Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Thankful

God thank you for a wonderful day ahead.

I have a great time with Xiuwen and friends yesterday. They are all a bunch of great people. Thank you for the safe journey yesterday. Indeed she is so appreciative. I'm happy I made her day well. I don't think I am really special. But she love me
Still


Bless today. I want to believe it will be a fruitful day. Even as the day gets busier .. I want to trust in You... Believe that it will be such an awesome day. All things work together for the good of those who Love You. You are awesome God!! Most worthy to be praised!!


Let not my tongue forget to praise. Through all things,.. I know you are faithful and good. And your mercy endures forever.

I love you lord. Love you!

Ng, sent via iphone �
[Godliness with contentment is great gain]

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thank you Jesus



G C
Thank you for the cross, the mighty cross
Am D
That God himself should die for such as us
G G7
And everyday we're changed
C G/B Am
Into your image more and more
C D G C D
Yes, by the cross we've truly been transformed


G C
And we're so amazed and we give you praise
Am D G
That you would save us at such a cost
Em C
And we're so amazed and we give you praise
Am D Em A
For the power of the cross
Am D G
For the power of the cross

Artist: Mark Altrogge
Copyright: 1990 Integrity's Praise! Music

Unproductive

Feel so unproductive with my studies today. So sian that I can't concentrate at all....


I can't understand what I am reading too...

It's so frustrating!


How can I have a breakthrough?

God only you know. If I am at where I am.. And If I am really to shine as a salt and light with these responsibilities I am holding.. I am tellin you God.. I can't do it unless you are with me. And you bless me. Or else I think I really cannot make it.


God I need you!

Ng, sent via iphone �
[Godliness with contentment is great gain]

Sleepy

Can't concentrate in class... Urgh

Ng, sent via iphone �
[Godliness with contentment is great gain]

Saturday, April 23, 2011

tired

so tired..... .



need to be fruitful >:(

Friday, April 22, 2011

buddies night out

hang out with the guys yesterday...

dear told me ytd ... "you always say pple never ask you out... now the guys ask you out.. why not join them ? join them laaa "


and that make so much sense...


its funny. why didn't i just join them yesterday ? its just one night out. and it can temporary take my mind off work and studies.. but i was more concern over my studies then fellowship with them..


anyway its a good meetup. wont say we have alot of heart to heart talk... most of the conversation circled around the upcoming elections and games. ahhhh i feel the lack of topics in our mens talk! I think one of them were quite bored since he is not really into gaming.

maybe the guys here are not doing anything more than just these things huh ?


I feel God made man to take care of things. So we have a pretty deep down need to make sure things run well... that's my perception...

so the lack of meaningful activities could possibly make a guy wander into a fantasy world. like in those games. games these days really mimic reality... and fashioned it in a more exciting, less predictable way. That is why it is like guys are drawn to it. a world they can 'escape' into.

perhaps this could also reveal alittle of what is lacking in men's life these days. lack of vision? or even maybe a wrong vision.

in any sense.. its important to stick on to the narrow way.. that's all i know :)

anyway! i think the men in our cell group need to step out of just gaming..... more meaningful task! Some sports? Mission trip ? i am quite tempted to take up a regular sport after exam! hmmm point to consider.



:) still Thank God for a great meeting yesterday



Thursday, April 21, 2011

Self defense system

God ... I feel like a wretched man. To have hurt my baby like this. I'm not the least supporting her in what I do... I am being my old self.

In my last conversation with her... I put her on a spot.

I am such a fool... Such a fool.

In my bid to defend my heart from further heartaches... I broke hers.

I have been selfish. I need to see things differently.

Indeed God.. I should
Have applied what I read yesterday... This verse is for me..

You said..

Phil 4

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again―rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

God .. I have been a fool...

God... I don't want to live a fool's life anymore. I don't want to let the cycle repeat itself again oh Lord.

This is like a disease. Like every cancer patient fears a relapse.. I feared I will walk into this 'trap' once again. It always start with a wrong negative thought.


So I need to make a point everyday... To confess.


You wash my past like a clean sleet of sheet. I am
Restored and redeemed. Holy spirit.. Rewrite my life with the words of God.

I am no longer Bounded by the chains of my past. I have a future with Christ Jesus. And the people you have set apart for me.

I no longer need to fear. For I know you are for me. You are for me.


In your perfect love.. Let this heart be strengthened.

Ng, sent via iphone �
[Godliness with contentment is great gain]

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

yeps

yeps... im at home again..


spend happy time with my grandma :)



gosh.... i really need to rethink alot of things in my life.


i think i have seen so many people going for exciting activities outside.... it's like they are 'doing' something...


is it just my mindset? am i limiting myself by always telling myself i cant do it?


is it bad planning ? lack of determination to carry out that conviction ?


i see people going for AVIVA trialthon..... Jamming with their friends (oh man..... i wanna jam) .... going for holidays and short trips overseas... gymming....


everyday for me.. its just screen and books. occasionally i update my CMS. call some friends. do some follow ups.


argh. i dunno. i dont expect anyone to understand this feeling in me.


God you got to give me an answer?? IF that is not IT ?? then how should i move on ?? i cant take another step with this dissonance in me. it sucks big time.



Monday, April 18, 2011

have you ever?

have you ever felt that that when you try to speak... your voice is but like a tiny voice in the world? and there is little significance in your words. in what you say? there are flashes of this.. that happens to me today...



its like



Scene

( ^0^)...(hey you know we can do.....) (^_^ ) (HEY.... u noe hor).. (^o ^ )

( +_+)... ........... ( ^o^)..(yea yea.. ahaha i think so too) (bla bla)..(^_^ )


honestly..... i still do not understand. as typical as it is.... there is no big deal in such happenings....


but if it persist over a group conversation again and again



( ^0^)...(errraahhh yes i .... ) ...........( ^o^)( ^.^ ) (^.^ )



( +_+)...




....



( +_+)...



....



( +_+)@!!



in situations like for mr ( +_+) (since he always give this face).... he.... can choose to either be thick skin and find out the flow of the conversation ? in other words blend in...



or simply blend out (like a wallpaper)


so.... do you blend in or blend out?


and if you do blend in... how do you effectively blend in ?

why would anyone blend out?


You are for me

-Kari Jobe







So faithful. So constant.
So loving and so true.
So powerful in all You do.

You fill me. You see me.
You know my every move
and You love for me to sing to You.

I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses

I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are.

So patient, So gracious,
So merciful and true…
So wonderful in all You do.
You know me. You see me.
You know my every move.
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses.
I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.

To remind me that
I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses.
I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are.

I know that You are.






This song is so meaningful... our life are filled with chapters that resounds with his touch .. his presence. to remind us.. of who He is. of who You are.

simply touch my heart. :)

Philipians 3- forgeting, suffering

Philippians 3

The Priceless Value of Knowing Christ
1 Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters,[a] rejoice in the Lord. I never get tired of telling you these things, and I do it to safeguard your faith.

2 Watch out for those dogs, those people who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to be saved. 3 For we who worship by the Spirit of God[b] are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, 4 though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!

5 I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.

7 I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.[c] For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

Pressing toward the Goal
12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

15 Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. 16 But we must hold on to the progress we have already made.

17 Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example. 18 For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. 19They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. 20 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. 21 He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.



i have put myself on a heavy restriction these few days. actually starting from today. not to play any game or watch any drama videos... etc... - except music videos or sermons.


so i ask God what can i do in my free time when i makan?


He said very nicely... "why not read the bible :) ?"


*groan*


haha honestly... that isn't one of my option in leisure time. i have a time set aside for quiet time already.... yea so bible reading isn't part of my plan! but it sure is His plan for me...


I have been reading philipians 1,2,3... these few days... skipping between proverbs and psalms... and i just cant move on until i get something out of it.


Pastor Phil previously touched on a part of this verse. It speaks to me because these very few days i have been thinking again and again on the same things.


"I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ"


there is something about this verse that strikes a note. every time a thought lingers about my secondary school, or when i see my secondary school friend in church. i feel kinda ashame. In my secondary school days... i really do very well in my exams. i am a straight A-student in my core subjects... (except chinese and english... pretty bad at language) .. By the grace of God... a near demotion to EM3 made me worked real hard.. and i was transfered to the top class in my school. there are high hopes then. but... every thing change when i was in JC. i was a slacker... my results plummeted. and the friends that i grew up with now have their own certs and are in their own respectable firms.


ever since my a's i felt i am terribly stupid person.


But the word says that everything that i have seen as valuable- i shall consider them as worthless. The thing that i hold so pridely... i got to let it go.

knowing that someone who touched my soul and gave me a new life is the real important thing.


"I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!"


honestly... this is something i dont think any christian can easily confess... and mean every word he say. suffer with him... sharing in his death...? how do we do that? in real life... i see more christians running to the next holiday...... watch TV everyday... or get stuck with the next iphone game of the day... suffering in Christ is lost in our local context. honestly i myself am much more enthusiastic on getting married with my dear one... soon if God and our family allows...


before i even move to verse 12.. i think want to be clear about this. what is suffering for Christ? sharing his death ?


different translations:

"10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[b]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]

11That if possible I may attain to the [[c]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body]."- amplified


10-11I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it. - the message

i realise somethin. i think in one way or another.. suffering in Christ doesn't come directly. God doesn't want us to suffer :)

It is part of knowing God.


For my determined purpose is that I may know Him..

..and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing

..and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed

..be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself.


This relationship we have with God... is risky. Pastor Kong once said... it will cost you something. but in all that the power of God is there... the grace of God is there. He is there.

Knowing more about you..... fellowship with the things you went through.

I know i am not perfect. But i want to know the power of God that lies deep within all. What i am now.. where i am going .. the people i am facing.. the exams i am about to take... it all has to work and point towards something. God help me realise. i am willing to endure the cross. But please walk through this with me.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Bible Study - Ephesians chapter 4

Ephesians 4

Unity in the Body
1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. 5 There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

7 However, he has given each one of us a special gift[a] through the generosity of Christ. 8 That is why the Scriptures say,

“When he ascended to the heights,
he led a crowd of captives
and gave gifts to his people.”[b]

9 Notice that it says “he ascended.” This clearly means that Christ also descended to our lowly world.[c] 10 And the same one who descended is the one who ascended higher than all the heavens, so that he might fill the entire universe with himself.

11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. 13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

Living as Children of Light
17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.

20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”[d] Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own,[e] guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.


I have been feeling a little dry lately.. i want to get back to consistent studying the word of God. i read a commentary that Christian nowadays feed on Spiritual fast food - magazines, Christian commentaries, Christian music as their means of growing in the lord. The real depth of food is lacking ... which is from the reading of the word of God.


I think it's really easy. really easy to live the life the world enjoys. no responsibilities. no worries. carefree.


i have been hearing podcast... and i have been wondering alot of things. it's like singaporeans life is really really busy. Even for myself... doing the things that i want to do sometimes can be really hard... meeting people. playing guitar.. going out to meet J. to Jam, gg for mission trip/ helping out in community service.... really alot of things i want to do. sometimes i feel grieve that i move so slowly... and people around me are like - graduating.. able to meet friends and chill out at places. and then i see media... the youths from around the world.. they have the time to pursue something they are really interested in. it kinda makes me really sad.


but... today as i read the first part of this chapter... it reminded me of what PAstor Aries shared. there are many kinds of life out there. Even as Christians... there are different level of commitment.. different level of lifestyle.

Paul says " I...... a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God."


what is the most crucial thing isnt really what we do... or where we are. but we must know who we are and where we are going. i am really lost this few days. i feel that i lost my purpose and all.... and when u lose that... it's death. every part of you feel so dead. and you will begin to complain. and i did that.


The life of a christian. is. the life of a pilgrim.



As a CGL my role is

(to be)" the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ."


i have been feeling so inadequate for years.


There are these things i need to do:

1)Be refreshed in the spirit

Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future

There can be no better rest than to lie in the sanctuary of the Holy Spirit.

2) Consecrate

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.


The 2 greatest tool the devil use in the last days is founded in deception and offense. it's happening in our church. in our office. everywhere. but... it starts with the church. and when God disciplines... he will also start from the church.


Its important for me to set myself apart in this area.

- sleep early. ( no night terrors. at night u tend to think alot of funny things)

- filter the media you watch

- keep a open and transparent life.


3) Be filled with the Word of God

" Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy..."

i feel there can be 2 extremes of christianity. Those who do alot.. and are wrap in the cycle of doing and doing... but losing their holiness... their relationship with God. The other extreme is those who are so filled with the word of God.. but they are lazy.. unwilling to serve. They talk the talk but cannot walk the walk.

I want to find a balance between both. it should start with an inward filling. and wolverine once said the best defence is offence. To stop yourself from falling into a 'worldly lifestyle .. or be confused by it'... you attack the spirit realm with the word of God- the sword of the spirit.


I know i am not perfect. i seem to make so many disappointed at times. i often feel i cannot get things right the first time. i have to step on someone's toes at least once..... before i can make right my rln with that person.

But i shall live with wisdom! Now is the time to know and do what i need to do. i have 3 more hours to study my econs before service start. :) i shall chiong

Friday, April 15, 2011

Feeling stress over exam...

I'm afraid I will fail my exams.. :(

I need your grace.... :(

Ng, sent via iphone �
[Godliness with contentment is great gain]

Saturday, April 09, 2011

so tired

just doesnt seem to have enough time...... to do things.


lately... have felt alittle void... like lack of human interactions ?


feel fruitless too.... i dont know. wished i had more time to go visit members or something.

there must be a reson i am in where i am now. like a season thing.


but i just cant understand what i am in now.... and i feel so sian studying and working.


i need strength,