Times of hardship are only gonna make you stronger ..

Well firstly, i wanna say CONGRATZ .. too all my fellow friends who have received their o-level results ... so far ... from wat i heard .... all have done better than my o's ... hmm something must be wrong >_< .. Nevertheless .. if tat particular person i noe din do well and is reading my blog now ... just wanna say dun give up .... cos .... refer to above .... its not just a revelation from god .... its a propelling force that i believe anyone can apply in their life in the future.

Well another thing i wanna say is ... i've quited hockey .... severed all ties to it.... Reasons ?
1) Lost of interest
2) Inconfident of getting into team ... [b'cos i skipped a number of trainings (--)" ]
3) Need to re-direct my goals and focus now
Men i noe some might feel that i am a quiter .... but i just wanna say i need to find something more meaningful or at least something that i feel happy doing and not b'cos of just for the sake of doing it. I have been a real real bad example as a christian in my past 1 yr in JC life .. seriously .. honestly .. and sadly ..... ~~ which brings me to my next point

Cell Group
Cell group today was a real disaster for me at first. It sorta brought about alot of feelings and thought at one go in my mind thru the whole sermon - which are not good. My incompetency, lack of faith, inferiority, disappointment and fustration all come into me at once. Its like being in a school lecture .. when your frens share with you a bad news ... one after another .... how can u concentrate on the sermon. But the strange and encouraging thing is that the sermon speaks about the power of our Father .. more specifically speaking in tongues ... it reinforces and reminds me the power and significance of tongues in our Christian faith.
Being depressed throughout the whole sermon ... I've have the burning desire to tell Karista how i feel and how the devil is torturing me ... At the end of the sermon ... we isolated ourselves from the group and i poured out my feelin's and thots to her ...

She listens and smiles ... seemin to know wat i am about to say or the idea i was trying to bring up ... so wat's the whole fuss abt ? ... Well i dun mind sharing one or two out of the millions of thoughts ... One of it includes wat my GP teacher told us in class today.. well i sorta feel she is anti-christ though she din use strong words against my faith. The problem is i can't really argue with her ... not that she is right ,... but b'cos I've not been a good example myself. I've been in a trance thru'out Gp lesson and i feel like a boy all by himself .. Drowning in a swimming pool. Depressed . It's hard to map out my feelings at that time. But I've been noticing that i have always been comparing myself with others.. not that i wanna copy them but I've always felt .. grrrr alone .... all thru the years ... A really depressing teenage ... though i have laughs once in a while with my frens .. somehow i dun feel close to them, ... close to anyone ... not even my parents .... Well i aint gonna turn this blog to a self-pity or anger-trashing thingy ... I din managed to conveyed to my cell group leader .. karista how I've been feelin this whole 1 year .... But she told me a lot of things which i think is enuff for this moment to drive me past for a breakthrough. Words that i'll never forget is to learn to do things that are urgent/important/or needed to do and not to depend totally on my feelings .. in fact... I've been always telling myself .. and in sec sch days ... my friends " do not let your emotions control your thinking ... rather let yr faith and understanding affect yr decisions." She also shared about victorious living in christ ... having trust .. truth and thanksgiving .. :) she really enlighten me alot today. After the talk .. Chua and karista lay hands on me and prayed for me. After that .. Chua gave me a warm brotherly hug ... =) its warm

Well god has really showed grace thru' this period .... i need to repent on my back-sliding ... and further more Thank you lord for feeling me the warmth in my heart in times of cold and darkness :). I'll continue to long for this warmth ..