somethings in life ... you do ... you do ... and u do it again ....

wad is wrong wif me

they are things that when u look back in life. .. when u ascend to heaven (or hell) ..

when u flip back the pages of yr life .... you'll be like " damn !" dat's me

questions like *bam* .... why am i doing this

*bam* What the .... why am i in this situation

*bam* Wat's so caught up now .. is he so hard not to do whatever i am doing

Well .... wad am i babbling about this time ...
An argument broke up in my house ... tis time i really lost it ..
I screamed, yelled .. really spilled out my anger .... right at her face
I said some things that i am not very proud of. but dun worry .. no obscene .. vulgar words involve..
but i tink it's still nasty ... especially to her ....
i feel bad .... bad about wad? ... screaming at her .... ya
saying those nasty words ... ya ...
but above all .. it's like .... i lost this sense of guilt ... the guilt of feelin bad over it all
i dun feel dat terrible ... i feel crazed .. angered ... boiled up .. at that time .
i wonder where my sense of guilt went after the incident
maybe i am still consumed wif anger ...
well tis lady ....
i would say is my dear grandma ...

Maybe it's time i shld share abit abt my family ... my grandma has been waking up everyday at 5 am for the past years .. well ... decade. She is my personal alarm clock dat i took for granted. She doesn't look old ... not tat old ... but deep inside her she is old .. she washed clothes 4 me ... and cook for me ... did housework ... all by herself. Now she can't wash the clothes ... she cant life heavy stuffs or exert herself ... so i have to take up my own responsibility. I had constant disputes over very micro-minor issues. The thing is ... she's very kan chiong ... worried .... driven by worry. She wanst be to do the housework 1st ... before i play com game .. watch tv ... bla bla. So i always tell her i will do it .. but at my own timing. And den she will go nag nag nag .. and sometimes blew up dat i sometimes really [--]' men she has to relax ... but am i the one being too relax .... true enuff i am.

The dispute tis time : pouring the water from the boiled kettle to the thermoflask
Argument : I will do it later ...
Counter-argument : She wants it to be done quickly ... or else water will cool down ... tomorrow's water wun be as hot as b4.
Rebuttal : i will do it sooon .. enufff .. wun wait till water cool to room temp b4 i do... lemme finish my task at hand 1st

and the dispute go on overy small issues ... in my life ... in this house ... in everything dat i tink there isn't a need to argue. Maybe i should abide and not defer the command of authority.[ from the book under-cover .. respect authority ... most of the time ... it makes no sense but it work out better than we plan]. i duno.. it's haiz .... ok back at tis time ... i actually did it right after her nagging .. and the most *grrr* thing happen .. mu clumsy hand knock over a flask of container .. containing water ... cool water . and so it spilled until the kitchen is semi-flooded. My grandma pop up at the door. her face change color ... $%^#$&3$%@#$ and there she really scolded me like mad. And den i lost it ... at tat pt. Somehow .. she tinks i poured the wrong kettle of water .. end up pouring on the floor .... [--]' dunno wad she toking ... i told her pls stop naggin ... and when she still continued ... i retaliated. really blow up. explode. haiz. now my throat feel sore ... and antoher matter struck me ... while i was cleaning up the mess ...

She's talking on the phone .. it's abt my grand pa. Somehow he was in hospital ... and den ... it occur to me. She could be worried abt grandpa. Tat's y she's so easily irritated when things are not done properly. though now my grandpa and grandma dun tok to each other ... as in they live their own seperate world ... from the kitchen .. i can still hear her voice of concern.

Men ... wad a boy i am rite ?