Keep (Guard) your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.
- Pro 4:23
In the last few days... things were alittle topsy turvy for me..
I felt really low in life. It's like the devil had plan it all up. I was feeling pretty alright the whole day. Wanted to send Elaine off 'gloriously'! without too much 'boo-hoos' and 'sniffings arnd. But it turns out someone down there had plan something for me that day.
First, we met up at popeyes as a group earlier. I felt alittle different.. and unnatural being there. And actually, i've got this feeling too at a farewell lunch with Elaine and her ex-colleagues. It's like a fish out of water feeling. But very soon after, that feeling 'evolved' abd i became negative and pessismistic over remarks by my friends. It really sucks to feel this way.
Then as we took pictures and say farewell... i suddenly felt very incompetent to take over the responsibility of taking care of cell group. Became very self-aware of my weaknesses .. (as if it's the only thing on earth i have and im doomed to die with it) and seriously ... the thoughts are heart-piercing. Eventually i suppress everything and there and then (which i eventually realise).. i just reformed my emotional wall. Defences were up. I became shutdown in order to stop these hurts. It took quite a toll in my communication. and the way i behave the next few days. And with the upcoming Valentine's day.. it feels like i will never do a enjoy and get something nice for Mavis. All these thoughts really crushes ya spirit. So really it's important to examine ya thoughts before it becomes full-blown , ravaging and out of control!
So Thank God. Guard ya heart. For out of it flows... the issue of life.
I really miss Elaine. Without her shelter ... it feels naked. That's how Mavis tried to explain what i am going through. but it's alright! everything will work out and she'll be back soon! And our cg will have multiplied with 40 over members by then! yeeha
No comments:
Post a Comment