A great opportunity to meet this words again. :)






The great thing about the bible is the great promises it gives. It has never failed those who ernestly seek God (according to my observation of the Christian community). So if it has never failed the great children of God, why would it stop and fail me ?





Joy and Jubilee

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12.




Seedtime and harvest.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:10, 11.






Thanks for that encouragement. indirectly directed to me :)

Pot Luck July 2005.

[Golden moments in pics]







There's always something happening in our cell...


















And i love food. It cheers mee up :)
























[ from Chong's cam ]









[ from my photo cam ]

very blur. ha. But they are nice!! :)






had a great day. Thx for all the food dudes :)






- more pics in my flickr :) -

untitled.

[ personal ramblings ]




I feel stress again..












I was really angry today with one of the mdm's in my unit.












Sigh.. i shall let it go.














I wonder how is all my A' level friends from SAJC doing now.









yea some are enjoying camps. Some are working to kill time. Some are preparing for their new term in their allocated university. Some are just like me, stuck 2 years with SAF.











I'm just so sad with my life. If i have straighten myself in my JC days and reject the defeated mindset i carried, i might have done more meaningful work now. I could take on part-time lessons to improve myself. Be more productive in my work place. Help out more in my ministry and cell group. Spend more time with my family.







I am a bad manager. Real bad. I really need to increase my capacity. Handle the hurts in life better. Able to forgive unreasonable selfish people easily. but sometimes feel really helpless. i feel i am going no-where. I regret my 2 years of wasted JC life.










Its real sad. All the guilt is coming back to me again. I feel that life is so tough to continue sometimes. Sometimes i wish i wasn't born on this Earth. That God have not created me at all.












sickening feelings. I reject those thoughts. But the deep drowning feelings always return. Time and again.








Yea no point dwellin like an idiot here... i need to be slapped sometimes.










I will walk on. But forgive me if i cant perform. I've told myself i have to change ...















and i will.










....... I just want to be alone from this world .........

Where I Belong.

[ personal ramblings ]




The song we are going to sing on 8 August 2005. -___-














Geez NDP... Now i'm in the army, but I'll never be part of NDP as like before.











But then again, i am happy as i was once part of it. - contingent marchin in Scouts







It was such an experience. I rememebr we stood there for long hours under the setting sun in Padang field. We train in various places. March like mad. And the Leaders always drill us with a point that we have to bring home each day after training ..... Scouts can march!






Well unlike the NPCC & NCC, scouts do not spend much time in footdrills. So it is expected that we'll screw up when it comes to footdrills. So basically, the SL went hard on us. But i do enjoy it. We have lots of fun during the marching trainings [ much more fun then marching aimlessly and everywhere we go in Tekong ... ]. Though sometimes it can get real boring, i feel it can be fun in certain way. I like the sound when we are able to produce that loud bang when we change positions [sedia ], turn around [ ganan,kekeri,keblankang-puseng ] and stamp our feet in unison. I really feel a great level of pride when i put on my Scouts uniform and march with my scouts - flag pole together with my comrades. [ha. i think we are the only batch of Scouts that march with a flag pole that year ]




I remember i have to endure the itchiness when we are in attention in the parade square. Its so different i can tell you ... being in the parade square of the stadium, compared to sitting down at the stand or on our coach infront of our TVs. When our sweat enter our eyes, it is really painful. That you have to avoid smartly or if you can't, you have to endure through. Those are great moments i can tell you. That's how i feel when i look back now. I don't know how my other scout-mates feel but i feel very happy being in part of the contingent team in NDP 2000.



I love it especially when they play nice NDP songs while we are in that Sedia or Sedan-diri position in the parade square. Its the only thing you can try to enjoy while you are standing for an hour plus to wait for the president to arrive and begin the parade. And then i thought of the horrible music lessons i had in secondary school. We were force to sing national songs which was just awful because half the time the teacher was scolding away. The songs are actually pretty nice even if many might feel its awful. Those songs sang by Tanya Chua, Kit Chen, JJ and Steff-Sun are really nice. Now we have our Singapore Idol - Taufik and Rui-En to sing this year's theme. Something fresh every year.



I am always lookin forward to NDP. Maybe because of the public holiday [hehe]. Well, sometimes the parade show might be alittle dull. But the fireworks never fail to impress me. They are so nice to look upon. As a kid, i will jump up and down when i see those fiery patterns that lit the sky at night. From my house, we used to be able to see the lights and feel the tremor of the air when it is released. Its just so cool to live in Chinatown :D *grinz*






2 cents thoughts for the day.

NKF Saga - Heart of Giving.

[ reflections ]



I haven't been following the news lately. Reading news is like a priviledge for me now. If time and circumstances permits, i can steal afew glances during office hours. My breaks are reserved for rests in office :)

NKF gets public backlash after court revelations

SINGAPORE : The National Kidney Foundation and its CEO TT Durai was the talk of town on Wednesday. This comes after they withdrew their defamation suits against Singapore Press Holdings, following a two-day hearing where the court heard about Mr Durai's pay and job perks.

Some 3,800 donors have cancelled their contributions to the organisation. At the same time, some 15,000 people signed an online petition calling for Mr Durai to step down.

But NKF staff have rallied behind their boss. The public spoke out swiftly - in the wee hours of the morning, vandals defaced a signboard outside the NKF building at Kim Keat Road.
Painters were quick to repaint the graffiti but the damage had already been done. In cyberspace, signatures came pouring in at an online petition website for Mr Durai to step down.

Even at Channelnewsasia.com's online forum, public disappointment was clear. Many donors said they would cut their donations to the charity after the revelations in court.
This has now put the organisation and its spending under intense public scrutiny. "They have been misleading to the public, they are already so cash rich, so I am going to withdraw my monthly GIRO I have been paying them."
"It is very unfair, it is a misuse of the money we donated to the organisation.

"If they need our money, we will donate but if they use our money for other needs, then it is not fair as it is difficult for us to make ends meet and when we donate whatever little we have, we do not know where this money goes to."

Besides this call for greater accountability, the majority of those who spoke to Channel NewsAsia said they will not stop donations to the NKF.

"Why should we penalise the kidney patients? They are the beneficiaries, it is the management. We should continue to support the patients."

"I will still donate, it is about helping people. What if someone in your family gets kidney disease or cancer?"

"The NKF still needs to raise funds here and there, and as a Singaporean, I don't mind to chip in a bit."

Despite the backlash, many staff members and patients at the National Kidney Foundation have rallied behind its chief Mr Durai, and they have also called on donors to take a more measured response to the revelations over the past few days.
Dialysis patient Chan Poh Choo, 58, visits a dialysis centre three times a week for treatment.

Mr Durai is seen as the engine of the organisation, not only for the 1,800 patients at the 21 dialysis centres islandwide, but also among his 900-strong staff. Ms Michelle Ang, Deputy Communications Director of NKF, said: "He addressed staff to explain the decision on withdrawing the case, and they gave him a standing ovation.

"As we all know how hard he has worked, his whole life has been about the NKF, the patients especially, as he knows them by name, he sees everyone of them so we all know what TT Durai stands for and he is a great boss."

That is the general consensus among many staff members of the man who has played a key role in building the NKF over the years.

[adapted from ChannelnewsAsia News]

So much so for a well-known organisation. Its really sad. I know the need to support themselves. I know there is a line that should be drawn between self-support and voluntary work. For a non-profit organisation, they should receive a minimal amount of money as a make-up for the "life and sweat" work the NSF crew have put in. And the line must very very clearly drawn. Especially when its about money matters.


When it comes to this, it reminds me of the church staff in CHCSA. They pour out so much hard work but they earn so little. That's basically the kind of services i feel charitable orgainizations should embrace. A heart to serve. A heart of giving. But of course, reality check - Nobody wants to work in a low-paying job. Even if they have a strong heart to help the needy, an empty pocket provides nothing. They have to be filled before they can fill others


So the point of the matter ?











The Heart of Giving.






I was disappointed by Mr Durai and his committee's management. It's been afew days and yet no public apology, or address has been made. The evidence that piled up so far makes it seem that they are doomed to be the baddies. Whatever the case, I believe that they have actually started out with a true heart of giving and serving. They might have mix business ideas with charitable acts and conveniently paint the picture to make it a win-win situation. But it goes to show that plans change with time. Slowly, they became unwise in handling money matters. I wonder sometimes if private non-profit organizations can manage huge finances? The same saga can repeat to any other voluntary organizations if the lesson is not learnt.





Money doesn't corrupt minds. The lust of it does. A typical example might be just shown here







If you (Singaporeans) remembered, the same episode happened before at a different place.






And guess where is the faithful place ?






City Havest Church.





My church.








And it did not blow up as big as this. Basically because of our continous transparency. Everything done was verified. There is no way the media can twist and spin a story out of it. It tried to do so but it failed. They have limits to the words they say. (Thank God for Good Governance)






The point I'm trying to make?









The Heart of Giving.






We learnt not to give for ourselves. But for others we give and serve.




Because in this world... we are owners of nothing but stewards of everything




I've read a book and it has a theory -

That if the world learns to share and everyone has a abundant giving spirit, we would all soon have more than enough. What you can give, give. Or even better --- Give everything you have. Give as if you will receive back instantaneously.



Pretty funny concept huh? But give it alittle thought. Don't disregard it so easily..


Imagine if everyone of us stop stealing from the streets. [less crime.] Stop stealing from the environment. [ scientist will stop blabbering about Global warming and extinction of natural species.] Stop stealing resources by oppressing the poor. [ Good governance rocks ]


Then imagine when you walk down the street, you receive piles and piles of gifts. Everyone will be carrying turtle shells (big bags on your back) or a 4-wheeled cart, walking down the street ... collecting gifts and giving to those the gifts they don't need. Santa Claus will be out of job. Everyday will be like Christmas day.


Of course you think I must be dreaming. But I believe there is no point stopping our giving just because of a great error made by a top management of a charitable organization. In the end, we are not punishing anyone but the poor kidney patients. Let's learn to be rationale on one thing. If one day we end up with kidney failure one day .... would we not be concern that No one bothers about us anymore ? Would we not be worried that people will stop giving because of simple incidents like this ? Yes, it might seem to be a scam for those who sowed their precious earnings every month to NKF to feed the rich. It might seem that they have more reserve for the next 30 years. That doesn't stop us from giving at all. We can choose to give to other organizations, but we cannot stop giving. Because all of us were here through the gifts of others. Think about all that you had in life that possibly many other could not enjoy.



Ps Kong said, you can give without loving .. but you cannot love without giving.



My question is, which one would you choose to be?



A person who gives for the sake of giving ?



or a person who gives love. And the very act of love is giving itself


I am not going to cancel my donations :) Thanks to those guys who inform me about it. Though it a rush of blurness, and carelessness .. I might have given alot. [take not .. its might. i am not sure if i made a 1 call or 8 call donation] But i am happy to give. Because i know what love its all about.







Its all about giving :)

" Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you .. "

Luke 6:38

My thoughts : A city that gives is a city of love. :)



I hope NKF will use the reserve wisely now. Share and give it to other organization. 30 years of needs supply is really alot. There are so many unmet needs out there..

It's coming.

[ Golden moments in pic ]
[ spiritual walk ]



Arise & Build 2005












Our last 24h fast in this 3 weeks marks the very start of another beginning...












I am really going to sow a sacrifice for 6 months. Its going to take alot from me. Especially with the many other things going on in my life. I've just calculated and now i must come up with a great list of how i am going to save money. If not i'll be dead by the end of every week.













On our way home from victorious living ..











Jazz and me were really starving. 24 hours w/o food is a big sacrifice for us.













For those who know me, they know i eat non-stop. Singapore is born with many great delicacies.
It's such a blessing to eat here.




To put words into action, we have showed out thisty (for food) tongues.










I can't really see her tongue, so she got a personal shot now :P







She looks pretty fleshy huh? *slurps* !! lol!

















and finally ...








Our fulfillment-look




8 more hours. Gampatte City Harvesters! :)








Well i paid alittle visit to turtle's site


She posted something which got me thinking for quite awhile...


And i gave a spendid ans! haa. Go visit her comments.






Fun :)
& -_- tired.

!@#%*!

Yesterday, i was doing my bid as a helpful lil Singaporean with a low paying allowance as an NSF.












I received an email today.













Dear Mr Ng

What you did last Sunday was remarkable! Together with many Singaporeans, you responded to our appeal and made over 850,000 calls, an incredible feat in the first-ever NKF Cancer Show. You have helped to give the cancer patients a fighting chance at life against the no. 1 killer in Singapore. Thank you for your generosity.


















I wad!??!?!













They better not be kidding me..








Come this Sunday July 10, my colleagues and I at MediaCorp, together with foreign celebrities will continue to take on the challenge to help the cancer patients through our participation in a second Show.












huh? I called yesterday - July 10th. So am i suppose to time travel back?











An email laden with errors signed by ..



Regards
Fann Wong
On behalf of MediaCorp Artistes







as i scroll down. i saw this :


Each 1900 112 6868 call, *SEND or SMS is a $5.80 contribution to NKF, with a $0.21 administrative fee both inclusive of GST.

Each 1900 112 6833 call is equivalent to $17.40 (3 calls), with a $0.21 administrative fee both inclusive of GST.

Each 1900 112 6855 call is equivalent to $29.00 (5 calls), with a $0.21 administrative fee both inclusive of GST.

Each 1900 112 6888 call is equivalent to $46.40 (8 calls), with a $0.21 administrative fee both inclusive of GST.



Callers under 18 must obtain parental permission.
Terms and Conditions apply.



If my memory did not fail me, I remembered i called 1900 112 6888.














OMG! I only wanted to make one call donation!











sad. 8 calls is really alot for an underpaid army service-man like me.








*pullz hair* T_T

Humour : Kids.

Kid Quotes


"Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."
- Donna Maria G, age 9


"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you."
- Rob P, age 8


"If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it."
- Steven B, age 8


"Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's Bill of Wrongs."-
Susie F., age 7


"Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense."
- Beau M., age 10








That's why they have the show ... "kids says the darnest things"
They are an amazing bunch of people. You got to salute them sometimes :)









But Daddy


My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store.

Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on.


Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!"

"But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."





[adapted from x-walk]




Lol. omg!

with that constant twingling, messing and pulling, i wonder how distrauted he'll look out in the crowd.







Lesson:

Don't give your kids gum when u piggyback them. And more importantly ...











Always prepare for plan B when you have kids :)

blaze.

I just got to know alittle more about the people in NSSC.









The goods and the bads.











Well the bad definitely impress me on how bad they can be.


















When one fall, instead of laying a helping hand, He/they can go off laughing like Hyenas.













Some people really piss me off. But hey, i'll forgive and forget.


















Its really hard. I really feel like confronting those jerks. Its a stupid thing to laugh when a person had a great fall.














haiz. what a sad day.

Upturn

Many things happen in NSSC these days.










But i will say one thing. Its improving. And surely they will. :)








I've hurt my friend on Monday. And i've apologise earlier. He is okay with it now.
At least better.













I feel real bad. But now i am happy things go out well. I am a problem solver :). I will not let things go bad. yea, you have my word.













Nothing in this world is going to pull me down. I am too sick to think what the world thinks about me. But from the impressions they form about me, i know truly if they care and want to be my friend. For those who know me, they will know i love everybody :)













Hey things are going to change. My prayer has not been wasted. Please stay with me and support me through my A level studies. Your encouragements are mostly welcome.






Thanks guys and girls :) I am so blessed to have ya people.





Live life as if there aint going to be another day like this.

Moving on with His word.

I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me.
Phil 4:13












Work HARD and CHEERFULLY at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord.
Col 3:23





















Where do you rely on when you need strength?








I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.". Ps91:2












And in him i will trust. :)