Sad Sad world.

[ personal ramblings ]





this might be my very very last entry before my A's.






well why am i back here?






i should damn well be studying... but i just want to pen down .. or type down this thoughts.







I am a real cry baby. I am just another silly boy.








Have you often wonder why should you live on ... on this world? For what reason should our existence be maintained?








I've wondered about this at least a thousand times....







I don't know what came upon me today. But i got reminded of my painful past again. i was really unable ...







I was so hurt today. Who in this world ever care?








I gave up hope on humans long ago. That's why Jesus is my only truest friend.









But i'm glad to say i have not given up totally on humans. I embrace a pretty painful thought. Some of you might know ... that is no matter how bad a person might seem to be .. i believe there is always some good in them.








This is a painful belief i can tell you.








Because so much so .... your mind .....your friends and your surroundings tells you that the person is bad, you go on foolishly believing and hanging on to some invinsible goodness in them.









i can't explain the logic behind this foolish belief. But the only answer i give to my friends is that ... if you go on to believe that a person is bad .. he will be what you conceive him to be.








I back this theory with real-life examples, biblical reasonings .. so on and so forth. But all the time, i feel that i am the only one hanging on to such a belief.

---

during my reflections..








I got reminded of one of my great wish to God during my secondary school days...









I remembered the pain of being back-stabbed. The pain of studying in school with hypocrites. The pain that my family brought to me. The pain of lonliness. The pain of living...







There and then.. i cried almost every other day. Because there was no comforter with me.









Suicidal thoughts reign in my head everyday back then.








Well i've accepted the fact this is a sad sad world.







because of a very simple fact that was born in the early beginning of life








Selfishness.










I prayed for true friends to be in my life every single day..












i said to God .. a buddy please. or how about a girlfriend ?








God said nothing.








all the way till awhile after ... i got to know another sad truth.









I realise that best friends can turn against each other. Girlfriends .. aren't any better.









We live in a very selfish world.










But ever wonder something? we aren't the only victims of selfishness?









Selfishness breeds selfishness.








I have done so much for people and it was never appreciated. i was scolded. and i was left alone to run on a journey with no support.






but the truth of the matter is .. there are lots of people who have done much for me too. but i was too careless to notice. negligence maybe.







i hear people complain about their parents. that they don't understand their kid's to have fun and experience life.






But have these kids realise how painful it is to be a parents. To make unpopular family decisions .. to survive in the working world for the sake of the family...







i was once such a brat.








Or how about complains about a friend who is simply piss you off ..








how about this question .. how many times have you piss off another person?







There are so many unthought questions.








no. not really unthought. more of briskly ignored. regarded as simply too trivial.








no one would care.










that's why.










why am i saying all these?









because many times i have prayed to God to do one thing for me.







remove me from this sad sad world. i don't wish to ever exist ... not in heaven or hell or in this world.







it's simply too difficult to live on. i just wanna run away.








but where can i run away ..... from myself?

---

Life is not a race. It's a journey.










what kind of journey?








it is a journey not to be ran, it is a journey to be enjoyed.









not at the cost of others, nor the benefit of self.








It has to be run along with others, with the removal of selfish barriers.








now ..







I can say Jesus is not my only friend now.








There has always been a crowd cheering behind me.








even if there can be people who deeply hurt me, or disappoint me..










I know that one day they will soon join the crowd to cheer behind me.







thanks again fellows.

Worried

[ personal ramblings ]




this might be one of my last posts for awhile.




i'm happy of the things that happen during this year. Some are encouraging. Some are well painful.





I treasure those experiences my friends.






For now i really feel inate. I really am drowned with what's up ahead.












this is my time table planned long ago. It has not been taken into full effect yet.
How procastinating am i .. ain't it?




I have a couple of challenges now.


1)I have no study breaks at all for my examinations.

This is my examination schedule.

1) Biology paper 4 (Practical) - 25/10
2) Chemistry Paper 4 (Practical) - 27/10
3) Maths Paper 1 - 8/11
4) Biology Paper 2 - 8/11
5) Chemistry paper 3 - 9/11
6) Maths Paper 2 - 10/11
7) Chemistry Paper 2 - 15/11
8) Chemistry Paper 1 - 18/11
9) Biology Paper 3 - 21/11
10) Biology Paper 1 - 24/11

I only have 12 days of leave. That means i only have 2 days to spare just for studying a whole day.

2) I can't practise for my practicals.

3) My unit has much work to do. My team will be currently short of one man-power very soon. I am just afraid something bad will happen that will hinder my studies.

4) I am not sure i can use 2 certs to select my university courses. I heard from my friend that i cannot.. This info is a pretty bad news. Before i choose to retake .. i remembered someone telling me that the better result will be chosen from either of the cert. sighs..



It's all work now...



I really need His grace..

Another Week's Update

[ personal ramblings ]





I am sick. sighz .... : (





Shall keep the entry short.





[ picture entries ]



Shachah's 1st month on Earth.























Taking pictures with the Star.

Shachach is a hebrew name.

A name for worship :)

very nice name rite ?





Gratz Chua and Jocelyn!!


God bless this dear lamb of the family..





Pictures of me and my follow-ups.









11 September.

Army Half Marathon (AHM 2005)






[ photo from Jo's Cam. ] Btw i'm not acting businessman!!


























I met one of my SAJC hockey mates. Apparently this vehicle died on him.
So in the end i hopped in to help them steer while they push the vehicle from behind :P




If Prem can do it, So can you!. lol...





Me and Prem took the long walk of 12 Km. [6 km more than what we are supposed to walk]

The embarassing thing is we were the last to arrived.

Even our Colonel of my unit have to wait for us. [ paiseh -_-" ]





The cool thing is we get to see more things :)

The pictures were taken in chronological order.



I met alot of SAJCians and 1 new town fren! :)





cheers.

hope i am better from my flu tmr...

S53 - ing

[ personal ramblings ]


















Once students of St Andrew Junior College.







0 - 3 - s -5 - 3 is our name.







Now, sharing tales of Singapore Armed Forces.







Common Dream we share : ORD.








A pretty fun good time we had :)













[ Pictures from Hong's Cam-phone ]


- more in flickr -

Passion of the flame.

[ spiritual walk ]




Today i gave a pretty comforting word during worship in cell group. Something that i wasn't very sure at first. But it has come to practise for our cell group ....... or for our church - that is to act by faith ...


I got an impression of a fire that burns brightly at night. And immediately i thought of the song .. Consuming Fire by Hillsong United. That fire that consumes our very soul ... that fire that signifies our Encounter with Him. The flame that is everlasting ....

---

This week's message was excellent. I felt that the message was very revelational to me. It's teaching me how to make my final sprint in the last lap of my race this year. I am really exhausted. Sick of work. Sick of troubles. More than anyone can understand .... except for my God. That's why i am very encouraged by the message. It reminds me of the point of reference that was set long ago. My encounters with God. As far as i can remember ... i had many encounters ... the most powerful ones are ..

1) the encounter at Ps Benny Hinn's healing crusade.

2) Encounter at Ps Mike's service.

3) Powerhouse in Church.



Those are the ones that set me to tears or filled my heart with Joy. Some encounters teaches you lessons.. Some are just plainly unexplainable. It's like a touch that makes you feel blessed. Either way, it's just an amazing journey this year. From the point of reference of my very first re-dedication [salvation], to the chain of events that lead me to who i am today.... i feel so filled with that fire again. Consuming fire .. fanned into flames ..





I went back for my very own powerhouse today ... and that which is in my house.




I began my work of seeking. and had another encounter once more.








that's when i realise the leader's words rings well. rings very true.




















that passion can never be satisfied.

---

[ amazing webz ]

Interview with Chris Tomlin. - How great is Our God.


[ from the "very smart" Joel - thx alot dude. i luv it.]



Be blessed. He is one of my favourite artistes.









cheerz.

Blog day 2005.

[ personal ramblings ]

awwww. It starts as soon as it ends.

Its September the 1st, so ... I guess i missed it.





No time to participate in the event. I would love to check out overseas bloggers ... but with the commitment i have now ....

But well next year i can participate in it ! :)







I can hardly breathe nowadays. A Levels is coming real soon. sighz...