Victorious Living.

The day began greatly. :)














It ventures sadly midway. :(














And it ends perfectly. :)















= I ended up with mixed feelings as i type this entry. Its very unlikely and unusual for me to blog during the weekdays.



Morning begins brightly

I went to office with a happy heart. Woke up earlier than usual to eat so as to prepare for my 24 hours fast. My first time doing it and i can say it's really challenging. The day that i fast would be the day many people will bring food to the office. I guess my stomach has the unqiue ability to draw food to its presence whenever it feels like churning something...


Well everything began pretty well. We had our usual jokes and people around me kept on dreaming and proclaiming that they are going to ORD. The same usual day in NSSC.


I was asked twice that day by 2 different people on why i have make errors on my cases. Well truly its my fault. I always make error in my deferments because of the mountain of deferment workloads they give me. To clear them with efficiency is an uphill task. So i leave the checking to the Quality Assurance team. [ Tell me please why are they called the Quality Assurance Team?] What rubbish are they doing if they are not supposed to check and send off the cases ? Why go after me if someone is responsible for it ?


When one of the QA team said, i am making errors purposely. I think he is mad.
He should take over my job men.


I have not seen any other formation, division handling the same amount of workload that my team [9 Div] is doing. The files of deferment documents in the cupboard says it all. We got the largest collection of files. I have to squeeze time to send cases. Send during my breaks. Do over-time. What more are they expecting of me? I already promise myself to do everything to my best. And then now they shouldering burdens, pointing faults after faults at me.




When madam said she is going to fine me for making mistakes, i totally lost it. It really blew me off. From there, it adds to my feelings towards leadership in the Army. I totally look down on leadership in SAF. From BMT all the way until now, i have not seen a good leader yet. You can say i am expecting too much. Then look at what they are doing to me. And the rest. Everything i've done has gone unappreciated. And now i am going to be punished.



Commanding respect. Respecting Command [From Advertisements in the MRT station] What stupid SAF slogan is that? They should stop disgracing themselves. Respect is earned. Not commanded. You can't force respect. If so, it's all hypocrisy. I can give you all that great respect, but if you can't live up to the level of respect you expect me to give, then please go fly kite.




I am really tired. Tired of the leaders up there.
But you know what ? I am still going to respect them.




Not because of what they have done. Not because of who they are. But because i know what authority means. I know that i have to respect all authority. Because all authority comes from God. If i have accepted them as my leader, i have to respect them as one. And till now, I am still trying hard to do so.




I am not saying that all my leaders are meanies. They are actually all very nice people. I know they don't intend to see us suffer. But I feel very sad under such leadership. Its really tiring and painful. I would love to revamped the system. But under the obligation to suggest under the WITS suggestion system every month, i don't feel like i can produce much. With the mountains of work to do, my brain would be totally drained out. Its just sad. I can whine on but i know it does no good. I just feel tired.


Let me express and vent out my fustration here pls.
I just want to do that.




Miday starts.

I took my 1 hour lunch-break to go back to SAJC to collect my A-Level cert and testimonial. Since i am fasting today, i can do without lunch. Its just that i will not have anytime to sleep in the office and rest my mind.



As i walk down the path to my JC. I felt a tingling sensation. Memories flood my mind.
I've like walked down this sidewalk a thousand times. After hockey training. After event celebrations. After school ends. After mugging.

I am walking down that road one last time..


I do miss my JC. I don't really know what i am missing. But i miss it alot.


I drag my feet down the road to the foyer.


The security guard smiled at me.


I went straight into the office.


Past by the hall. Seems like its Block Test now. The hall is packed.


I spoke with the lady and collect my stuff.


Trotted off slowly.


my 1st 3 months 03S53 maths teacher caught up with me.


We chatted. I told her i am retaking my A's.


She said i do not have time.


I kept quiet.


She said I should seek help if needed.


I nodded.



After a short chat, we left. That's the only teacher i speak to. Probably the last too.
SAJC is moving next year. My old school will be gone by 2006.

I'll always remember that "I am not there by chance."
Once a saint. Always a saint.

My last shot of SAJC









I was disturbed when i left.









Her words left a spark in me. I do not have time










Horrible feelings began to sprout.











I will fail. Everything will fail. My plans will fail.











:(








I went back to the office and clear off all my cases. There are many nice people in NSSC. They pop by and comfort me and ask me why am i moody. I told them i am fine. I appreciate their dose of concern. I don't think you are busy-body. I like encouragements and comforts. It cheers me up alittle. But i just wish to be alone. So i did not share to anyone of you the true matter of the problem.





I am feeling burdened. Of my life ahead. That's the true reason why i am down the whole afternoon. Managing my A level studies and army work would be totally impossible. Unless i rely on His strength, I will be gone by now. And with the people who support me, i am doubly encouraged. That's why at times i feel so blessed.





Evening turns beautiful.

I walked by the rain, carrying my about-to-explode gym bag to YMCA. I've brought alot of things today and my poor bag had to endure the stress of the bulky materials and weight. My Victorious Living bible study is especially liberating..

Pastor Lilian really spoke words of encouragement into my life. Even if the topic doesn't seem to have direct relations or solutions to my case. Its just refreshing. At points of time, i am really lifted up from my problem.


She shared the story of Job in a very life-experiencing, wonderful way. It seems to tell me something. When everyone around fails me, when my situation drops beyond my control, when everything that can go wrong went wrong .. will i still praise Him ? Will I look beyond the problem? Surely its easy to say. But being overwhelmed by your situations, i wonder how Job did it.

She shared with us about her testimony overseas. How she lost a luggauge for not one or two but 3 days. With a video camera, expensive gifts and necessities inside. She could still smile her way through. Just when you things couldn't get worst, she was informed that her husband's car was accidentally knocked. There was a dent.


She remain happy all the while, trusting God that everything will turn out well. Its such a nice and sweet testimony. Eventually she got her lugguage back and it was trace all the way to Chicago. The amazing thing is she remain bright, happy and undefeated all this while. Leaning on Him. Trusting on him. It renewed my mind. I could do that.


She also shared how she got financial blessing when she seek Him first. Financial blessing according to her, is the easiest blessings you can have.


Her message was simple. We've all heard before. But her testimonies and her words touch my heart and mind constantly. It simply boost me and thrust me back towards His embrace. I was shouting " Where are u ... where are u" the whole afternoon. And there He was with me that night. Assuring me that He was with me always. His yoke is light. I felt liberated that night after exchanging load.









I love Him to bits.












And thanks for all the shower of concern.












I promise to return with a smile. I am not defeated yet.










I will live victoriously.

yawnz.

Dear Yahoo!:


If one person yawns, why does everyone else in the room want to yawn?

Lynn
Garland, Texas

Dear Lynn:

Yawning is extremely contagious -- 55% of people who witness someone yawn will yawn within five minutes. If a visually impaired person hears a tape of someone yawning, he or she is likely to yawn as well. Face it, the likelihood of you making it to the end of this answer without looking like one of these gaping mawsis unlikely.

Although the contagious nature of yawning is well established, we know less about why this is so. Researchers are currently giving the topic some serious attention. One theory suggests it's a holdover from a period in evolutionary history when yawning served to coordinate the social behavior of a group of animals. A recent study postulates that contagious yawning could be part of the "neural network involved in empathy."

While the mystery of contagious yawning has yet to be solved, perhaps researchers are closing in on an answer. On the other hand, given the subject matter, we wouldn't blame them for falling asleep at the wheel. In the meantime, give the "yawn challenge" a try -- it's tougher than it looks.

[ adapted from yahoo! ]

The yawning game is fun and pretty funny!

well it isn't hard.

I just wonder if i just stop resisting and yawn, how would it feel :P ?

*YAWN~*Ahh. shiok. haa.. feeling good :)

Don't yawn infront of me men. I'll start throwing hammers to *konk* the yawners out.

No one shall tempt me. >:)

Ear Discharge.

ew ?










I'm not sure if you guys know.












My right ear has been badly blocked for more than 6 months!!











Last thursday, i was @ SGH - A&E department to see the doctor. I was kinda sick and wish to get an MC there :). After many hours of waiting, ( it seems that hospitals are really understaffed everytime i visit ) I've finally in the golden moments of receiving my required attention. The doc speak in a pretty funny tone.





Doc : What happen?



Me: err. I've got headache, flu, fever. Horrible.



Doc: great. sit down here awhile



doc sprints off to other rooms. (The rooms were interconnected)



So he was basically bunny-hopping room to room. From what i see, the doctor is tending like 3 different patients at the same time! -__-. I heard all the doctors available there are sent to treat the really emergency cases. Like you know those going-to-die kind. I was feelin really guilty going to A & E that time.





Well Tay asked me to =P. He said that he heard only A&E gives free medical treatments to NSFs like me.







ok i shall cut it short. I asked the doc to check my abnormally blocked ear too. That ear has really been a nuisance to me throughout this period.







After puting a torch+magnifying-glass+hammer-looking device into my ear, he concluded swiftly ..











your have too much ear wax, my dear. I'm not going to dig it for you.














*faints*








ahh. that's it.












The next day, i armed myself with cotton-wool sticks and began my mining adventure.

I used alot of cotton-wool sticks. Erm really alot.

Actually it improved. I was amaze. I did tried to clear in the past. But my effort seems furtile. That day, i used soaked my ear with water before i mine. It was pretty effective. :)

This morning, i went to dig again. Just to be sure everything was cleared.

I saw blood on the cotton wool.

Its really scary. I thought i am going deaf. At that point, my ear again was blocked. cant hear well.

I went online to search....

Ear Discharge OR DRAINAGE

Symptom Definition
Drainage of substances with varied colors and consistency from the ear canal.

Causes
Normal discharge: earwax or water. Earwax is light brown, dark brown, or orange brown in color.
Main cause of abnormal discharge: an ear infection with drainage of cloudy fluid or pus through a ruptured eardrum or through a ventilation tube.

O_O!!

*scrolls down*



Blood After Ear Exam:
If your doctor had to remove ear wax in order to see the eardrum, about 10% of the time this causes a small scratch to the lining of the ear canal. Usually the scratch oozes 1 or 2 drops of blood and then clots. This should heal up completely in a few days. It shouldn't affect the hearing. Don't put anything in the ear canal because it will probably re-start the bleeding.




*whew*




I scatched too hard? hmph.





I found interesting info too.


Earwax:
Ear wax protects the lining of the ear canal and has germ-killing properties. If the earwax is removed, the ear canals become itchy.









wa. I thot ear-wax is evil. It must be totally anniliated and destroyed. Looks like it has useful properties too.






[ adapted here ]









hopez my ear unblock soon.

Dependency

I've not much things to say lately.














If there are, i've said it out. Its pretty long to blog.













I just want to say Thanks for those who pour out their concern over me.
I felt really alone this few weeks and really long for some encouragements...












I've renewed my mind. I've got to depend on Him now.













Thank God for the angels around me .. Appreciate and love ya guys :)

I am weak

.















Am i?














Y do i keep failing.














God won't you hear me?































I am feelin all-horrible.

The Brick

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.

He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing??That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money.?Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic."Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," he pleaded.?"I threw the brick because no one else would stop."

With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car."It's my brother," he said. "

He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair??He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."


Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.

A quick look told him everything was going to be okay."Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:




Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.


[adapted from allworship.com]



















Sometimes in life, you have to wait and listen. Wait and see.



True enough there is no time to wait. No time to examine. We have to little time to spare to do the simple things like this. It gets harder and harder as you grow up. And i am beginning to learn that as i speak.





But life is just full of opportunities. We have only 1 life to live. I really don't want to waste it. I really want to grow from it.






I feel that moments of waiting serve its purpose when used appropriately. To wait for opportunities is dumb. To wait for men is wasteful. But to spend time to wait for your precious is just so important.








Wad' will that be ?











I say God.











Friends.













Family.








and then the other things you hold dearly.









Waiting on your friends doesn't mean you have to find a cave somewhere to sit and hibernate. It means just to stop whatever you've set aside as important, and take a step to show your attention, appreciation, affection and acceptance to the things or people you treasure.... Yea the 4 A's in the relationship...

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Luke 12:34

In short.... spend time to be with your precious. Even if they don't seem to need you at the moment. We need each other to be ourselves :)

As I wak

Better than your best.
http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb-06-21-05.shtml













Sometimes, i just feel incapable. I never want to live a life of compromise. But i feel weak. I feel stress. Its really insane. :(

I've forgotten that His strength is make perfect in my weaknesses ... 2 cor 12:9

I'll live a life. A life more abundantly. To my friends out there, please support me :)














Thanks turtle :)

Weeping With Pride

It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth. It was a dry season that would bankrupt several farmers before it was through.

Every day, my husband and his brothers would go about the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields.

Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we didn't see some rain soon ... we would lose everything.

It was on this day that I learned the true lesson of sharing and witnessed the only miracle I have seen with my own eyes. I was in the kitchen making lunch for my husband and his brothers when I saw my six-year old son, Billy, walking toward the woods.

He wasn't walking with the usual carefree abandon of a youth but with a serious purpose. I could only see his back. He was obviously walking with a great effort...trying to be as still as possible.

Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he came running out again, toward the house. I went back to making sandwiches; thinking that whatever task he had been doing was completed.

Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow purposeful stride toward the woods. This activity went on for an hour: walk carefully to the woods, run back to the house.

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and I crept out of the house and followed him on his journey (being very careful not to be seen ...as he was obviously doing important work and didn't need his Mommy checking up on him).

He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked; being very careful not to spill the water he held in them...maybe two or three tablespoons were held in his tiny hands. I sneaked close as he went into the woods.

Branches and thorns slapped his little face but he did not try to avoid them. He had a much higher purpose.

As I leaned in to spy on him, I saw the most amazing site.

Several large deer loomed in front of him. Billy walked right up to them. I almost screamed for him to get away. A huge buck with elaborate antlers was dangerously close. But the buck did not threaten him...he didn't even move as Billy knelt down.

And I saw a tiny fawn laying on the ground, obviously suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion, lift its head with great effort to lap up the water cupped in my beautiful boy's hand.

When the water was gone, Billy jumped up to run back to the house and I hid behind a tree. I followed him back to the house; to a spigot that we had shut off the water to.

Billy opened it all the way up and a small trickle began to creep out. He knelt there, letting the drip slowly fill up his makeshift "cup", as the sun beat down on his little back. And it came clear to me. The trouble he had gotten into for playing with the hose the week before. The lecture he had received about the importance of not wasting water. The reason he didn't ask me to help him.

It took almost twenty minutes for the drops to fill his hands. When he stood up and began the trek back, I was there in front of him. His little eyes just filled with tears. "I'm not wasting", was all he said.

As he began his walk, I joined him...with a small pot of water from the kitchen. I let him tend to the fawn. I stayed away. It was his job. I stood on the edge of the woods watching the most beautiful heart I have ever known working so hard to save another life. As the tears that rolled down my face began to hit the ground, they were suddenly joined by other drops...and more drops...and more. I looked up at the sky. It was as if God, Himself, was weeping with pride.

--Author Unknown






[adapted from allworship.com]












Great story. The best kind of love u can ever offer is unconditional love. A love with no regards to self. I wonder if you have met kids like that in your life. Their eyes have that great sparkle of conviction when they do things they believe in. I remember well those times i did stupid things with those conviction. Its pretty funny :)


A simple naive act by this kid. In God's eyes, its never simple. He could be thinking how sweet and noble this kid is going to be. That is if no one comes and destroy those great dreams, if it isn't lost somewhere in his journey. There are just lots of things you can learn from kids. Kids are wonderful beings though they can make you pull your hair most of the time.









Love kids :) Their child-like faith is remarkable.

NSSC's Night

*backdated entry*







Friday Night.






3 r d J u n e







Depot Road.








NSSC.








A celebration..






















Sorry for the great delay. This will be a total photoblog entry. No much time to include additional words.






..........-_-...........


































A picture speaks a thousand words. So i guess its fine for me not to type anything :P














Too sick to type :(