A burdened heart ..

Labour day ... May day ... Well itz quite a day .... i've been thinking about wad happen .. and what my fren has said to me. Basically, i've brought a friend to my church - City Harvest. It's a real nice and cool place to be and i hope that it'll help him destress. Apparently after the service, i've learnt some distressing thing from him. I respect his privacy ... so i'll not mention anything here. But it really shock me. And he told me that it was juz a twinney little part of all of his problems. WEll his problems are not u noe those regular kinda problems. And i really thinks he need help. Honestly i am pretty shock to hear from him all these things. It's not about the number things that he say that shock me. It's just that, he's been sharing so little about him. And juz now he's poured put so much [ which according to him - he emphaised that it's juz a little part of his probs ].

I tried to talk to him. He seems very agitated. I let him let off his steam. He said abit of his past experience. I told him i am real glad that he shared it with me. It shows that he is willing to open up, and most of all it shows that he regard me as his close friend. The bad thing is, he constantly thinks i am sympathising him. I tried to told him [ after many attempts ] that i am not sympathising him and he doesn't need any sympathy. And that the difference between sympathy and concern - that is sympathy is onlu given to strangers .. in people we do not know or have no direct relations to. Concern is what we show towards our loved ones, our buddies or even just a simple friend. Whether he realise it or not i am not sure. I can see that he has lost faith in his friends .. and the people around him. And that he's been constantly hurt by people around him and his loved ones. And he's been living a life full of regrets.

I dunno if he really understands wad i am trying to say. That the more things he tries to hide from his loves ones ... his close friends ... the more he makes people worried ... anxious about him. He thinks he can carry all his burden by himself. He wished to end his life. WEll tell me guys ... if you have a friend that always hover at this thoughts, don't you feel really burdened for him ? Don't you feel that worried for him? I really dunno if he understand how i feel. Well he irritates me abit when he said that i will never understand how he feels. He said i can only imagine or put myself in his shoe but not able to really wear his shoe and understand his situation. I don't realise the full impact he is facing. Well that really caught me off-guard. I definitely din consider that. However, i believe that even though i couldn't be in his shoes .. as long as i can stand by him... to face his problems .. i'll be able help him get by his problems. I am sure no great figure. My words or thoughts or beliefs are not strong enought to change a person. But i sure hope that i will bring about the change by my determination. And that not just by my pure human strength, by the grace of god - he'll pull thru. I've never met someone with so much fustration and burdens in my life. It kinda like remind me of my past. Well i learn to live that i should not let experience determine destiny but rather let it excel me further into a greater purpose. My pastor once said " experience does not cancel your capacity. It should enhance your life and not inhibit your life." I've been trying bery hard to live by and away from my past. It juz stun me once more ... again when my fren shared his problems with me. He thinks that i am counselling him. But in actual fact, am i ever fit to counsel? ALl my life i've been trying to put my past aside. My feeling of incompetency is really overwheming at that point. Wadeva's the case i've prayed about it and i feel much better now. I've officially lifted perhaps some of my past to the lord. Sort of shift it from my heart ... to a cupboard made for me in heaven =). haha abit mushy ar? i feel a blast of cold wind from my window [--]'

To my little friend [if u r viewing this] : I am not trying to compare my situation with you. please understand that wadeva i've said to you .. i meant it from my heart. I am not showing any sympathy ... juz concern. and it'll be good if u be more +ve dun regard people's words as something -ve. Cos more often that not .. u'll miss the great message bhind their words ... and it can reallly mean alot to u than u can ever imagine. And remember 1 thing .. that is wadeva yr true friends do for u ... even though they might defy yr principles and beliefs .. their sole purpose is to see some good come out of u. You have to look beyond your experiences to see that. It's not something that i can tell u and u'll understand. I've no other things else to say. Please treasure yr life and i am sure god has a great purpose in your life. Take care ...