His faithfulness

Blessed  be  the Lord, For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city! For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before Your eyes; Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications When I cried out to You. Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints!  For  the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person. Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:21-24 NKJV)

My God is a faithful God! Even in all my days where I ran faithless.. He assurese He is three

God these few days my flaws are revealed. I have a childish heart - if things dont get I my way I get upset. The basic trust.. I easily forget. Teach me not to forget God

You have been good to me. When I was about to daily exam and go into NT In sec Sch. U bring me up to the top class instead. I was so afraid.. I prayed And put my anxious desires before u. And u heard my deep desires

In primary school I felt useless. Primary 1 I failed 2 

Out of 3 subjects. Almost gg to receive hell at home. U let me pass. And at the end- I top the Class with my grades in primary 3 and 4

God. 

 Could u help me again. I believe this time with hard work.. God u can turn my grades around. I want good results Sio bad. In the midst all my bad attitude comes out

2 things I pray

1) refine my attitude. Let me carry gratitude. Attitude of the beatitude everywhere I go

2) bless me so I can be a blessing. I don't want to be selfish. I want to help many people. Help me God to score well in exams. And have a breakthrough in my emotional struggles

I love u Jesus. Great is thy faithfulness

Penned on iPhone .. Jason Ng

I erred

I realise now after hearing Dr. A.R. Bernard's sermon of how much i have erred. beyond the superficial shell i carry,,,, lies a deep root of sadness... irresponsibility.... hatred and shame.

i have erred. i have blamed people

but look at me God.... i am behaving really like a fool.,,,

help me God.... 

 

Regards,

Jason Ng .. s0nix

 

[God doesn't give us overcoming life, he gives life as we overcome... ]

Meditation

I WILL bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall
continually be in my mouth. My life makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble and afflicted hear and be glad. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name
together. I sought (inquired of) the Lord and
required Him [of necessity and on the authority of His Word], and He heard me, and
delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant; their faces shall never
blush for shame or be confused. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out
of all his troubles. (Psalm 34:1-6 AMP)

These verses have Been my verse of meditation these few weeks.

I realize how sometimes when we are so caught up with ourself.... Over our struggles and our life., we tend to look at our life w a magnifying glass and feel overwhelmed.

I think the start of this year has been a big struggle for me. Balancing time and commitment.. The stress built up and eventually I crack.

I understand how frail I am and I turn back to you.

I seek affirmation and understanding...

God you became my affirmation through all this. I feel so tired but you have lifted me up.

I talk to rio and understood how he copes during his 2 years of studies. It wasn't easy but he balance his time alot by seeking understanding and help from people around him... And try to focus his priorities on what's at hand.

I think studies is one of my most important priority right now. And I will give it my attention.

The rest of the things.. God please help me to balance it out. I don't want to neglect my family.. Or rlns in the expense of my studies. I don't want my health to deteriorate too. I want to live a long life to serve you.

So give me your grace to complete my planning for visions this year.

I want to be focus in sound what I should do. No more wasting time

Vision for my life!

Simplified version
First half of year
Exam focus!
-Bible study every morning
-meditating on new verses like ps 34 and ps 1
- 30mina a day of revision
- sat 2 hours
- sun 2hrs am, 6hrs pm
- one weekend every month w ah ma
- clear bf
- save 300 p month for wedding
- sleep by 12 latest 1230
- daily 1hr worship

Later part of the year
- improvement in photography by joining a club or expedition
- guitar class: compose a melody and song
- iPhone 5 :)
- work out to keep fit. 3 times a week.

Vision for work
Not to ot at expense of meeting unless absolutely necessary

Vision for Cg
Disciple members to maximize their gifts
Bible study for men and Cgc
Xuelin will handle the woman
Prayer meeting w every single one maybe once a month

Vision for spiritual life
To be accountable to my mentors.
To have a breakthrough in my thought life
To be able to have revelations of Gods love and goodness once again.

Seeing it again

Day 2 of my fast. It's lunch time and I am at Want cafe w bb. Quite exhausted by the workload and pace today. But thank God for this lunch time break.. And my bb for coming down to see me. :)

This whole week I have been meditating on psalms 34. 

It has been an encouragement to me to know God hears me, and it inspires me to taste and see the goodness of God.

I really need this "food" cos at the start of the year. It seems like I put myself in rocket mode. Rushing everything I can to make things work. Ending up really drained at the end of each day. It becomes a cycle of weariness that left my mind unguarded. Negative thoughts take root. And hence... I became a defeated person.

God spoke to Jacob: "Go back to Bethel. Stay there and build an altar to the God who revealed himself to you when you were running for your life from your brother Esau." Jacob told his family and all those who lived with him, "Throw out all the alien gods which you have, take a good bath and put on clean clothes, we're going to Bethel. I'm going to build an altar there to the God who answered me when I was in trouble and has stuck with me everywhere I've gone since." They turned over to Jacob all the alien gods they'd been holding on to, along with their lucky-charm earrings. Jacob buried them under the oak tree in Shechem. Then they set out. A paralyzing fear descended on all the surrounding villages so that they were unable to pursue the sons of Jacob. Jacob and his company arrived at Luz, that is, Bethel, in the land of Canaan. He built an altar there and named it El-Bethel (God-of-Bethel) because that's where God revealed himself to him when he was running from his brother. And that's when Rebekah's nurse, Deborah, died. She was buried just below Bethel under the oak tree. It was named Allon-Bacuth (Weeping-Oak). God revealed himself once again to Jacob, after he had come back from Paddan Aram and blessed him: "Your name is Jacob (Heel); but that's your name no longer. From now on your name is Israel (God-Wrestler)." (Genesis 35:1-10 MSG)

"running for your life from your brother Esau"

- speaks of Jacob running away from his fear and anxiety. Running to anywhere that can bring him  peace, stability and safety.

But God says., come back. Come back to bethel. The foundation of everything. The house of God. The bread of life is in there.

He spoke once to Naomi and Ruth too on this.

It's easy for us to run away.. Or run to a target. But I think when our life is threaten and in a mess... I must run back to the house of God.

He says build an altar.

Altar signifies a life of worship. A life that places Jesus in the centre. 

When that happens... A certain peace comes in. The anxiety and stress starts to move away.

God I want to rebuild this altar again. I want to see things in your perspective. I don't require any understanding on why things happen this way. Just open my eyes again to see your goodness.. And open my heart again that I may receive your love..

"They turned over to Jacob all the alien gods they'd been holding on to, along with their lucky-charm earrings. Jacob buried them under the oak tree in Shechem"

 

I believe this speaks of turning away from idolatry. Idolatry is simply anything that takes the place of God as the centre. In our lives. 

When we give value/ high importance... And push away the attention of God ( that he wants to commune with us) ... We become isolated.

I become isolated. I think I honestly put other things before Him. My results became important to me. It's likes Xw says... They become so important I am letting "these things" define me.

I am not defined by works or results. Someone's when expectations are placed on me.. I tend to feel pressured. I want to run away. I think that only when I achieve something.. Then i can come back to God. To the people I care about. And show them that I have not wasted their investments on me.' 

God.. It doesn't matter all that now. Coa all these investments that they place on me... I won't be worried anymore that it won't bear fruit. Cos God all these comes from you. If you choose not to help me,.. Then I can never do it. But if u place me here for a reason.,, u will have a way to help

Me balance my commitments and be a victorious person through all these.

God... I place all these idols in your hands. Take it away. I want to please you and know your heart more. Come help me...

3)"God revealed himself once again to Jacob, after he had come back from Paddan Aram and blessed him: "Your name is Jacob (Heel); but that's your name no longer. From now on your name is Israel (God-Wrestler)."

The blessing of God comes after he pass through a struggle.  

Does it have to be through a struggle for that we can have a breakthrough?

Perhaps it's just a renewing of mind.. And rededicating our heart.

God I really need your breakthrough: no more struggles w. my identities. No 

More stress over my work. No more defeated mindset that steals my joy. No more directionless living.

God I want to have a breakthrough. 

I pray that I can become a stronger, resilient.... And faith-ful man.

Wrestling

But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn't get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob's hip out of joint. The man said, "Let me go; it's daybreak." Jacob said, "I'm not letting you go 'til you bless me." The man said, "What's your name?" He answered, "Jacob." The man said, "But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it's Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through." Jacob asked, "And what's your name?" The man said, "Why do you want to know my name?" And then, right then and there, he blessed him. Jacob named the place Peniel (God's Face) because, he said, "I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!" The sun came up as he left Peniel, limping because of his hip. (This is why Israelites to this day don't eat the hip muscle; because Jacob's hip was thrown out of joint.) (Genesis 32:24-32 MSG)

God thank you for your word. Sometimes I really do feel like Jacob. I try to do my best... In the things I do... Often trying different methods to achieve it. After awhile I get tired.

Through the pas 2 weeks I have been really stressed. I feel like the whole world is caving in on me.  Particularly... Starting off with work. Feeling unfulfilled in my job.... Coupled w making silly mistakes... And getting scolded by a senior staff.. It made me feel really lousy about myself. I can still remember the anger I had over myself... For giving her so much trouble... And I was angry w her for being so demanding over me.

In retrospect... I have a tendency to take things really hard. A scolding to me will set me off in a chain of thinking and self evaluating,.. And instinctively- I draw back to my shell. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

This is not the first time.... But these signs have become a unhealthy stronghold in my life. A stronghold because many a times I feel helpless and alone in all this. I feel tired.

Tired of enduring the pain on my right hip bone. It seems like every step I take it aches.

Tired of my failures in work. In all that The last thing I want is to be a burden to anyone.

Tired of unfulfilled desires in my heart. I keep thinking about being a musician one day. Because that is what I love. I wish for more time that I can practise freely.

Tired of not being able to present a good report for my Cg. I guess I just want to do my zone leader proud. But I feel time tight.

Tired of not knowing how to meet the expectations of my family. They love to ask me about my studies. About my life. My job. What can I say to them? What should i say? It feels like they want me to produce some results before they could stop askin me all these questions.

Pressure. It's mounting on me.

I really crave for someone's understanding in what I go through. But I come to realize no one can fully understand this. And in understanding all this.. What can they offer me? Consolation? 

Maybe it's that support and encouragement i wish to get,

I am a human too. 

So today.. Typing all this out. I want to tell you GOD....  I want you to know I am doing my best. I want you to know that people always look with me.. I can see It in their eyes.. That expectation....

A breakthrough.

Xw told me I need a breakthrough in my mindset

E. told me I need to take this out w God

Xl told me I need to relax and trust God. It's not by might nor power.

Dad told me he understands mine struggles. And he told me I need to rest. And also seek God for strength.

God I am returning to bethel. 

It represents bread. The house of God.

Jacob. The supplanter.. I feel I am like him in many ways

The joint pain on my hip bone. When I read this.. It's like knowing... He knows what it feels like to have a limp.

God I need a breakthrough. I don't know how. I don't know when. But I am not letting u go until u give it to me.

God u got to give me something. Anything. Feel this void within me. And carry this burdens I have. I need a breakthrough.

Do u hear me God??????? I want it!!!!!!!!!