Reflections.

Today is nto a good day. Morning started off with an argument. I felt hurt. I put on my MSN nick "Hurt. I'll be independent. I'll be." I felt that my granny doesn't love me. I felt that she doesn't care about me. I feel so lost. And above all, i lost my temper. I don't wanna lose it. Sometimes i wish time cab fall back and i can erase what i've done or said. Obviously nature doesn't allow that. I am sad.

I spoke with one my cell group member who gave me bible study. She told me of a practical soln to handle my case. [We are arguing over allowance]. Sometimes we are so blinded by emotions and we fail to see the good or somehow obvious soln to our probs. Alot of things struck me thru-out the course of the day. It's like God is telling me how much hurt i've cost. How would be granny feel on the other side of the argument. I've been a bad boy. I am a bad boy. But my heart is still angry. I still feel lost. I felt vulnerable i guess. This remidns me of what i learn i nmy previous lesson in my Christian Lifestyle bible study.

In my previous/ and last lesson, I learnt about reaching out with Jesus' love. On what of the section, it talks about needs. It suddenly hit me that i lack or maybe ... i would say ... have problems with one of the foundational need. Love.

Dr. Abraham Maslow's Scale of Human Needs classify the needs of Human as follows

1st level : Physiological Needs
Food,shelter and basic survival.

2nd Level: Safety and Security
The need of protection. Shelter and refuge.

3rd Level: Love and Belonging
Need for love. Sense of Belonging. Need to develop meaningful relationships

4th Level: Self-Esteem
Love yourself as yourself. Appreciate God for making you

5th Level: Self Actualisation
Search for the reason of your existence. Desire to fulfill your purpose, dream and destiny.

It occur to me that... for a blur-block like me... who seems to be drifting .. or cruising thru each day. I've have a problem with level 3. Re-counting what had happen over the years, i really wonder alot. But i am afraid to find out. My life ... like i told my friend.. is in a big mess. I feel in many ways that it shouldn't be like that. And that i can handle my life in a much mroe better way than what i am going thru' now. There are no time for regrets. Maybe enough time to reflect. I hope I can clear up this mess and make fulfill my role as a student now and be what i am called to be. Be what i am to be. Be what i can be. What am i saying??