its funny

its been a long day. tiring. but get to spend time w friends, im thankful.

think its been awhile i blog.

i feel quite twisted on the inside. like something is twisting my heart around. i cant fathom why.

it is depressing me.

yea. be a man. thicken it out.

why cant i just get this feeling out of me. :( or is hardening my heart the way ?

God.... :(

---

when is shower. i thought about today being Father's day. today being the day we thank our Father for all that he has done.... or just simply letting know we love him.

i began to think about what i remember about fatherhood.... i really dont think i can remember anything. i have many foster parents i guess. my grandma's children ( or my dad's unmarried brothers and sisters) stayed with me when i was young. i guess i was at the centre of the attention among them. they cane me. fed me. clothed me. and sometimes i wonder why i was born in such a messy place. i think alot when i was young. i thouight of how many times i am to plan my escape from this house and never come back. but i never have the courage to run away.

so i did the opposite i guess..... . i hide. hide away from people. from feelings. i do not want to show any vulnerabilities.. i must succeed in all the things i do. so that i can be accepted. eventually it all becomes meaningless. because they all left. now in this home at night. my ah ma.. and me lives. and 2 uncles still that i never really talk to since they are back only at wee-hours.

i began to wonder where is my father? do i ever have a father? what is a father? whats all the buzz about father and sermon about man and dad where i dont see a real good dad in my life.

what is a father ?

how does he look like ?'

abba father ?

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”

even as i write this. i feel miserable. i dont even feel like talking to a soul about this. nobody understand this.

i will choose just to listen to the Lord. and cling onto this verse as i sleep.

happy fathers day.

Thessalonians 1

1 Thessalonians 1

¹ Paul, Silas^[a] and Timothy,

To the church of the Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:

Grace and peace to you.

Thanksgiving for the Thessalonians’ Faith

² We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. ³ We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

⁴ For we know, brothers and sisters^[b] loved by God, that he has chosen you, ⁵ because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. ⁶ You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. ⁷ And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. ⁸ The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—your faith in God has become known everywhere. Therefore we do not need to say anything about it, ⁹ for they themselves report what kind of reception you gave us. They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, ¹⁰ and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead—Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath.

i have been reading the books of Thessalonians. and it has been really been a book that share about a very faithful, studious group of people ... who perservered in the trials of faith, loving God and people. i have been thinking how to study the word of God for awhile... to read through it repeatedly ? listen to it again and again ? meditate and ponder the word ? speak out and confess the verses ? find out the historical context of the people ?

Its good to have a study bible next to you!

a quick look says that the Thess-people shows:

- they are people with right motivation (v3)

- they work hand in hand with God, trusting His steps (v3)

- endure the cross like how Jesus did.

They fully follow the word of God. they imitate. they model after. they do it to such extent that their testimony reached everywhere... and become a source of encouragement to people who hear it.

there is also a radical transformation! (v9) they turn from idols to serve the one true living God... ernestly waiting for Jesus as their hope.

i think practically in my life.. it is not easy to model ourselves in the likes of our heroes of faith. talk about school work. exams. work commitments.. and the countless distractions on the internet. well sometimes there are just so many things that seeks our attention sometimes...

when i study for my examinations... it seems the slightest thing on my table can even pull my eyes away from my books. like a dusty comb to be cleaned. books lying in a corner needing to be packed. a new game in town there makes my finger itchy. the list is endless.

now that my exam is over.. strangely all these distractions are lesser. but they still compete for attention for my quiet time.. and in my study of the word of God.

To me imitators of Christ ... i dont believe is to become a monk and meditate like some wu gong. i am not sure how they kept their discipline back then... prob their distractions are not as serious as us. but one thing is for sure.. they are thirsty. and they know what they need to fill it.

As Christians... we will be thristy. even if we are filled now temporarily.. .we will be thirsty soon enough.

The question is ... do we know what we need to fill it... or do we just pluck the nearest fruit to fill in our stomach? a fruit that doesnt necessary nourish us. bbut distracts us. like a fruit of addictive computer games! that is my biggest tempter! or fruit of meeting friends that pulls us away from God? or fruit of covetousness?

i just feel right now i am using a very strange analogy.. fruits ..

but :) it serves its purpose! ultimately... i think its not impossible to follow after our heroes of faith. one good way is to be like them. study the word of God. purify our motives. and trust Jesus through everything and anything.

We need to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit. be led by Him. and ask Him to give us understanding on making the right decisions. Be led by the spirit... and thereby you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

i am gg to sleep! hope to learn something more from the WOG each day