Missing and Incomplete

Men am i feeling down today. Sad. Really. That's all it is in me. My prelims is so terrible that i have little hope for myself. The answer to my current crisis is to work hard. But i have a constant feeling that i will not make it in A levels. I feel very devastated. Ms Wong had a chat with me about my Bio results. She keeps asking me "how?" ... which more specifically means : what do u plan to do now to turn yr results to the right side up. She asked me how i performed so badly .. and why i didn't approach her. I must admit that partly is becos i am lazy to find her. Partly be'cos i feel that she doesn't care about me at all. But maybe she does. Maybe i was wrong all the while. Sighz. Depreciative results. Incompetency is certainly overwheming.

Secondly i feel sad cos 2 of my cell group members are leaving. It makes me think of Miss Cher. Miss Cher was a fervent christian once b4. Just like my 2 friends here. But out of unknown reason, they left. When i see that i feel really sad. And i feel very confused all at the same time. Peifen told me abt the story of Peter. His denial of Jesus 3 times b4 the rooster crow. I supposed Christians do fall away from their path of destiny. I am afraid that one day i'll be like them. Like Miss Cher. Peifen told me i have to hold on to the love of God. Truly i really hunger for that experience. I have not felt that experience for years. And i really did not know if i ever felt the true presence of God. The presence to melt every broken heart. The presence that stirs out joy from nowhere. Or like what " mom" said .. the tangible feeling of peacefulness .. the suddenly lifted up experience. I don't know. I am really confused. I am a very forgotful person. I wonder if one day i forgot the love of God. Would God still be there for me? Would i still be loved?