Quit

I quit my job today.



I was kinda sad and fustrated today.



I found a secret spot to shed some tears today. to release all that fustration and burdens in me.



felt really much better. but these thoughts keep crossing my mind .. that i am a trouble-maker... that i cause more problems in my work. the lack of value in there... and team spirit really drowned me at some point.



but u noe what i pressed on ... sometimes thinking am i should be like Job.



In a sense at the end of it all ... i realise i have a great need for love and appreciation.



and the end of the day i realise another few things of myself :


1) my communication skills (with working adults) is not there. kinda like we flow with different expectations and desires. im in the world but hardly in their lives.

2) im still thirsty for love and appreciation. something that cannot be gain simply from human relations. if people refuse to give me .. its ok. i can get a better one with no strings attached ... i needa seek it out from God.

3) that God is nice. Im thankful for all the nice people he place in my lives despite it all.


4) i needa spend more time in prayer. to lay aside my setbacks and look in more to God.




It grieves me that i am not able to make an impact in peoples lives. Somehow it seems to show that people are better off without me.... this i cried out to God .... that i know is not His will. But why do i keep feeling this way ... ( and in the reality of my workplace it seems so ). I really wanna make things better for people ... and it disappoints me when things happen the opposite way.



God im nothing ... but make me something out of my imperfectness.

Just another post

Its been close to 2 months since i've written here.



you know what's cool about keepin a private online diary. Its that nobody knows. In a world where our views, our personalities can be so easily confused. Where heartfelt opinions are so easily drowned by views of others... hmmm kinda deep here. Its ok if you dun understand. Cos sometimes Jason *don't get it either* ;)



There's times when i ride on the ocean's crest.... man i tell you i soar.



And there are days where its like every surfer's nightmare. im stuck in a whirlpool of trouble.



Its so sickening. And it all comes down to this i believe. How much you really spend time with God. My trouble seems nothing when He's with me. But like any senseless sheep i sometimes wonder away.... and there he sits lookin at me run away. For a moment i felt free. yea tat moment was short-lived.



The amazing thing i wanna say is that .... like how shephard never gives up on sheeps, God never gives up on you and me. He smiles and waits for you to return. He's always waiting. Sometimes he comes to find you when you silly-ly (pardon my singlish pls) stuck your feet into a wrong hole. and you cry like every helpless kid. He comes over. And sometimes... when you are lost. or probably you seem to just lose him. Its like he was never there. But a mature sheep knows He is still waiting for you. You got to come to Him now.



Life is full of inspirations. I love how God arrange mine in such a way when i look around and see, i can smile and say " amen. "



My troubles seem so little when i place them beside you. Though i often i ask myself how can it be, that your grace is just enough for me. I know eventually, that all things will work out for me. yea.