Just another day in SAJC

Yea.... i am bloggin live at SAJC .. wahhahaha. [--]'. Today is a pretty cool day for me. Considering that i slept at 3.30 am last nite, i am amazed at my enormous store of eneryg that i've been tapping thru-out the day. I just had a lecture test which totally blew my head off. Well since i had alittle abit of time, i shall ramble abit about what really touched my soul yesterday.

* warpz to a day earlier *
The day began we chapelin ... and yes the saints began to sing the usual hymn. Well shortly after that, the pastor began to preach and said a prayer for the late principle of St MArgret's whom died earlier last week. He began to preach about life's journey and the choices we have come to make. He began to said something about a T-shirt which has a phrase [which i sorta forgot ironically :P]. Well wat really impacted me is not about what he preach. It's about the questions he posed at the end of his preaching. He asked the non-christians in the college to try to question or ask their christian friends .. wad's the one thing that god has did for my life that has change us ... Well my friends wasted no time. they began questioning about the beliefs i held ... the embezzlement of the funds ... and most importantly, what god has change in my life that has led me to accept christ.

Well, it's kinda powerful men. All of friends start targetting me .. and really "persecute" me thru-out the day. Well it's like when u haven finish answering one question, they start coming up with more. They get so hyped-up when it comes to questioning the beliefs of christianity. I've been like their sole dart-board that their intensely firing at. That's actually the least of my concern. my main concern is the one question which has really struck me and all my bliefs that lil' morning => what has god done in my life that really change me. To many christian friends, many could say .. u noe attitude , character, or the pulling-thru of a crisis. I search my whole heart yesterday morning. I've tried to remember all wad Children church has taught me. Since young. i've been going to church as a regular seeker of christ. Actually, iin my childhood days, christianity is nothing more to me but spending time with my friends and listening to stories. Serious ... that's all i thot abt christianity. As i approach more and more to teen-hood, i've backslided. Totally lost track with god. No cell-group. No sunday church service. Tat's me

As i draw away from the lord, i felt this sudden emptiness. This is something which brings doubts and many question to my life. Questinos like is that really such a god? Why am i just hearing things ... seeing things .. but not really feelin them happen in my life? Yea i noe the answer to all these questions. But the point is i've been so doubt-filled. It's like there is a inner-demmon in me, my presumption ... totally not cool. It's veen really a tormenting experience to me constantly feeling one way and another. When i have a heart that believes and a heart that doubts. That sometimes, i cant even ans questions liek wat significant change that christ has done in my life which my non-christian friends ain't experiencing. Living my faith is the currecny in the spiritual world. Somehow, my heart begans wo wonder what if everything is just a fraud. There are times which i just feel so different from others. There are times which i filled burden for my friends. There are times which the feelin of incompetency is just too overwhelming.

I am still searching deep in my heart for this answers. Now what is the stupid thing about me ? I cant say that i will be able to ans all my questions be'cause i may feel this way for a day ... and the next day i will just forget what has happened. Funny me. Somehwo i feel that someone is playing with my feelings. But dun worry guys, i will not allow myself to backslide because of just this doubts. The pastor has said that even one of the disciple was doubt-filled when he walk on water towards jesus ... he eventuallly become a mighty world-shaker and history-maker went he wsa mention in the bible about his evangelistic work. I truelly feel the warmth of god at times ... but somehow ... something is holding me back ...

*warps back to reality*

Gonna go to cell-group soon. :)