World through Your eyes: 1st Week

[ personal ramblings ]

It's been a tiring week. Compared to my A level's period .. this week was really nothing. Oddly, i felt real tired throughout the week. Work in office was a drag. A drag to wake up. A drag to the bus stop. A drag to everything.

Guess i was still in the holiday .. hippy ya ya mood. :)

Nevertheless, i felt very funny this week. A feeling that is really disturbing. Up till now i can't really understand what's up. Probably it's a burden. or maybe there is something in me that is worried. That makes me feel so .. so uneasy. Great way to start the week, ain't it? A horrible rojak (mixed) feeling that woudn't go away.

But as usual .. the weekends always refreshed me :) Blessings. Renewal of mind. Renewal of strength. Back to a place where i truly feel like my home.

Well this week, we had a special speaker .. Pastor Joyce Meyer! hailed one of the top 25 Christian leaders in America by Times Magazine.

Well before i talked about her .. i remembered one of the conversations i had with Turtle after our Saturday night service. She was singing praises of how awesome the service was; of how much she likes Ps Meyer. Well then we drew the discussion to Pastor Robb Thompson's sermon. What i grew to learn today yet again .. is that how impactful God's words can be to our lives. Like turtle said, sermons are sort of like repackaged form of the word of God from the bible. But that is seriously an understatement! The word of God ain't just a doctrine! It speaks directly into your life! In another words .. It is Rhema! (Revelational)

Seriously i would not have grown so much ... if i have not been faithful in understanding .. reading and studying God's word. Because as we seek after His word, he reveals to us the hidden mana that nourishes us. For those who are receptive ... who plants themselve like an open antenna as Joyce Myers put it .. They will freely receive the word of God. that is really like wow to me. So it isn't really about the preacher. His personality .. or style of preaching. It's about the substance he is saying that is transforming you. That's why i am thankful for all the revelations he gave me.

So what's so revelational about her preaching?

Well for that matter , i was feeling so dried up this week. Dried up as in flat. I feel dead. The joy of the Lord ... the spirit that rushes inside me ... was all gone. And i experience funny feelings of emtions all week. As I was ushering .. it became worst.

I began if i am turning in to a Martha. I know very well worship is more significant than serving. But i always kept in mind that the reason we worship ..... it is because He is worthy. He is worth all that i am. So even if i do not get to fully engaged in the spirit to sing or cry to him ... i would use my actions to speak the love that i had for him. But this week i feel all wrong. My mind can't think well .. I felt tired... I just want to lean on God's arm. And at the end of it all .. i felt bitter. I felt that i was robbed my chance to worship God.

""Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part .. "
Luke 10:41-42

"But I do want that part too Lord."

I do not really understand. But God showed me today in service 2.

I have to stop listening to my feelings. But more to my heart .. where the spirit of God dwells. Learn to stop and listen. That's living deep.

From out of our heart, pours our the rivers of Living water .. God's divine healing .. his strength ..

In this trying period .. where God stretches us in capactiy .. when he grows me... i have to learn to take on a different approach to deal with my problem. It will feel very uncomfortable. But it's only through this moulding that i am reformed. Like Pastor Joyce emphasise repeartedly .. We are born again as a new creature in Christ. That takes place instantly. But not completely. That really reminds me i am still his child. He is my Father. He has his ways of dealing with me to make me a completely different person. And as a child .. even if i do not understand why my feelings run wild .. even if i feel like breaking down many many times .. i just need to know God loves me. In the end .. i'll be Christ-like. Father loves me just the way i am. But he loves me too much that he doesn't want me to stay that way.

Pastor Joyce also said .. "It's not easy to deny your feeligns. But it's easier than living in bondage."

How true it is. I am feeling so much better than i feel in the past. Where i feel so inferior to others.

So ushering really grew me. I was pretty fustrated with myself. With the way i usher. With the way how everything turns out even when i did my best to ensure everything goes well. It ain't really about the results. Because God sees my heart. He loves me for my sacrifices. I can feel that all at the end of the Saturday service. And after He loved me .. he showed me today in service 2 what was happening..

There are so many great thing shared. But what really impacted me was how revelant these messages are to my life. And i'm sure to the others around me .. they would equally be impacted in their very own way as well.

Yea~ I'm another step into being a better Jason! :)

* happenings of the week *