Discontentment

Been quite down today. But hey =) i am a Christian! I will not let my sadness drown my day. :)



I told one of my cgms that some time this week that no matter how down we are ... there is always something nice that God place in our hearts to appreciate (or to be thankful for). And i am truly blessed to know of people that challenges me to renew my mind. Most of the time indirectly (and unknowingly they did that!). Their passion for people. Their passion to make things happen really inspires me greatly.




And well to talk abit about today. Well its really not a good day. I think the reason is because of my poor quality of QT in my last few days. And I really really think so. And its not the time-span i had that matters ... but its the quality of time i spend with God. I felt quite ashamed now to say all this. Even as a leader now handling lives at my hand, i should know better. And i don't like screwing around with people's lives.



And well what exactly happen today is that for my duty as an usher ( Stage 2 duty) : I failed in a couple of primary objectives.

1) My timing for my pulpit cup was outrageously out-of-standard. H1 commed me many many times .... but well i think i was alittle complacent (and therefore slow to judge the time needed to prepare the cup) . Hence, i come out to place the pulpit cup at the wrong timing.

2) My 1st row have 3 empty seats ( which i though was filled at first!! I was informed by Stage1 that there was BVs sitting there What i could have done is probably to check with the BVs if they want to sit there to fill the 3 empty seats. I commed H1 and H1 was very displeased with it.

3) I have empty seats all round Alpha. Though these seats are not under my primary care ... but as a Stage 2, i felt it could really be better.

4) I cant hear the com-set well. I probably need to rely on HS more.


Man =( i am really sad about my performance today. Can tell that H1 and H2 are really disappointed by my sharp drop in standard. I might be ban from doing Stage 2 for some time. :(

But you know what, i am a teeny weeny bit of happy today. Because out of all this mess, i think i could say i had a rude wake-up call. It certainly scares me in a way when i think about how i could handle big positions like this again. But i am glad that ultimately, its God that i serve. And despite all my shortcomings, he still loves me. I might be imperfect but he is perfect. I may lack but he is full. I may be weak but He is strong.


And yea i will not remain weak. I will grow sharper. Smarter. And less complacent. Every failure is a learning opportunity i say! And i shall never make the mistake twice! Amen!



Talked to JJ just now. Man he's the man full of actions. Even he was an usher under me.. i always think of him as a good inspirational co-worker in Christ. He teaches me alot when i chat. And if as he shared that he wants to leave usher and focus on CG... i tried to talk to him about my revelation early this year and need to serve. and then i realise something's not right with what i say .... And after much chatting, he said , " Jason what you say is alittle different from what Xiu wen and Cheryl (both CGLs in CK zone) shared. They want me to pursue my dream and focus on my vision." While all the time i blabbered having a greater heart (capacity) to serve God.


As i talked , i began to realise that i may be outdated myself. I could not use yesterday's revelation to impact the men and women of God. I need a fresh new revelation myself!!! I began to quiet down, and told him that i support him... but i would need some time to talk to my leaders. And i need to pray about it myself. Because i know that if God has really called him to move to this new ground, i can't possibly rebute with it. All i need to know where my new ground lies. I won't walk like how Lot walked away from Abraham. I wanna be the next Abraham-walker. I wanna walk by faith and not by sight!



Apart from all this, i quite enjoy the fellowship today with the usher leaders. Though i am quite not in the mood to fellowship ... but haha at least i think people will suffer less from all my lame jokes. :D


Anyways, lets work towards the goal! That is 1 million bottles of pineapple tarts, Bak Kwa and Soya Beans! Just Kiddin!


But yea lets work towards our heavenly Goal. To bring the kingdom of God into the hearts of people, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. :)


Thanks for reading ^^