I just watch a show on Discovery Channel while ironing clothes. I don't know what's the title (i bum into the show midway). But i was quite surprised that they portray it like a scary movie. I mean a documentary that looks like " I know what you did last summer! " ... that surely caught my interest.
The show is about an interview with a family who had a bad experience in 1 of their apartments. It wasn't an ordinary bad experience. It has to do with spirits.
From the onset i watched, they recounted the events that take place in that house. First, it was the voices they heard in the daughter's bedroom. The young girl in her teens began to complain about the strange noises she heard and that the house is weird. The mother confessed too that there is a heaviness in the air ... and she heard voices too. She began to share with her husband but he wouldn't listen as he never witness any of that. He sticks to science and brushes everything off with a simple " I'm sure there's a logical explanation behind it".
Eventually, there comes one night after a while.. the mom experienced a choking experience in the room in the night. She begin to started repeating a verse in latin ..... something she doesn't understand.... and she behaves like she's been strangled. The incident grew even more bizzare when one night, the daughter heard cold whispers in her ears.. she got up from her bed and when she look back she saw a floating head next to her. O_O Quite scary.
Eventually, after the numerous unexplainable incidents ... and to no avail in convincing his husband of their plight, she decided to do a search on a net and she located a paranormal investigation squad that specialises in the paranormal incidents. The man on the phone was pretty convinced they are dealing with spirits and he (though not a christian) consulted a Bishop before proceeding to California to find that family. He brought together his team of people ... together with high-tech equipments that is used to sense things that cannot be detected by our 5 senses. Infrared sensors, Magnetifield sensors, Microphones that can detect noises much below the audio frequencies detected by our ear ... and a whole lot of sophisticated junkies. :) The amazing thing is he said he isn't a christian .. but look at the things he do later ( i'll share at later part). Before coming, he prepared himself by fasting for 9 days! He says to defeat something evil... you have to be really good.
Their first night stay was kinda scary. I thought with more people, there will be less incidents. But no ... on the first night, one lady was up on the shift ( they take turns to monitor the house for any supernatural activities happening in their midst) ... they suddenly all hear a "pop" loud sound and they were all woken up. Suddenly, the man (from the paranormal investigation squad) was brought from a horizontal position to a vertical position like a stick from ground being lifted up! He cannot explained what happen but the people all around all were shocked. Okay i wanna fast forward all this since it is getting late..
Eventually they were convinced a demon is leaving among their midst. When they consulted their neighours earlier about the previous house owners before the family .. they learned that there was a lady which practises cult-like rituals in their stay. They began to perform a exorcism ritual on the house.... and guess what ? They began to call on the name of the Lord from the Holy scriptures! So much for being a free-thinker but using the name of the Lord to cast out evil spirits. They began to go around the house praying and burning holy incense (as mentioned in the tabernacle series in the bible). *zoom to the end* The family was relieved the demon is gone and they have sent it back to hell . There was a huge resistance by the demon btw... (If you have seen our pastors cast out demon in our church you'll understand. It's something like that..) They were still traumatised by the experience so when they had enough money .. they bought a new home.
Now as i see this show ... i was quite shaken inside .. yet something in me click in place. It's like what Ps Benny Hinn says .... when light comes into darkness... darkness flees!! Light and darkness cannot cohabit with each other. Where there is darkness ... there is no light. But when light comes.... where shall darkness hide? No where! God has won the battle. Though day by day we continue to fight the fight of faith .... and sometimes in the walk ... we lose faith.... but He tells me that it's done. I cannot fall into deceit. No darkness can prevail when light comes. I am feeling spiritually weak this week... but He assures me that i should walk by faith and not by sight.
Thank God for your redeeming grace. I will fight the good fight ... and even as non-christians acknowledged your name ... i know truly there is power in the name of Jesus. :) Thank you for showing me the way again.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Character and people.
Its just a day before emerge. Cant say i was very excited. Cant say i am burning with passion. Urg its weird. But i want to catch something tomorrow. Something in life that i'll never forget. Think as i type now, the ushers should be packing up. My CG mates and other church mates busily preparing and praying for success in tomorrow's POS. What a day it will be tomorrow! Must sleep early!
I went to Fuji Xerox towers just now for a job interview with Prudential. Apparently someone gave my name their company to do a character analysis. The company is expanding their workforce and recruiting new Prudential Advisers .... hence they are looking through contacts of people to recruit people. The interview is simple but quite unique. She mentioned about the pros of commission based job with them .... and how i can rise based on my hard work. But of course their work leans on selling "schemes" or plans for people. And certain people have a better edge because of their personality. So we did the classic "DISC" test.
So it turns out i am a high S and C person ... a low I and super low D guy. In short in translate to a more systematic Objective thinker. The 2 other job titles for this test are Specialists and something something. Basically people with D and I will perform naturally better because when it comes to marketing and sales, they can convince people and relate to them the benefits better. I supposed they are more of the extroverts. The review she let me read for an Objective thinker is surprisingly accurate review about my personality. The good points for me is that i seek out the truth, and tend to do research and make things right. The cons are the introvert attitude .. where ideas and feelings are often left deep in my mind unexpressed.
A short snipplet of DISC profile personality test.
Dominance: People who score high in the intensity of the 'D' styles factor are very active in dealing with problems and challenges, while low D scores are people who want to do more research before committing to a decision. High "D" people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering. Low D scores describe those who are conservative, low keyed, cooperative, calculating, undemanding, cautious, mild, agreeable, modest and peaceful.
Influence: People with High I scores influence others through talking and activity and tend to be emotional. They are described as convincing, magnetic, political, enthusiastic, persuasive, warm, demonstrative, trusting, and optimistic. Those with Low I scores influence more by data and facts, and not with feelings. They are described as reflective, factual, calculating, skeptical, logical, suspicious, matter of fact, pessimistic, and critical.
Steadiness (Submission in Marston's time): People with High S styles scores want a steady pace, security, and don't like sudden change. Low S intensity scores are those who like change and variety. High S persons are calm, relaxed, patient, possessive, predictable, deliberate, stable, consistent, and tend to be unemotional and poker faced. People with Low S scores are described as restless, demonstrative, impatient, eager, or even impulsive.
Conscientiousness (Compliance in Marston's time): Persons with High C styles adhere to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. High C people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, tactful. Those with Low C scores challenge the rules and want independence and are described as self-willed, stubborn, opinionated, unsystematic, arbitrary, and careless with details.
I scored 16 for Dominance, 12 - Influence, 48 - Steadiness, 24 -Compliance. Test taken from http://www.mtselect.co.uk/testing/DISC.htm
After the interview, i went to a nearby Job recruitment agency to apply for a job. One thing that worries me constantly is i do not have any office attires. I am not sure if my formal clothes i wear to usher is okay because i hardly see anyone wear that sort of attire in offices. Most wear light blue, green, or white shirt with a simple neat tie. Plus i lost my army shoes .... urgh I don't wanna ask money from my stingy grandma. So maybe i can borrow some money and buy and then repay after i get my first pay check. :)
As i drop by the library, i read some cool testimonies from True (Singapore) Files about how lives are miraculously changed. One story talked about a man who suffered low self esteem and never found love and comfort .... and he constantly had sexual thoughts over men. Not a very bright situation. But as he met church mates who actually sit there to listen and share with him, he gradually finds light in his situation. Though it was a tough walk, he made it through with intensive counceling and care of the people around him.
I grew to wonder about a few things of our Church and other churches in Singapore. Not saying that i am comparing God's work ... but i just want to understand more of the reality in the world i am in. My Church - City Harvest can be said as the coolest place in town. Not because we specialised in entertainment, but rather works of excellence that pleases God. Whatever for? This is the modern translation of being on fire with God. We worship God with everything that we had. We give passionately. We meet people passionately. We stand up for truths... and yea we do our best in being Christian. But even more importantly, we want to be closer with Him. And we are willing to obey the mandate given to the church.
That's the good part in being a big church with strong spiritual foundations and great leaders. But somehow, i wonder if we, actually do simple things like have house to house fellowship? Like going up to someone's house specially just to pray for the person ? I see that in books. But somehow i do not know if it can happen in our church.
some random ramblings..
I went to Fuji Xerox towers just now for a job interview with Prudential. Apparently someone gave my name their company to do a character analysis. The company is expanding their workforce and recruiting new Prudential Advisers .... hence they are looking through contacts of people to recruit people. The interview is simple but quite unique. She mentioned about the pros of commission based job with them .... and how i can rise based on my hard work. But of course their work leans on selling "schemes" or plans for people. And certain people have a better edge because of their personality. So we did the classic "DISC" test
So it turns out i am a high S and C person ... a low I and super low D guy. In short in translate to a more systematic Objective thinker. The 2 other job titles for this test are Specialists and something something. Basically people with D and I will perform naturally better because when it comes to marketing and sales, they can convince people and relate to them the benefits better. I supposed they are more of the extroverts. The review she let me read for an Objective thinker is surprisingly accurate review about my personality. The good points for me is that i seek out the truth, and tend to do research and make things right. The cons are the introvert attitude .. where ideas and feelings are often left deep in my mind unexpressed.
A short snipplet of DISC profile personality test.
Influence: People with High I scores influence others through talking and activity and tend to be emotional. They are described as convincing, magnetic, political, enthusiastic, persuasive, warm, demonstrative, trusting, and optimistic. Those with Low I scores influence more by data and facts, and not with feelings. They are described as reflective, factual, calculating, skeptical, logical, suspicious, matter of fact, pessimistic, and critical.
Steadiness (Submission in Marston's time): People with High S styles scores want a steady pace, security, and don't like sudden change. Low S intensity scores are those who like change and variety. High S persons are calm, relaxed, patient, possessive, predictable, deliberate, stable, consistent, and tend to be unemotional and poker faced. People with Low S scores are described as restless, demonstrative, impatient, eager, or even impulsive.
Conscientiousness (Compliance in Marston's time): Persons with High C styles adhere to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. High C people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, tactful. Those with Low C scores challenge the rules and want independence and are described as self-willed, stubborn, opinionated, unsystematic, arbitrary, and careless with details.
I scored 16 for Dominance, 12 - Influence, 48 - Steadiness, 24 -Compliance. Test taken from http://www.mtselect.co.uk/testing/DISC.htm
After the interview, i went to a nearby Job recruitment agency to apply for a job. One thing that worries me constantly is i do not have any office attires. I am not sure if my formal clothes i wear to usher is okay because i hardly see anyone wear that sort of attire in offices. Most wear light blue, green, or white shirt with a simple neat tie. Plus i lost my army shoes .... urgh I don't wanna ask money from my stingy grandma. So maybe i can borrow some money and buy and then repay after i get my first pay check. :)
As i drop by the library, i read some cool testimonies from True (Singapore) Files about how lives are miraculously changed. One story talked about a man who suffered low self esteem and never found love and comfort .... and he constantly had sexual thoughts over men. Not a very bright situation. But as he met church mates who actually sit there to listen and share with him, he gradually finds light in his situation. Though it was a tough walk, he made it through with intensive counceling and care of the people around him.
I grew to wonder about a few things of our Church and other churches in Singapore. Not saying that i am comparing God's work ... but i just want to understand more of the reality in the world i am in. My Church - City Harvest can be said as the coolest place in town. Not because we specialised in entertainment, but rather works of excellence that pleases God. Whatever for? This is the modern translation of being on fire with God. We worship God with everything that we had. We give passionately. We meet people passionately. We stand up for truths... and yea we do our best in being Christian. But even more importantly, we want to be closer with Him. And we are willing to obey the mandate given to the church.
That's the good part in being a big church with strong spiritual foundations and great leaders. But somehow, i wonder if we, actually do simple things like have house to house fellowship? Like going up to someone's house specially just to pray for the person ? I see that in books. But somehow i do not know if it can happen in our church.
some random ramblings..
Monday, May 28, 2007
GDOP.
GDOP stands for Global day of prayer.
Wonder if everyone was praying all around the world on the same day we gathered at National Stadium..
It was a pretty interesting event .... well at least its something u dun get to see every week at expo. It was a pretty slow-paced event ... but it was good. Ushered with Jarrett through the meeting.
The event wasn't as packed as i thought. But well, i think everyone enjoyed praying together that day. A praying nation is hmmmm... i dunno. A mighty nation!!!
A hot day followed by a breezy night.
we are far far far away from stage....
prayer partner.
Wonder if everyone was praying all around the world on the same day we gathered at National Stadium..
It was a pretty interesting event .... well at least its something u dun get to see every week at expo. It was a pretty slow-paced event ... but it was good. Ushered with Jarrett through the meeting.
The event wasn't as packed as i thought. But well, i think everyone enjoyed praying together that day. A praying nation is hmmmm... i dunno. A mighty nation!!!
A hot day followed by a breezy night.
we are far far far away from stage....
prayer partner.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Wonder
hmm..
I could be a bird in the sky....
and ride the thermal drifts to the horizon.
I could be a fish in the sea...
and enjoy the splendors of the deep.
I could be an ignorant ant...
that works and works day by day.
Or I could be just me.
A spectator in the wonders of your creation.
That knows the true value of life itself is in you.
Thank God for making me, me. Your faith in me taught me to believe..
My granny nags again. Early morning nagging is not good for your brain.
She tells me if i do not want to study, go get a job. Ahh but i'm already doing it. It's just that i have not told her yet. Thinking about all of it all .... i somehow dwell back into the past where those hurtful words were said to me. I can still remember those words! It's hard to let go.... but to hold on to spiteful emotions is harder. Because the damage it does to my heart is immeasurable. Forgiving is also an art to master.
Jobs jobs jobs ........ i need a job.
I could be a bird in the sky....
and ride the thermal drifts to the horizon.
I could be a fish in the sea...
and enjoy the splendors of the deep.
I could be an ignorant ant...
that works and works day by day.
Or I could be just me.
A spectator in the wonders of your creation.
That knows the true value of life itself is in you.
Thank God for making me, me. Your faith in me taught me to believe..
My granny nags again. Early morning nagging is not good for your brain.
She tells me if i do not want to study, go get a job. Ahh but i'm already doing it. It's just that i have not told her yet. Thinking about all of it all .... i somehow dwell back into the past where those hurtful words were said to me. I can still remember those words! It's hard to let go.... but to hold on to spiteful emotions is harder. Because the damage it does to my heart is immeasurable. Forgiving is also an art to master.
Jobs jobs jobs ........ i need a job.
Going..
I went to search for a job today .... and ironically .... i do not know the name of the company ... or the exact location of the venue.... but i just went and followed the lead of my contact...
Turns out to be a sales job with this company - DW Group. Throughout the intro and interview (round1), thoughts of " Is this another MLM conspiracy ??? or would this be another NTI experience" keep running through the back of my mind.... i feel alittle paranoid there but as he explained more about the job.... i realised is another job with Sales.
Great!
I don't like sales job. The last time a seemingly nice com-guy con me into this job of selling computers .... with promises that we will sell at least 20 over plus computers.. wow! and guess what ... our top owner sold only 11 computers. I sold 5 coms thru the whole com-fair and well ... bygones bygones... i forgive the guy .... and sales probably is not my cup of tea. I don't know.... but i really wanna get a job .... a good paying job with a bank. Maybe i can lower my expectations on the pay part but i wanna know how the banking world is like and whether its my passion to work in bank. So i message all my friends in banks if there are vacancies .... but sadly there are no good news yet.
ahhh nvm. I got to keep trying. I want 1 year of work experience before i choose to further my studies. Hopefully the experience will prove useful ... or even better help me to understand my calling on the way. Pastor always say that the signs and wonders are in the market place. Its not reserved specially just for synagogues or church meetings.... but God longs to move mightily among the people in the world. I just hope that i will not get too much of office politics =/
Thank God for your sustenance. Truly by your grace, i have the ability to serve in the cg again. And by your mercy, i found peace. God with all that i have, i pray that i will have more of you in my life. For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Thank you Jesus.
Turns out to be a sales job with this company - DW Group. Throughout the intro and interview (round1), thoughts of " Is this another MLM conspiracy ??? or would this be another NTI experience" keep running through the back of my mind.... i feel alittle paranoid there but as he explained more about the job.... i realised is another job with Sales.
Great!
I don't like sales job. The last time a seemingly nice com-guy con me into this job of selling computers .... with promises that we will sell at least 20 over plus computers.. wow! and guess what ... our top owner sold only 11 computers. I sold 5 coms thru the whole com-fair and well ... bygones bygones... i forgive the guy .... and sales probably is not my cup of tea. I don't know.... but i really wanna get a job .... a good paying job with a bank. Maybe i can lower my expectations on the pay part but i wanna know how the banking world is like and whether its my passion to work in bank. So i message all my friends in banks if there are vacancies .... but sadly there are no good news yet.
ahhh nvm. I got to keep trying. I want 1 year of work experience before i choose to further my studies. Hopefully the experience will prove useful ... or even better help me to understand my calling on the way. Pastor always say that the signs and wonders are in the market place. Its not reserved specially just for synagogues or church meetings.... but God longs to move mightily among the people in the world. I just hope that i will not get too much of office politics =/
Thank God for your sustenance. Truly by your grace, i have the ability to serve in the cg again. And by your mercy, i found peace. God with all that i have, i pray that i will have more of you in my life. For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Thank you Jesus.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Struggle
Oh God.....
Who can stand righteous before you o Lord?
Who can share the intimate (secret) things of God ....??
O Lord i have sin against you. and against you only have i sinned.I know that many are called but few are chosen.
It is so hard to walk in the path i need to walk Lord.
But God can i experience you even more intimately than before? Despite what my caretakers say, i have forgo it all to follow you... And yet i do not want to disappoint yet another person.. my loved ones. And i know i have constantly upset you with my sins and pride.
But God you say you are forgiving and just....
and it will take time to forge back our friendship of trust.
Lord i will perservere for the upward call of God...
seeking Jesus, my author and finisher of faith...
with the help of the Holy spirit my advocate,
I will wanna see blue skies with that rainbow u made for Noah..and the love you gave to all your dearest beloved children abba Father..
Do not forsake me again for i am alone in this spiritual battle.
I still want to be a man of God. A friend of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Not my will but yours ..... amen.
I want to follow but what does it mean?
To live in this world and keep everything clean
Nothing i own here is every my own
When i live in the mercy and blessing you've shown
I lay down my life, see the world through your eyes
And fight for the hungry who pay for our lives
I want to help you in all of you will
So Jesus consume me, fill through me
Because now is the time
lyrics by Delirious?
Who can stand righteous before you o Lord?
Who can share the intimate (secret) things of God ....??
O Lord i have sin against you. and against you only have i sinned.I know that many are called but few are chosen.
It is so hard to walk in the path i need to walk Lord.
But God can i experience you even more intimately than before? Despite what my caretakers say, i have forgo it all to follow you... And yet i do not want to disappoint yet another person.. my loved ones. And i know i have constantly upset you with my sins and pride.
But God you say you are forgiving and just....
and it will take time to forge back our friendship of trust.
Lord i will perservere for the upward call of God...
seeking Jesus, my author and finisher of faith...
with the help of the Holy spirit my advocate,
I will wanna see blue skies with that rainbow u made for Noah..and the love you gave to all your dearest beloved children abba Father..
Do not forsake me again for i am alone in this spiritual battle.
I still want to be a man of God. A friend of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Not my will but yours ..... amen.
I want to follow but what does it mean?
To live in this world and keep everything clean
Nothing i own here is every my own
When i live in the mercy and blessing you've shown
I lay down my life, see the world through your eyes
And fight for the hungry who pay for our lives
I want to help you in all of you will
So Jesus consume me, fill through me
Because now is the time
lyrics by Delirious?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
$$$
I need finances.........
thank God for the job that came by last week... the details are quite sketchy though.. -_- and its only 1 hour per day! And if they are going to pay me around $5 per hr .... i cant imagine further. Oh well i need to pay my BF badly...
I begin to ponder about a few things recently.... one aspect is about financial breakthrough. I do not have any big financial breakthroughs so far ...... and frankly ... i am wondering the offering messages that i gave ... all those promises... will it come to past?
I realise something that any educated 3 - year old kid can tell me ... No work = no pay = no luxuries = no giving to the Lord = no giving to friends. As much as i would like to bless others in their birthday ... the main problem now is that i am spending too much time at home .. either playing games ... surfing the net or reading manga(s) .. than getting a proper job to equip myself with experience and cash! Its just my old lazy bones... and my old habit of procastinating...
I feel like i have to hunt for more jobs fast... and even if it means i would not be able to fulfill my BF in time ... i got to try.
Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? ..... You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only ....... For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
James 2 : 21-22, 24, 26
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.
John 15 :16
thank God for the job that came by last week... the details are quite sketchy though.. -_- and its only 1 hour per day! And if they are going to pay me around $5 per hr .... i cant imagine further. Oh well i need to pay my BF badly...
I begin to ponder about a few things recently.... one aspect is about financial breakthrough. I do not have any big financial breakthroughs so far ...... and frankly ... i am wondering the offering messages that i gave ... all those promises... will it come to past?
I realise something that any educated 3 - year old kid can tell me ... No work = no pay = no luxuries = no giving to the Lord = no giving to friends. As much as i would like to bless others in their birthday ... the main problem now is that i am spending too much time at home .. either playing games ... surfing the net or reading manga(s) .. than getting a proper job to equip myself with experience and cash! Its just my old lazy bones... and my old habit of procastinating...
I feel like i have to hunt for more jobs fast... and even if it means i would not be able to fulfill my BF in time ... i got to try.
Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? ..... You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only ....... For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
James 2 : 21-22, 24, 26
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.
John 15 :16
The Old and the New.
I had a great week last week.
And after the BS lessons, the books and the infilling of God's word in my life... suddenly there seems to be a light upon my path.
God has spoken many times in my life... but it was a pity i did not treasure those times i spent with him. He has a great vision for me ... and probably the mantle might have been given to another faithful one. However, i know he always has plans for every single one of us. A calling. And even as i try to draw close to him.... i get to understand that most of the time i will not be able to feel God's presence. If it God is so real, and if he long to have such a communion with us ... why is it so hard to seek God. Qi Hui told me last week that she had a revelation of that during our zone prayer meeting. Well the revelation she had is amazing. She mentioned that to know God more, just like knowing any ordinary friend ... you'll need to spend more time ... more effort ... sometimes necessary sacrifices to understand that person well. This in turn indirectly shows how much you value him/her. Qi hui has showed me this before. I on the other hand run from the ones i treasure before. Can't face them. The devil really did his job.
But now, in another sense i get to know God so so much better this week. This is i must say a 50% head-knowledge and a 50% revelation. I believe i still do not have a full revelation of what God is doing or showing me in my life. I realise that in all that emptiness i have within me .... my longing for some infilling of substance has drawn me away and to God. When his presence is there, i praise Him and thank Him .. and rejoice in that atmosphere. But when i could not feel his presence ... or do not feel like engaging it ... my spirit hungers less ... and the desires of my flesh increases. Its a struggle and when Bro Jeremy talk about it in BS, i begin to see a clear reflection of my attitude and my response towards God. God wants me to fellowship with him intimately. And He wants to draw me so close to him. Though many times i cannot feel him there... when i seek, i cannot find. "Where are you".... i always asked. Then i learned he was just right that at that time. I couldn't see Him. Or feel Him. But he is there. And the reason is because there are still areas in my life God has to deal with before we can commune closely. I will have to follow closely his lead...
Now, I want to seek God for who He is. Not just what He can do. The Beattitudes are really a description of the people of Heaven. And to be like one .... i need to start learning it well from my Teacher. HS..
In Christ, I am a new creature. I will put on my New man and rejoice with all the great exchanges Jesus paid for me.
Eph 4 : 22-24.
And after the BS lessons, the books and the infilling of God's word in my life... suddenly there seems to be a light upon my path.
God has spoken many times in my life... but it was a pity i did not treasure those times i spent with him. He has a great vision for me ... and probably the mantle might have been given to another faithful one. However, i know he always has plans for every single one of us. A calling. And even as i try to draw close to him.... i get to understand that most of the time i will not be able to feel God's presence. If it God is so real, and if he long to have such a communion with us ... why is it so hard to seek God. Qi Hui told me last week that she had a revelation of that during our zone prayer meeting. Well the revelation she had is amazing. She mentioned that to know God more, just like knowing any ordinary friend ... you'll need to spend more time ... more effort ... sometimes necessary sacrifices to understand that person well. This in turn indirectly shows how much you value him/her. Qi hui has showed me this before. I on the other hand run from the ones i treasure before. Can't face them. The devil really did his job.
But now, in another sense i get to know God so so much better this week. This is i must say a 50% head-knowledge and a 50% revelation. I believe i still do not have a full revelation of what God is doing or showing me in my life. I realise that in all that emptiness i have within me .... my longing for some infilling of substance has drawn me away and to God. When his presence is there, i praise Him and thank Him .. and rejoice in that atmosphere. But when i could not feel his presence ... or do not feel like engaging it ... my spirit hungers less ... and the desires of my flesh increases. Its a struggle and when Bro Jeremy talk about it in BS, i begin to see a clear reflection of my attitude and my response towards God. God wants me to fellowship with him intimately. And He wants to draw me so close to him. Though many times i cannot feel him there... when i seek, i cannot find. "Where are you".... i always asked. Then i learned he was just right that at that time. I couldn't see Him. Or feel Him. But he is there. And the reason is because there are still areas in my life God has to deal with before we can commune closely. I will have to follow closely his lead...
Now, I want to seek God for who He is. Not just what He can do. The Beattitudes are really a description of the people of Heaven. And to be like one .... i need to start learning it well from my Teacher. HS..
In Christ, I am a new creature. I will put on my New man and rejoice with all the great exchanges Jesus paid for me.
Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion. And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude], And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God's image, [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness.
Eph 4 : 22-24.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
He said..
I haven't been doing my PDL series so regularly because .....
1) I play too much games ....... just too much.
2) reading other books....
3) not praying well too.
You know in christianity .... all the woo-ahs about God and religion .... can be brought down to such a simple level. Ps CK showed me yesterday. And i have not witnessed the love of God and His presence in such a tangible manner like it was in yesterday's meeting. I mean it is different from our regular service .. where we have the lights and great sound and preacher. Those are good. But the fire among the people isn't there. Yesterday the HS just moved so freely among us. I mean its different from Ps Benny Hinn's meeting where the whole stadium is electrified .... but in another sense ... i get to know how God moves among the hungry .... and the meek. All around me ... people were weeping .... but i didn't. But i feel blankets after blankets .... wave after waves of water pouring on me..... and a message telling me to straighten up.
He told me softly that He has some place prepared for me ... and unless i give up my old man .... every single day ... put that on the cross, and move to put on the new man that Christ so graciously gave to me... i will never be in that place where i can fulfill my role on this earth. It was not a big .... loud ... or what you call the manifestation of HS i had there... rather it was a simple message. A still small voice in my head that assures me that he takes care of me despite my disobedience.
God has done so much. I know. But somewhere in my heart .... i feel dead. I feel that i am overunned by my mistakes or my sins. But then i also know this doesn't matter as much as gaining the actual righteousness of God. Even if it dulls or pains me .... it still has to be done, And I have to do it.
Thank you for taking that cup of suffering for my sake. I want to understand more of it... someday i hope i can really know you as David knows you..
Points to rememeber n meditate from yesterday's prayer meeting :
1) Have a daily encounter with God. God is ever closer than i think.
- In the stillness, in the quiet (and secret) place ... he is there. ( Elijah in 1 Kings. )
- The longest distance in our body is from our heart to our head. Take time to settle in. Do not rush.
- A personal encounter with God sometimes requires obedience and sacrifice. With obedience as the priority.
- God speaks to the hungry. He reveals the secret to the thirsty ones.
- Simple old worship songs can be more effective sometimes. Especially in a personal quiet time.
2) Serving God effectively is not just an art. Its also in the heart.
- Do i need to be professional to serve God? No! Professionalism comes naturally when we move with Him in the spirit (revelation)
- The basic requirement ... is simply our heart. Be a Mary who listens and worships. Rather than a Martha who works professionally, but gets lost in the motion.
- Spiritual check (every day) : Do you have the joy / passion to serve God and people ? If no : Renew that fire. Go seek him again. If yes : Praise the Lord.
End.
1) I play too much games ....... just too much.
2) reading other books....
3) not praying well too.
You know in christianity .... all the woo-ahs about God and religion .... can be brought down to such a simple level. Ps CK showed me yesterday. And i have not witnessed the love of God and His presence in such a tangible manner like it was in yesterday's meeting. I mean it is different from our regular service .. where we have the lights and great sound and preacher. Those are good. But the fire among the people isn't there. Yesterday the HS just moved so freely among us. I mean its different from Ps Benny Hinn's meeting where the whole stadium is electrified .... but in another sense ... i get to know how God moves among the hungry .... and the meek. All around me ... people were weeping .... but i didn't. But i feel blankets after blankets .... wave after waves of water pouring on me..... and a message telling me to straighten up.
He told me softly that He has some place prepared for me ... and unless i give up my old man .... every single day ... put that on the cross, and move to put on the new man that Christ so graciously gave to me... i will never be in that place where i can fulfill my role on this earth. It was not a big .... loud ... or what you call the manifestation of HS i had there... rather it was a simple message. A still small voice in my head that assures me that he takes care of me despite my disobedience.
God has done so much. I know. But somewhere in my heart .... i feel dead. I feel that i am overunned by my mistakes or my sins. But then i also know this doesn't matter as much as gaining the actual righteousness of God. Even if it dulls or pains me .... it still has to be done, And I have to do it.
Thank you for taking that cup of suffering for my sake. I want to understand more of it... someday i hope i can really know you as David knows you..
Points to rememeber n meditate from yesterday's prayer meeting :
1) Have a daily encounter with God. God is ever closer than i think.
- In the stillness, in the quiet (and secret) place ... he is there. ( Elijah in 1 Kings. )
- The longest distance in our body is from our heart to our head. Take time to settle in. Do not rush.
- A personal encounter with God sometimes requires obedience and sacrifice. With obedience as the priority.
- God speaks to the hungry. He reveals the secret to the thirsty ones.
- Simple old worship songs can be more effective sometimes. Especially in a personal quiet time.
2) Serving God effectively is not just an art. Its also in the heart.
- Do i need to be professional to serve God? No! Professionalism comes naturally when we move with Him in the spirit (revelation)
- The basic requirement ... is simply our heart. Be a Mary who listens and worships. Rather than a Martha who works professionally, but gets lost in the motion.
- Spiritual check (every day) : Do you have the joy / passion to serve God and people ? If no : Renew that fire. Go seek him again. If yes : Praise the Lord.
End.
Friday, May 11, 2007
For you.
i feel refreshed today after a good prayer wif cell group.
i have been pondering about the sermon of Mounts message and my late readings by John Bevere ... and of course my BS lessons. About my lifestyle .. and attitude.... i just cant develop that happy healthy me again. I know God is working very much on my inside now .. and that's why he brought me to where i was. And even though there are times i neglected him, he still calls out to me in very different ways. Like through books... through the things i do... (they would just suddenly feel meaningless). He wants my attention.... but on my part ... i will sometimes just do the things i want to do.
How do i die to myself everyday? How do i praise God even at my most unconvenient time? This is like Basic Christianity 101. This is what probably what David calls sacrifice of praise. I want to die to my old self ... and develop that hunger again. For that special secret mana he reserve for those who seeks him earnestly...
I realise something on Saturday service on God's part in our relationship. B. Jeremy has said that God has done everything possible for Him to gain us back.. Everything. And what i don't realise till recently is that the power of the cross is still continuously at work ... even up till today. The sanctifying ... the breaking of self ... its not me. I can't do anything about this sin .... but only one ... that is to choose to not sin. And i realise the power of sin weakens when we yield more to God. The bible says we cannot serve two masters ... and it's either Him or the principalities of this world. And yet unknowingly .... Jesus continues to help us fight this fight. And yea the battle is won long ago..... and this struggle i have.... we have.... it is nothing as long as we dun give in.
God, help me oh lord. I have pride in my life. I know it. And together with it comes with these insecurities ... this fear .... this loneliness. I yearn for love. for friendship. For something that can satisfy my soul. But yet i found none. And when all is finally silenced in my life... i found yr voice calling me. I have changed O Lord. I have experienced some of the pleasures of this world. And i give thanks for the legitimate ones you gave. But Lord i know that i truly belong to you ... and i pray that i will be closer to you ... every single day. Help me God..... i know its not by might nor power ... but by your spirit o Lord. I need you....
i have been pondering about the sermon of Mounts message and my late readings by John Bevere ... and of course my BS lessons. About my lifestyle .. and attitude.... i just cant develop that happy healthy me again. I know God is working very much on my inside now .. and that's why he brought me to where i was. And even though there are times i neglected him, he still calls out to me in very different ways. Like through books... through the things i do... (they would just suddenly feel meaningless). He wants my attention.... but on my part ... i will sometimes just do the things i want to do.
How do i die to myself everyday? How do i praise God even at my most unconvenient time? This is like Basic Christianity 101. This is what probably what David calls sacrifice of praise. I want to die to my old self ... and develop that hunger again. For that special secret mana he reserve for those who seeks him earnestly...
I realise something on Saturday service on God's part in our relationship. B. Jeremy has said that God has done everything possible for Him to gain us back.. Everything. And what i don't realise till recently is that the power of the cross is still continuously at work ... even up till today. The sanctifying ... the breaking of self ... its not me. I can't do anything about this sin .... but only one ... that is to choose to not sin. And i realise the power of sin weakens when we yield more to God. The bible says we cannot serve two masters ... and it's either Him or the principalities of this world. And yet unknowingly .... Jesus continues to help us fight this fight. And yea the battle is won long ago..... and this struggle i have.... we have.... it is nothing as long as we dun give in.
God, help me oh lord. I have pride in my life. I know it. And together with it comes with these insecurities ... this fear .... this loneliness. I yearn for love. for friendship. For something that can satisfy my soul. But yet i found none. And when all is finally silenced in my life... i found yr voice calling me. I have changed O Lord. I have experienced some of the pleasures of this world. And i give thanks for the legitimate ones you gave. But Lord i know that i truly belong to you ... and i pray that i will be closer to you ... every single day. Help me God..... i know its not by might nor power ... but by your spirit o Lord. I need you....
Monday, May 07, 2007
!@#$
my blog has problems. everything seems to be in haywire... cant post properly. hai.
Anyway praise the lord... i love this week's message. I can see now all that he's doing in my life... up till now.
Anyway praise the lord... i love this week's message. I can see now all that he's doing in my life... up till now.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Age Gap?
I recently told my new cgl that i want to be a helper again.
Lots of conviction burn in my heart... I mean i really do not like to lead. I guess you can call me the "serving" type rather than leading type. But i really feel God calling me to walk out from my comfort zone to do his works again.... To feed his lamb, tend his sheep... and feed his sheeps.
I'm so confused today. On my way back... i was really tired. I can't say that i did alot of work ... but maybe because of the lack of exercise ... i grew easily exhausted after all the chair carrying and shifting in Expo. But yea .. on the way back ... i became quite irritated with the gang i was with. My cg mates. It's like i don't belong there at all... The things they say ... the lame joke they crack ... yea they are ok. But I am not particularly keen to participate and talk. Sure in the past i will just go ahead and chat wif them to my very very best. But now it's different. I do want to fellowship.. but a part of me does not want to be with them. I am not a child a kid anymore. The "woos and ahhs" about teenage life doesn't really impress me anymore. I really don't know but i think after coming out of army ... i feel that i need to be more like a man and less like a kid. I mean i like to party and such ... but together with them .. it's almost like a joke.
God what's happening to me? You called me for your work ... yet to me it all seem so wrong... this environment i'm in. I kept thinking that i might need to change cg. But no lord.. i won't decide this based on my feelings or thoughts. Yet God, please show me how to connect with the young lives again. Please also show me if i should continue together with this cg w143. I am in a mess right now but yet Lord i know your ways are higher than mine... so are your thoughts. Holy spirit guide me. Thank you God. Amen.
A short extract from John 21.
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." 16 Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." 17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. 18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God.
Lots of conviction burn in my heart... I mean i really do not like to lead. I guess you can call me the "serving" type rather than leading type. But i really feel God calling me to walk out from my comfort zone to do his works again.... To feed his lamb, tend his sheep... and feed his sheeps.
I'm so confused today. On my way back... i was really tired. I can't say that i did alot of work ... but maybe because of the lack of exercise ... i grew easily exhausted after all the chair carrying and shifting in Expo. But yea .. on the way back ... i became quite irritated with the gang i was with. My cg mates. It's like i don't belong there at all... The things they say ... the lame joke they crack ... yea they are ok. But I am not particularly keen to participate and talk. Sure in the past i will just go ahead and chat wif them to my very very best. But now it's different. I do want to fellowship.. but a part of me does not want to be with them. I am not a child a kid anymore. The "woos and ahhs" about teenage life doesn't really impress me anymore. I really don't know but i think after coming out of army ... i feel that i need to be more like a man and less like a kid. I mean i like to party and such ... but together with them .. it's almost like a joke.
God what's happening to me? You called me for your work ... yet to me it all seem so wrong... this environment i'm in. I kept thinking that i might need to change cg. But no lord.. i won't decide this based on my feelings or thoughts. Yet God, please show me how to connect with the young lives again. Please also show me if i should continue together with this cg w143. I am in a mess right now but yet Lord i know your ways are higher than mine... so are your thoughts. Holy spirit guide me. Thank you God. Amen.
A short extract from John 21.
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." 16 Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." 17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. 18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God.
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